How to Make Friends Working From Home

Open up in chats

Howe’s new role has her working with an entirely remote team, “meaning that we are all in the same boat,” she says. Her team is far-flung in almost every way: They come from different parts of the country, as well as different cultures and backgrounds. That adds a layer of complexity in forging friendships, she says.

Her team maintains an open chat channel where they can ask questions, share and provide support. They share photos of pets, memories such as hikes or a child receiving an award, and “do-it-yourself” home projects. That allows the team to get to know each other on a more personal level.

Schedule time for fun

At the same time, it’s important to remember that everyone is dealing with these changes differently and some may have a hard time connecting virtually or using technology, says leadership coach and workplace expert Gena Cox, author of Leading Inclusion: Drive Change Your Employees Can See and Feel.

“Some people either do not believe or desire to build the same kind of emotional relationship through technology as they [would] face-to-face,” she says. That hesitancy can make workplace friendships harder to create, so it’s important to be more actively involved in cultivating relationships that may have happened more easily when everyone worked at the same place at the same time.

Howe’s team has found a way to make connection a little easier from afar. “We also keep a running weekly virtual fun meeting where we get on camera and spend time talking about anything other than work,” she says.

Be the early bird

Connection doesn’t just happen over coffee or lunch, Kantor says. Arrive at in-person meetings a few minutes early to chat or integrate icebreakers where people share their personal news at the beginning of team meetings.

“You can find connection in those moments ahead of [a planned] collaboration and the moments on the other side of the collaboration,” she says. “That is why ‘in person’ will always be a faster way to forge a relationship than virtually, because that honesty happens when the meeting ends.”

Assume you're starting from scratch

Cox says finding and cultivating workplace friendships may require some trial, error and discovery when it comes to what works — and what doesn’t. “You can't just use the social cues that you have used just when you were working together full-time,” she says. “Even though this is someone who knows you, and that you know and may even have worked together with previously, all of that stuff has changed. You have to assume, in a way, you’re starting from scratch.” So communicate, plan and try not to take the changes personally, she says.

Howe says it’s important to be a little more mindful in communication, as corresponding via messaging platforms or email may not convey tone or intent. It’s not uncommon for jokes to fall flat or for brief correspondence to come across as abrupt or rude in written messages. She says she’ll sometimes get her spouse’s opinion at home before she hits “send” on a message or email.

As always, good old-fashioned methods of connecting are important, too, Howe adds. Acknowledge others’ work and life events — both positive ones and those that are a struggle. Offer to help when someone has questions. And be open-minded. These are many of the same tenets that are essential for in-person friendships, too.

“[Remote and hybrid friendships] will be different,” she says. “But personal connection is worth it. For me, it brings more value to my life and more joy to my work.”