AARP Hearing Center
Not being acknowledged for sent gifts can be frustrating enough to make someone reconsider doing it at all.
Jon Krause
The first column I wrote for Modern Manners gave advice on the most appropriate ways to send thanks. Now an AARP reader asks what to do if she never receives thanks for the gifts she gives to both neighbors and family.
What should I do when I never get thank-you notes or verbal thank-yous from my elementary school neighbor? I leave sweet little gifts on the family’s front porch when they’re not home that I know she will love. If I ever follow up, her mother says that she plays with the gifts all the time.
My daughter was brought up writing thank-you notes. Her twins are now eight years old but have never thanked me in any way. I’ve sent cards with the gifts to Canada, where they live, saying I’d like to hear how you liked ___. Still no reply. They could even send thanks via a video call, but they don’t. My daughter doesn’t support them to do it, as if it’s not necessary. She’s a very good mother in every other way. Should I drop it and not send gifts or money (which I’ve been doing in the last year instead of physical items because of shipping costs)? —Submitted via email by B.J., 82, Auburn, CA
B.J., thank you so much for the question. I’m sorry you’re not getting any acknowledgement for the kind gestures you’re offering to both your neighbors and your family.
Modern Manners
Navigate today’s often complex social situations with expert tips from Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. Lizzie will help you find the suitable words to say and proper things to do when dealing with family, friends, and your in-person and online communities.
When it comes to your neighbor, it’s harder to correct their behavior or ask them to please acknowledge the gifts that you leave. I do find that parents often are grateful for these kindnesses, but there are many parents out there who skip out (for whatever reason) on extending their thanks or encouraging their kids to do so. I’m not about to start making excuses for this; there are none. Let’s face it: It takes two seconds to send a thank-you text. Or, in the case of a neighbor, saying “thank you” by walking over and popping a card or note in the mailbox, or actually saying “thank you” as you cross paths.
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