AARP Hearing Center
The Do’s and Don’ts of Modern Texting
Avoid embarrassing your kids or anyone else. Follow these ethical and commonsense guidelines when dispatching messages on your phone
Tips for Texting People From Every Generation
VIDEO: The Surprising Texting Rules Every Generation Follows
Key takeaways
- Review texts before sending, because autocorrect errors can create confusion or embarrassment.
- Match your tone, humor and level of formality to the person receiving the message.
- Avoid sharing sensitive information, gossip or personal details that could be misused.
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My kids laugh at me because of some of the things I text them. Can you help me not come across as a total dork when I send them text messages, and what else shouldn’t I do when sending texts?
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Hey, the fact that you’re asking is a good start, because there are lots of faux pas when it comes to texting, and many of them are self-inflicted. So keep these things in mind:
Slow down
For starters, many of us dash off a text without checking what it says, a no-no given that keyboards sometimes seem to have a mind of their own. “Autocorrect” is often an oxymoron, at least in my experience; instead of fixing misspelled words, it introduces new and often embarrassing or inappropriate errors.
Google “autocorrect fails,” and you will see lots of unfortunate examples, and I bet you can recount many of your own. Someone I know received a text from a colleague that read, “My power and wife just went out.” It was meant to say, “My power and Wi-Fi just went out.”
Lighten up on the abbreviations
It’s OK to throw in the odd LOL for “laugh out loud” or “laughing out loud,” or BRB for “be right back.” But overdoing abbreviations is lame and makes it look like you’re trying too hard. Doing so may invite snotty abbreviated rejoinders. I’ll leave it to your imagination if you see “STFU” in a reply. Look that one up on your own.
Tone down your opinions
We all have strong feelings about certain causes and issues, and expressing them in a text is fine — to a degree. It obviously depends on who you are texting. Just remember that you can’t easily undo something once it’s out there in the ether that is social media. Even if running for political office is not in your future, something you wrote in a text could be held against you down the road, whether a prospective employer sees it or an ex-flame shares it.
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Don’t spread gossip
Not only is spreading gossip in a text not very nice, it can also come back to bite you. Someone can take a screenshot of a text or share it with someone less trustworthy. I’m assuming you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so consider what would happen if the person you’re gossiping about somehow sees the text. Now put yourself in that person’s shoes and think about how you’d react. What’s more, if you accidentally send a text to the wrong person, suffice it to say the consequences will not be good. If that person is your boss, you might want to update your résumé.
Go easy on the sensitive stuff
Some topics are too serious or sensitive to put in a text. Don’t report a death, especially if you’re texting a person close to the deceased. Don’t tell your kids you got fired in a message. And don’t break up with someone by text, which is cold, harsh and frankly cowardly. The dreaded phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” could come off even worse in a text.
Know your recipient
Is your tone too casual when the exchange ought to sound more professional? Does the person you’re texting share your sense of humor? Do they get your digital sarcasm? Remember that even with visual aids such as smiley faces and other emoticons, imparting a certain mood is tricky.
Be aware of who you are talking to
This is related to the previous item, but make sure the person you think you are texting with is indeed that person. If something in the exchange seems off, that could be a red flag. Scam texts are, sadly, all too common.
Along those lines, criminals prey on unsuspecting consumers through “friendly” but fake wrong-number scams. After you tell them they’ve reached a wrong number, they’ll try to lure you into a casual conversation anyway and attempt to build your trust over a period of weeks or even months.
Use AI judiciously
Artificial intelligence can help clean up your texts. It can also make you lazy. It’s OK to run a potential message through an AI chatbot or even have AI create a message from scratch. Occasionally. The person you’re texting, especially if it is someone you know reasonably well, may figure out that you didn’t dash off the text; the AI did. “It” might not elicit a positive reaction. A writer I came across on Substack, Terry Nguyen, quoted someone saying that receiving an AI-written text from a friend “feels like a betrayal.”
Make sure you understand emojis
They are not always what they seem. The smiling swirl of brown 💩 isn’t soft-serve chocolate ice cream. Search Google to decode its real meaning.
Keep it concise
You may have seen the abbreviation TL;DR, a shortcut for “too long, didn’t read.” That should tell you something about prattling on or writing the texting equivalent of War and Peace.
Keep your phone on silent
This mainly pertains to group chats where numerous people weigh in, and is less about the content of the texts. Constant pings, dings and buzzes are not only distracting to you but also to everyone around you.
Don’t SHOUT
Using ALL CAPS has long been considered rude. It still is. If you really are angry at someone, it’s best to chill before sending a text.
Respect others’ time
You may expect a near-immediate response when you send a text. But the person you’re texting may be otherwise occupied and not able (or in the mood) to get back to you. So be patient and don’t send a follow-up text accusing the person of ignoring you.
Keep it casual
Texting is almost always more informal than sending an email or a polished letter. So punctuation and grammar typically matter less than other forms of written communication. In fact, The New York Times has suggested that, “To younger generations, using proper punctuation in a casual context like texting can give an impression of formality that borders on rudeness, as if the texter is not comfortable enough with the texting partner to relax.”
Rule of thumb: Drop the period at the end of the last sentence.
Of course, there are exceptions. If you’re texting a prospective employer, forget everything I just told you, and assume grammar does count.
Never include personal information in a text
In this day and age, you cannot assume that any digital communication is completely private. Never share Social Security numbers, credit card account info, birth dates or other private or personal information in a text. I’ve already cautioned you about scam texts, and the bad guys would like nothing more than to use that information to drain your accounts.
Bonus tip: Don’t assume you burned all those calories just because your smartwatch says you did
Smartwatches, smart rings and fitness trackers can help motivate us to exercise and eat better. But take it with a grain of salt when a wearable tells you how many calories you’ve burned. Results can be off by 15 to 25 percent, according to a recent study conducted by Florida International University. And the accuracy declines as body fat increases.
Researchers at the Miami school tested an Apple Watch Series 8, a Fitbit Sense 2, a Samsung Galaxy Watch 5 and a Garmin Forerunner 955 against what were described as “clinical-grade laboratory equipment that measured participants’ true energy use.”Wearables can be useful so long as you recognize their limitations. Look at trends rather than the results of a single workout, and factor in other metrics, including your heart rate.
“If your watch tells you that you burned 500 calories in this workout, I would caution you against running to go buy the nearest candy bar to make up for those calories,” says Florida International University associate professor of kinesiology and exercise science Jason Kostrna, who led the study. “You need to pay attention to your weight change over time, how you feel over time, and use the watch information as an additional data point, not the only data point.”
Kostrna acknowledges that the devices used in the testing went back about four years, though they were current when the study began. Though he says it is certainly possible that manufacturers have improved their algorithms more recently, further testing needs to be done, and “I don’t think we can assume that the problem has been solved.”
The key takeaways were created with the assistance of generative AI. An AARP editor reviewed and refined the content for accuracy and clarity.
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