AARP Smart Guide to Dating After 50

12. Move it to in-person

​Apps have built-in communication platforms, but Horsley and Powers tell their clients to move the conversation to a real-life meeting as quickly as possible. Start small, with low-pressure coffee dates, group outings or activity-based meetups in public settings, and keep it short — no longer than an hour. 

Their recipe for moving from a first date to a second? Find out what the other person is interested in, share your own hobbies and see if you have something in common you could do together. 

If the chemistry isn’t there, be polite but don’t take a second date out of obligation. Not ready to move from chatting virtually to in-person? Katz tells his clients to do a video-call test run to see if they feel a spark. Then move it to the coffee shop. Just be sure not to give out your personal information, such as your home address or your workplace, too soon. You must feel safe around them first.​​

13. Don’t rule out meeting people IRL

​You can absolutely meet people in real life. It just involves putting yourself out there.

“Let people around you know that you are open,” says Lorii Abela, founder and owner of Lorii Abela Matchmaking in Chicago. “You would be surprised. Friends often have better matches than anything you will find on apps.” 

But you can’t expect a date just to come your way if you’re not deviating from your daily routine. Say yes to new experiences, join clubs and sign up for classes. And try things you normally wouldn’t, like going to the barbecue your neighbor is hosting, or taking your friend up on her offer to try a new wine bar in town. The key is to get out of your house and put yourself in situations where you’re likely to run into other singles. ​

14. Be approachable

​This is your greatest asset when seeing someone out and about, says Bonnie Winston, a celebrity matchmaker in New York City. “The best way to meet someone, and that’s whether you’re in the house of worship, whether you’re in a Starbucks, wherever you are — all you have to do is smile,” she says. Schwartz encourages people to be warm, open and approachable. “Men are often totally intimidated unless you make it a very safe space for them,” she says. “Make it that way.”​

​DATING SAFELY​​

Dating scams have cost older adults millions of dollars. Beware of red flags.

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15. Be aware of dating scams

​“Never, under any circumstances, give money to anyone,” says Powers. Organizations including the FBI, AARP and the National Council on Aging have warned about romance scams, where someone uses a fake profile to start an online relationship, lavishes their target with praise and attention, then eventually asks for money or suggests a bogus investment in cryptocurrency. These scams commonly target older adults with retirement savings or life insurance payouts. And they are dismayingly common: In 2025, the FBI reported that victims of confidence and romance scams lost more than $929 million — but that’s just a fraction of the actual amount stolen, as scams are notoriously underreported. ​

Some red flags for romance scams include someone who tries to get you to communicate on a different app than the dating platform; makes excuses for why they can’t meet in person or video chat; or asks for money to support them through an emergency or to visit you. 

It’s important not to send intimate photos of yourself to people you haven’t met in person, as scammers can use them as blackmail (known as sextortion). If you suspect you have been interacting with a scammer, report it to your local police and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at IC3.gov, notify your financial institutions, block the scammer and change your passwords. You can also call the toll-free AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline at 877-908-3360 for answers to questions about scams, or support if you’ve experienced fraud.​

16. Best ways to vet someone

​​You may have met your previous partner before googling your date was a thing. These days, it’s a good idea to do a low-key background check on someone before agreeing to meet up. 

To start, give them a quick internet search. See whether the information they’ve given you checks out, such as their place of business or location. You can even tack on “scam” or “scandal” after their name to make sure they aren’t associated with any past dating scams. If you’d like more information beyond their dating profile, ask to exchange social media accounts to see if how they present themselves aligns with what they’ve told you. 

Powers and Horsley suggest doing an online and criminal background check on the Whitepages, Spokeo or BeenVerified websites. Those sites contain a lot of public information about a person, such as whether they’ve been arrested or have a criminal record. ​

17. Do not talk yourself out of red flags

With age comes the ability to know when something feels off. But we don’t always want to tune into the voice that tells us someone isn’t the right fit for us.

“The brain is very good at minimizing warning signs when it wants connection,” says Cheryl Groskopf, a dual-licensed marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counselor in Los Angeles. 

If something about a person consistently creates confusion, anxiety or emotional instability early on, take it as a sign that they’re not the right fit, she says. Red flags to look out for include someone who doesn’t ask you any questions about yourself; a person who shows controlling tendencies (like trying to control what you wear); or catching them in a lie. “Also, if you ask them questions about themselves and they’re very vague and they don’t really answer, that’s a red flag,” says Paul.​

18. Watch for ‘love bombing’ early on

​They say, “When you know, you know,” but if things move way too fast in the beginning and seem too good to be true, they probably are. 

Enter the world of love bombing: You go on a date, and the person texts you the next day or sends you flowers to tell you how fabulous you are. “They may try and make plans to go away already together.… They’re just coming on really, really strong,” says Paul. Be wary if somebody is saying things like, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I can tell after this one date. I’ve never met anybody like you. You’re so special.”

