Reigniting an Old Flame

The other day a friend I hadn’t seen in quite a long time told me a sweet story about the man she married two years ago. Turns out he was her old boyfriend, circa 1969, and they connected again at a high school reunion. I love these stories of reconnection, but I often wonder why it takes a school reunion to motivate single men and women to look up people they remember with affection — and sometimes a lot more than that.

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Photo by Guido Mieth/Getty Images

Networking sites like Facebook make it easier to connect with a past flame.

Not that going back to a school reunion isn’t a great idea. I think it’s a great way to explore whether there is still some spark between you and an old flame. One of my favorite movies is Grosse Point Blank, a more-than-slightly-twisted comedy about a guy who is a hit man going to his high school reunion because he has a  “job” in the neighborhood and because his old girlfriend will be there. Despite the fact that he deserted her on prom night, he has never stopped loving her. While the movie is a great send-up of high school reunions, it is also a fairy tale about two people who were meant to be together. (Fortunately, he does change his profession.)

What other ways could you reignite an old flame? How about social networking sites? People look each other up all the time, and a few quick questions could reveal whether your long-lost crush is single, divorced or widowed.  If that fails, you have a free cyber-detective to track him or her down: Google finds almost everyone if you try hard enough!

What do you do if you find out that your former love interest is indeed single, still looks good to you, and sounds interesting?. How will you know if you don’t contact him, Skype or talk on the phone, and, if all goes well, meet in person?  Call or email to say you are passing through town and you’d love to get together. Don’t give up because you think getting together again is improbable. You need to talk with this person to find out where he is at this stage of his life. Don’t prejudge the situation, just follow your heart by using your head and find a way to meet.

Sure, it might all be a fantasy. This person may have changed a lot over the years. But perhaps not. Some people remain remarkably the same. Believe me, igniting an old flame is not that hard if the embers are still radiating a little heat.  Fan the fire and old flames can jump back to their previous intensity. What have you got to lose? A trip? A few hours over lunch? A few dashed hopes?

It’s nothing compared to the payoff you can get if you meet again, feel like no time has passed, and your desire for each other revives. The longevity of an initially powerful attraction is a testament to the magic of chemistry. While not all old passions still retain the sizzle, a surprising number of them do. You owe it to yourself, and your former love, to find out if the connection between the two of you is still there. 

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