Help! My Husband Doesn’t Want to Retire!

I expected this plan to work well, but despite the cut in hours, he made himself even more available out of a sense of obligation to his boss and the tenants. His job description does not require him to be on call 24/7, yet he feels he must answer every text and handle every emergency despite others on staff who can solve any problems that arise.

I discovered this during one of our vacations when I learned that everyone — not just his boss — has his personal cellphone number. The tenants were constantly calling and texting about problems during our trip, waking us early in the morning and late at night.

I drew the line one night when his phone continually chimed with notifications while we were enjoying our anniversary dinner at a top-notch restaurant. He spent most of the evening talking to his boss and texting several residents about a plumbing issue at the condo.

I finally put down my fork, walked out of the restaurant and returned to the hotel. He later apologized and promised not to let work ruin our anniversary vacation, but seeing how stressed he became every time his phone jingled kept me on edge throughout the trip.

Since then, we’ve canceled dinner dates, movie nights and family outings — and rearranged several RV vacations — to accommodate his work schedule.

I’m frustrated with the amount of time he devotes to his job, often putting its demands above our family. Even our adult kids badger him to quit work, but he’s stubborn.

He’s already collecting income from several pensions and his Social Security, so his refusal to retire goes beyond the extra money. The truth is, he likes to feel relevant at his age and thrives on the accolades he gets on the job. The daily interactions with the residents also help him socialize, and feeling needed by them boosts his sense of self-worth.

He also believes he’s irreplaceable and that if he retires, he’ll let them all down. That’s when I have to ask, “But what about us and our goals for the future?” He can’t answer this because he just isn’t ready to quit.

And I resent it. Like many of his friends weighing the pros and cons of retirement, my husband fears he’ll become bored and lose his identity as the breadwinner of the family — a role that’s always made him proud. I’ve argued that he can easily find a remote job and work like I do from anywhere while we travel, but he brushes off the idea, claiming that a sedentary job will affect his mental and physical health. It sounds like an excuse, but he refuses to budge.

So I paint a picture of a favorable future for him to eliminate his concerns: He’ll have the luxury of sleeping in if he’s tired, and can bike the track near our house to stay healthy and physically active; he’ll reduce the constant back pain and sciatica caused by overexertion at his job; and he can still earn extra income by working a remote gig.

But best of all, we can travel across the country in our RV and go to all the sites we’ve dreamed of, plus visit friends and relatives we haven’t seen in years. This is how I’ve always envisioned our retirement years, but convincing my husband is still a challenge.

He turns 70 next year, and I cannot imagine him working the same strenuous job during another blistering summer. It may take some glossy pamphlets of RV resorts or glamping destinations in the Smoky Mountains, but I’m not giving up. The RV is gassed up and ready to go; all I need is for my driver to take the wheel and explore a new life chapter with me, filled with fun and well-deserved relaxation time.

AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.