Someone with low self-esteem could be a sitting duck to this type of approach, thinking, I’m finally being seen. I’m finally being loved. Thus, Paul cautions clients who are being love-bombed to take their time to evaluate what’s going on before being sucked into an unhealthy dynamic.​

19. Don’t be afraid to walk away — even in the middle of dinner

Someone took you to a nice dinner, but you feel uncomfortable right away. Or maybe you’ve already had appetizers and three of your nonnegotiables have already come up. It’s OK to call things off. You don’t have to stay for dessert.

“I remember meeting a guy at a restaurant, and he was a half hour late, which I hate, and then he was really judgmental,” says Paul. “It took me about 15 minutes, and I said, ‘I’m sorry, but this is not a match.’ And I got up and walked out.” Meeting someone at a date location gives you the freedom to walk away if the vibe is off. ​

BUILDING CONNECTIONS ​

It might sound like a cliché, but “be yourself” is one of the best tips for building connection with others.

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20. Be yourself

​First impressions matter, and the best first impression you can make is to be yourself. If you’re trying too hard to impress, you’re also trying to control how the other person sees you — and that means you’re not showing up authentically, says Paul. 

If you’re passionate about Star Wars, trashy reality shows or have a collection you’re somewhat embarrassed about, don’t hold it in. Those parts of you will eventually come out. And the right partner will support you. Who knows? You just might bond over your mutual love of bonsai trees or metal-detecting. ​

21. Try something new

​You’ve only ever dated brunettes, prefer your partner to be taller than you, or your past serious relationships were always with people in traditional careers, like accountants or doctors. If those haven’t worked out in the past, it might be time to try something new. 

“Look at people who maybe you might not have looked at 20 years ago, because you’re not the same person, and you don’t have the same goals,” says Schwartz. She challenges people dating in their second act to be more experimental. “Don’t just say, ‘Oh, I always went for X. I’m going to go for X again.’ Maybe X was the right choice when you were looking for the mother or father of your kids. But maybe that’s not what you’re doing now.”

Schwartz says this could look like being open to dating someone from a different cultural background. “Novelty, openness, a much broader brush to look at the world with, can be so satisfying and interesting,” she says. Opening yourself up to new types of people can lead to new experiences and adventures you didn’t expect to have. ​

22. Be upfront about your intentions

​You want something more casual and aren’t looking for commitment. You’d prefer a partner who will take you dancing every weekend. You are not the type of person who likes dating more than one person at a time. Those are all things you want to communicate to a potential partner earlier rather than later.

“Be clear about what you want sooner,” says Colette Jane Fehr, a licensed psychotherapist and author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. Being upfront about what you’re looking for isn’t too much, she says — it’s essential. Such clarity can help you stay on track with your relationship goals and keep you from agreeing to a partnership that doesn’t fit your desired scenario. “When you’re clear from the beginning, you’re far less likely to overlook red flags or talk yourself into something that doesn’t fit,” says Fehr.​

23. Don’t rush into oversharing

You’ve had four previous marriages, are supporting a child in rehab and haven’t had sex in six years. While these are parts of your life story, not everything has to come out on a first date.

Schwartz says to think of the early days of dating as a job interview. “If I’m looking for a job and I come in and say, ‘Hi, I’d like this job. And here’s all my baggage. There’s everything that makes me unsuitable for this job,’ you’re likely only to scare each other,” she says.

Begin a date by talking about your hobbies, interests, and hopes and dreams, and let other topics gradually come up. “I have seen people who, in the first coffee, talk about how they survived cancer,” says Schwartz. While that might not be a part of yourself that you want to hold back, divulging it off the bat before someone’s had a chance to get a feel for you can make them shift more into “How can I comfort this person?” mode, versus “How do I get to know them?”

The goal is to keep things fun at first. “Don’t lie. Just put out your best stuff, and see if you like their best stuff,” says Schwartz. Then, over time, as the relationship unfolds, you both begin to disclose more as you become more comfortable with one another.

24. Make sure your lifestyles align

​One person wants to travel and attend social events every weekend. The other prefers quiet routines, nights at home and a slower pace. “Neither is wrong, but lifestyle mismatch becomes more obvious, and more important, in your 50s and 60s,” says Groskopf.

By midlife, our habits and preferences are often more established, making it harder to compromise on how partners with opposing lifestyles will spend their time together. When evaluating a partner, it’s important to look beyond chemistry and think about whether your daily lives truly fit together. 

Consider when you both go to bed and wake up, how social you both like to be, how important traveling is versus staying at home, and whether you prefer date nights in town or a quiet dinner cooked at home. While you don’t have to be perfectly aligned, you want to find a partner who can fit into your lifestyle without either of you having to bend too much for the other.​

25. Maintain independence while dating

Finding a partner to spend time with is exciting. While there are inevitably all sorts of things you’d like to do with your new significant other — and you may be tempted to completely merge your lives — it’s important to maintain some sort of independence. At 50 and beyond, you’ve built up friendships, hobbies and routines that are important to you. Keep some of those things going, even as you become closer to a new love interest.

