AARP Hearing Center
James Clapham
Since your young adult, teen kid or grandchild is so often buried in a smartphone, social media might seem like the best way to check in, but be careful: You’ll find unwritten rules and guardrails.
“In the social media age, the worst thing is when your parents and grandparents show up,” says Karen North, clinical professor of communication at the University of Southern California. “You don’t want to be part of a kid’s core group of friends on social. That’s where they do their silly, embarrassing stuff.”
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Don't use platforms such as SnapChat and TikTok where the silly friend stuff thrives.
Use social media tools that let you — and them — say a quick hello but don’t demand a lot in return. Ask the kids to hook you up with tools like BeReal or Locket, where they can create groups just for family. At a regular interval daily or weekly, grandkids and grandparents can send a picture or short video to one another.
“It maintains the consistency of the relationship,” North says. “You want to make it fun to have a relationship with other generations.”
Instagram is another good tool, she says. Kids can filter which posts their grandparents can see, and the private messaging function lets you send notes and videos of interest back and forth.
Beware: Photo posts can invade privacy in surprising ways
When you post photos, take note of the details. A pleasing snapshot of smiling people might appear innocuous, but sometimes the background can reveal too much. Avoid showing:
- Your address
- Your grandchild’s school name
- Any material, however subtle, that might be personal or private
Bonus tip: Ask your adult children if it’s OK to post any photos of your grandchildren. They may not want the grandkids’ faces on the internet.
And if a photo isn’t something you would want your boss or family to see — even if you think it’s hilarious — don’t post it. Nothing is ever truly gone on the internet, and it could come back to haunt you or your family.
Worried about fees for texts? A free, secure app is available
Some 2 trillion texts are sent each year in the U.S., and young people are especially active texters.
A 2023 study from Common Sense Media found that more than half of the teens it spoke with received 237 or more notifications a day on their phones. If your cellular carrier still charges you to send or receive texts, or if you have friends or family overseas, where additional charges may come into play, you should consider other mobile messaging options.
WhatsApp, which has more than 2 billion global users, is a popular choice, says Andrew Selepak, a professor at the University of Florida’s College of Journalism and Communications. It’s the dominant messaging service in many parts of the world, including Asia, Europe and Latin America, and lets you send a message, photo, video or even a voice note for free to anyone else with the app, regardless of where they live.
Other options: Facebook Messenger and Signal.
Perhaps most important, it’s secure. Regular text messages aren’t always. Digital eavesdroppers have means of reading those notes, the Electronic Frontier Foundation warns.
While you might not have anything to hide, a lot of personal details can be revealed in texts. Messaging services that use end-to-end encryption make sure the secrets they’re entrusted with stay between you and your friends or loved ones.
Have young grandkids? Start a private video channel
A free, private channel on YouTube or Vimeo video-sharing services is a great way to stay in touch, especially if your grandkids live far away. But be sure to check the settings so the videos go only to those you share the link with, rather than the whole world.
Getty Images
Using your smartphone or tablet, record videos of yourself reading bedtime stories or perhaps telling tales of interesting things in your life. The kids can watch and rewatch as often as they want.
As a bonus, they’ll have those memories of your time together virtually — and maybe even have the videos you created long-term.
To set up a private YouTube channel with videos you recorded, the easiest method is to download the app:
1. Sign in, then click on the You circle at the lower right.
2. Click on Create a channel below your name. On the next screen will be a Create channel button; select it. The channel will have a web address with a combination of letters and numbers that you can copy by hitting the globe 🌐 icon beside the URL.
3. Tap the Create ⨁ icon in the lower center of your screen. YouTube will ask you for access to your photo library and you’ll have to choose to Limit Access… or Allow Full Access. This will happen only once unless you go into your smartphone Settings ⚙️ to change it.
4. Tap the Create ⨁ icon again if you are kicked out. Otherwise, choose a video from your library to upload. Then you can choose its original format, maybe horizontal, or to edit it in the opposite format. Hit the Next button.
5. Add additional sound, text, filters or a voice-over as desired. Hit the Next button, type a title, choose your visibility, which can be Public, the default; Unlisted, anyone with a link can view it; or Private, only people you choose can view it.
6. Hit the Back < arrowhead in the upper left corner to return to the Add details page. Then tap the Upload button.
7. Click on the You circle at the lower right | Your videos after your video is uploaded. Click the three vertical dots ⋮ to the right of your video title and save the video to an existing playlist or New playlist, which you can title and create. The new playlist defaults to Private visibility for your use only, so change to Unlisted, which will allow you to share it with your grandchild. Tap Save.
You then can share the playlist with your grandchild whether you’re on your smartphone or computer:
- Click on Playlists in the YouTube menu.
- On the web, click on View full playlist and copy the web address at the top of the screen. Paste it into email or a direct message on Facebook or another app.
- In the app, click on the playlist you want to share and then the curved arrow icon that heads right. You have options to copy the link, share in email or share in a text message.
You’ll need to share that playlist link only once. Every time you add a video to it, your grandchild will see the new video with the link.
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