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How Can I Coach My Grandkids on Respectful Greetings?
First impressions are important. Our etiquette expert offers tips for helping kids introduce themselves with ease
Modeling good greetings yourself is one way to teach your grandkids the importance of respectful introductions.
Jon Krause
At a time when many interactions happen through screens, a proper introduction seems to be a dying art. The anonymous question below deals with a common concern many older people have when it comes to kids and greetings.
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It seems that expectations around greetings and introductions have changed over the years. How can I help my grandchildren learn these important social skills and show respect for me and the older people they meet?
You are not alone. Each generation tends to believe that manners are lacking compared to when they were growing up, and kids today face far more distractions that pull their attention away from the present moment. That means we have to work a bit harder to make these lessons stick.
Modern Manners
Navigate today’s often complex social situations with Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette icon Emily Post. Lizzie will help you find the suitable words to say and proper things to do when dealing with family, friends and community.
Greetings and introductions are among our most important forms of etiquette. They help us build lasting relationships and provide a moment of acknowledgment, both of which are incredibly important social skills. They demonstrate awareness, respect and friendliness. These are all things worth teaching and expecting from the young people in our lives.
Greetings can be many different things (waves, hugs, fist bumps), made with eye contact and a verbal phrase like “Hi,” “Hello” or “Pleased to meet you.” But the handshake is a classic worth teaching and practicing until kids feel really comfortable with it.
Here are 5 easy steps to a great handshake:
- Stand up and look the other person in the eye (or direct your attention toward their face if eye contact isn’t possible) and smile.
- Extend your right hand, palm ever so slightly angled up so that it looks welcoming and invites a reciprocal gesture.
- Clasp the person’s hand, using the crook of your thumb to meet theirs, with the amount of pressure you’d use to turn a doorknob.
- Gently shake your clasped hands up and down two or three times.
- Let go!
AARP reader Jack F. asked via email, “What if someone doesn’t have a right hand, or their right hand is injured?” In that case, follow their lead. If they give a wave instead of a handshake, you wave in return. If they extend their left hand instead, either use your left hand or do your best with your right. The point is, don’t let it stall a greeting or stop you from making a greeting gesture.
Remember to take into account a kid’s age and nature. A shy child can still be encouraged to participate in greetings and introductions, but it may take them much longer to gain confidence. Make sure that when you greet your grandchild or other people in their presence, you do the things you’d like to see them doing.
Your delivery matters. Saying “What? I don’t even get a hello?” in a grumpy or even teasing manner won’t engage a child; it will likely make them feel more nervous or uncomfortable about greeting you at all. “Hi, Jennifer! I’m so glad you could come visit today,” said in an upbeat voice with a friendly smile, makes a more positive impact and leads by example.
Playacting is another way to help kids understand respectful greetings. It’s easy to begin any “tea party” by saying something like, “Hello, Mr. Bear, thank you for inviting me over today,” as you get into the game with them.
Cheerful reinforcement and explanation can also make a difference: “Wow, Jackson, that was such a great hug hello!” or “Kelly, I love it when you say, ‘Hi, Grandma!’ It makes me so happy!” You can also explain that greeting others nicely is not only a way to show respect and kindness but also helps build confidence, makes it easier to meet new people and is always the start of making friends.
Finally, it’s also OK to talk with kids about what’s expected: “Kiddos, my friend Barbara is coming over this afternoon. When she gets here, I’d love for you both to say hello when she arrives.” Even if they get shy and tuck themselves behind your legs, you’ve at least set the expectation, and they know it’s normal and good to greet one of Grandma’s guests.
For older kids who just go silent instead of greeting those you’ve asked them to, it’s best not to scold them in the moment but to have a conversation about it later. Remind them that confident greetings are essential to making a good first impression.
As a personal example, the other night I went to bring in my neighbor’s mail (she’s away), and her lawn care guy was there. He looked to be about 18 to 20 years old. From afar, he greeted me, walked right over as I said who I was and why I was there, and reached out his hand for a handshake, looked me in the eye and said, “Pleased to meet you, ma’am.” We chatted for a bit and then did our respective chores. I’m still thinking about that greeting and what a positive and professional impression it left.
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