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Buffet Rules Everyone Should Know
Our etiquette expert encourages guests to observe proper buffet manners, starting with the serving utensils
Gracious hosts guide their guests toward better buffet etiquette without embarrassing them.
Jon Krause
When I set up a buffet for a gathering, I always put out tongs and/or skewers to pick up veggies or fruit, next to a dip, and for potato chips. And I put serving spoons and forks out for the main dishes. But people often don’t use the tongs or skewers. Short of slapping wrists, how do I get them to not use their hands? —Mary A.
I love a good buffet! It’s one of my favorite forms of service. There are a few ways to make it more successful and to help attendees practice their best manners.
You’re already doing a good job by offering tongs, serving forks and spoons to your guests. You might also choose to provide more plates than guests, as it’s not proper to bring a used plate back to the buffet if you’re returning for more.
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Another setup tip is to place utensils and napkins at the end of the buffet (or at place settings, depending on the event) so that your guests aren’t juggling their plates, utensils and napkins while trying to serve themselves. Similarly, have beverages set out on a separate table so guests can put their plates down and go back for their drinks.
Did you know that the word “etiquette,” in French, means “label,” as in a little ticket or a little sign? You’re right that you cannot slap a guest’s hand away (très rude!), instead have a little sign on buffet items that reads “Please use tongs/spoon” to help your guests notice the serving ware. This works particularly well for hot dishes that are presented with lids. A sign on the lid could make all the difference.
Modern Manners
Navigate today’s often complex social situations with Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette icon Emily Post. Lizzie will help you find the suitable words to say and proper things to do when dealing with family, friends, and community.
The mark of a good host is someone who gently guides their guests. As you invite your guests to partake in the buffet (in whatever order you deem appropriate for your party), you could say something like, “Please take a plate and begin. There are tongs and spoons for each item, and you’ll find utensils and napkins at the end of the buffet, and drinks over on the other table.” Without scolding or begging, you’ve indicated that serving utensils are available and should be used.
If you notice someone touching the food with their hands, consider the situation before you change out the whole platter. Is it a gathering of family and very close friends, where you know that no one is immunocompromised? You can probably let it slide. Did their fingers touch multiple items in the buffet? Or, worse yet, did you see them double-dip that chicken wing in the blue cheese dressing? In those moments, you could remove or replace the affected items. In the case of a serving utensil that has fallen into a saucy dish, it’s best to remove it and get a fresh one for your guests to use.
One final tip: Depending on the size of your party, you might choose to make your buffet double-sided so that two lines of guests can move through the buffet at once. Bon appétit!
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