Friendships are something you’ll still want to put some quality time into. “Friendships are so important and so supportive, and too many people find themselves latching on to somebody and letting go of their support system,” says Paul. “That’s never a good idea.”

“A life well-lived is reflected in the friendships you’ve nurtured and the financial security you have worked hard to achieve,” adds Ann Parnes, cofounder of After Hello matchmaking in New Orleans. Maintaining a sense of independence is an important way to honor the life you’ve built for yourself. So you needn’t feel pressure to merge finances, move in together immediately or spend every single day together. “Your partner should enhance your existing world rather than replace your social circle,” Parnes says.

26. Don’t rush commitment

Dating can be frustrating, but don’t let it convince you to settle for someone you think is “good enough.” “People often feel the pressure of time and start to get impatient. Remember that there’s no expiration date on finding love,” says Sophie Kaemmerle, founder of New York City’s Toi & Moi Matchmaking.

Moving too quickly can cause you to overlook important compatibility factors or let red flags slip through the cracks. Instead of rushing to the finish line, look at dating at this stage as a chance to find connection and growth and discover what’s possible in this next chapter, says Moon.

Taking things more slowly and giving a relationship time to unfold naturally will help you really get to know another person to see if they are a good fit. Remind yourself that the right partnership is worth waiting for, and that there is no rush to lock things down until you know it’s right. ​

27. Don’t judge someone’s relationship history

Dating later in life means you’re most likely choosing from a pool of singles who are divorced, widowed or have been in previous relationships. With that comes baggage. Instead of being quick to judge someone’s past, step back and try a new lens. ​

“The key indicator isn’t whether someone has been divorced or single for a long time; the useful information is how they talk about those experiences,” says Groskopf. You can learn a lot about a person by seeing whether they reveal insights into their own role in past relationships or only throw blame around. “That level of self-awareness predicts far more than the number of relationships someone has had,” says Groskopf. A past isn’t a bad thing; everyone has one. What you want is to find someone who has done the work to learn, heal and grow from their experience.​

28. Take your time introducing a new partner to adult children or grandkids

​While it may be tempting to introduce your new partner to your family right away, it doesn’t have to happen quickly. And not all of the people you date have to meet your kids, says Abela.

It can also be a good idea to tell your children, of any age, that you’re dating. “Informing them of your decision to date again will avoid any confusion and ensure that both parties remain respectful,” says Abela. But it’s also important to set boundaries and keep your own happiness in mind. Introduce your family when the time feels right, not because you think you need to do it by a certain point in the relationship.

Once you’ve gotten serious, it’s important to maintain open communication about how you want to handle family endeavors. How will you share holidays? What role will your partner play in family gatherings? How involved do you want each other to be in your children’s and grandchildren’s lives?

There is no rulebook for this. It simply involves open and honest conversations. You’ll figure out what works best for your relationship and your family over time. ​

NAVIGATING PHYSICAL INTIMACY​

If it’s been a while since you’ve been intimate with someone, you’ve got some (enjoyable) work to do.

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29. Get reacquainted with your own sexual desires

​If you’ve been on your own for a while or were in a marriage that ended in divorce, you may be a bit rusty in the sex department. “This is a good time to take some stock in who you want to be and what you’d like to learn,” says Schwartz. Think about whether your needs have changed, your libido, your desires. 

Schwartz says to think of sexuality as a “wonderland of exploration that you can do with somebody that you feel comfortable with.” She suggests doing some internal work to become comfortable with your own body, and to experiment through mediums like self-pleasure to check in on your desires. “Starting a car after a while it’s been sitting in the driveway … it’s not exactly good to go,” she says. ​

30. Be honest and upfront about sex

​Age brings life transitions that can make it more difficult to experience sex the same way you did in your younger years. Chronic pain, changes in libido and loss of mobility can make intimacy more intimidating. Having open conversations about any challenges you are experiencing in the bedroom, and encouraging your partner to do the same, can foster intimacy and mutual satisfaction. Come up with new solutions together for ways to express physical closeness that feel good to both of you. 

“I think you have to be more able to talk about sexuality, about what your needs are, about what you feel comfortable with, about how your body does or doesn’t work,” says Schwartz. If you’re not comfortable talking about this with a partner, it may be a sign you’re not yet ready, she adds.​​

31. Redefine intimacy beyond sex

​​Other intimate acts can also build connection. “Some couples aren’t able to have intercourse because of physical challenges or erectile dysfunction,” says Karen Bigman, a certified sex educator and menopause coach in New York City. She reminds us that sex can be as simple as physical touch. “You can even use apps across distances to have sex with your partner,” she says. “Tantra, sensual touch, reading erotica to each other, masturbating with each other, are other ways of having intimacy with your partner that don’t involve traditional intercourse.”​

​32. Don’t forget about STIs

​​Older adults often shrug off protection when they’re not worried about getting pregnant post-menopause. But sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are still a major concern for older adults. In fact, STI rates have been on the rise in this demographic. Rates of syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia more than doubled among those 55 or older between 2012 and 2022, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Before becoming intimate, talk to your partner about getting tested. ​​​