Opinion: There Is Something Seriously Wrong With Some Moms Today

But faster than you can say “JonBenét Ramsey is still dead,” the pageant culture grew and found its way to reality TV shows like Toddlers & Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. To date, France remains the only Western country to ban beauty pageants for children under 16. 

On some level, what the Times investigation really discovered is that access to the Internet, once again, has unleashed some people’s most vile instincts and, under a cloak of anonymity, has allowed them to pollute the lives of others. The men — some with a history of sex crimes convictions — who follow these Instagram accounts have flattered, badgered and blackmailed the girls and their parents seeking racier photos. Some even openly fantasize on other platforms about sexually abusing the girls they follow on Instagram. One guy actually thanked Instagram for making the images so readily available to him.

How many shades of wrong are we up to?

The Times recognized that this story has many villains — obviously including the pedophiles who haunt accounts like these. Supply and demand will always matter. But there are others: the Wild West nature of social media platforms, the lack of effective self-policing of these sites, and the narrow definition of our federal laws about what actually constitutes child pornography. In 1964, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart described his test for obscenity, saying, “I know it when I see it.” But apparently, we don’t anymore.

For me, the bulk of the blame lands squarely on the moms who set up these accounts. At its core, a mother’s job is to love, nurture, protect and teach her babies; to prepare them for a future where they matter and their contributions matter. Where are values in all of this? How on Earth is any of it good for the kids?

No, this is not just another extracurricular activity like playing soccer. Nor is it a confidence-builder, or a place where new friendships are formed and nourished. It won’t make their daughters more popular, smarter, or feel more valued. It is a gateway that equates their worth with their willingness to be objectified, sexualized and exploited. I can’t think of a worse lesson to teach young girls.

One of the most triggering points for me were the moms’ justifications for doing this. Like the mom in Australia who said she really didn’t want her child to be exploited on the Internet, but then added, “But she’s been doing this so long now. Her numbers are so big. What do we do? Just stop it and walk away?”

Or the New Jersey mom who boasted that her account has led to modeling work and so she now thinks her daughter “can help pay for college if she does it right.” Or the mother in Alabama who suggested she was merely keeping up with the times. “Social media is the way of our future, and I feel like they’ll be behind if they don’t know what’s going on,” the mother said.

And while in most cases, it’s the moms who open and manage these accounts, the dads — even the ones who never lay a finger on the keyboard — bear responsibility as well. Are they all guilty of a total lack of involvement in their daughters’ lives? Do they even know this is going on? If they do, their silence is hardly golden.

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