Staying Fit
Who hasn't wondered what might happen if an old flame found his or her way back into your life? What might have been if that onetime relationship hadn't ended, or what might transpire if you reconnected once again? Maybe you've already reconnected with a college boyfriend on Facebook, or Googled that girl from high school on whom you had a maddening crush. For many of us, that's the stuff of fantasy. But for some, reconnecting with a former flame can be a familiar and comfortable way to find lasting love. And such matches are becoming increasingly common, thanks to the explosion of social media.
A 2015 study by the Pew Research Center found that more than half of Internet users over 50 are on Facebook and that finding people from their past is among their top reasons for logging on. Just how many of those old friends turn into new partners is harder to pinpoint.
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But however long-lost loves reunite — a social site, a dating site, a phone call, a note or even a chance meeting at a reunion or a funeral — there's an allure in rekindling a simmering flame.
"Shared history brings a comfort we especially want as we get older," says psychologist Stan Tatkin, author of Your Brain on Love. "People from our past often have a unique and appealing perspective on us — and we on them. That can make for a very good match."
Meet four couples whose liaisons picked up decades after they left off.
Sparking Romance Over Dinner
Debby Klein and Jeff Stiel
Met: 1980, in college in Queens, N.Y.
Married: August 17, 2014, in Livingston, N.J.
She wasn't thinking romance. Not really. When Debby Klein agreed to have dinner four years ago with her old buddy Jeff Stiel, she was unclear if it was a date or just two old camp-counselor friends getting together at the urging of a mutual friend. Dating wasn't high on Debby's priority list; she had recently ended a long relationship that followed her divorce.
But that all changed after she and Jeff talked until they closed down a New Jersey restaurant near their homes. Debby realized that in addition to their camp and college connections, she and Jeff shared "a special bond that comes from the same place." Literally, that's Queens. Plus, both are jocks: Debby, 53, is a personal trainer, and mortgage financier Jeff, 54, competes in basketball and softball leagues; they also play tennis together. The couple connected on a deeper level, too — all four of their parents are Holocaust survivors. "We speak the same language," she says. Sometimes that's Yiddish. "When I'm with Jeff, words I haven't used for 40 years pop into my head."
Back when they were still just college friends in Queens, Jeff got Debby her job at Camp Hillel in Swan Lake, N.Y. He had a crush on her, but Debby was dating another young man. "There was definitely an attraction," Debby recalls, "but Jeff was emotionally intense. Whatever didn't work then totally works now."
It didn't take him long to see that. By their second date four years ago, he once again knew he wanted more than friendship. Now he sees them as a natural match, enhanced by the mutual admiration among their seven teenage and young-adult kids.
There was one place Jeff and Debby always were good partners—on the tennis court. So their 2014 wedding invitation featured a 1981 photo taken after the pair won a highly competitive mixed-doubles camp tennis tournament. In the photo, Debby is jumping on Jeff's back.
In her wedding toast to Jeff, she joked, "What? You and me? Seriously?" Then she answered her own question: "I'm very glad I kept an open mind."
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