How to Talk Away Your Money Worries

When it comes to money stress, talk isn’t cheap. It has real value.

New research indicates that opening up about your money worries can help reduce anxiety — even if your audience comprises strangers on the internet, and even if you get no advice in response.

Communicating about money requires organizing your thoughts, explains Matt Meister, an assistant professor at the University of San Francisco and coauthor of a recent paper on money stress. And that process, he says, can lead to a greater sense of calm.

“It’s not that you have to share a spreadsheet or your bank information with somebody,” Meister says. “Just generally talking through this type of thing can have real and pretty quick benefits.”

But whom should you talk to about your money problems, and how can they help you? Follow these guidelines for more productive conversations.

Friends and relatives

If someone in your life might be of help, the first step is to let go of any shame or taboo you feel about discussing money problems. “Silence only increases financial stress,” says Ramiro Marmolejo, a financial planner and founder of Financial Rubrics in San Antonio. “When people finally talk through their finances, it’s remarkable how much anxiety disappears.”

Do this:

Be selective. Decide if you want support or advice, then explain your needs. Also, pick the right confidant. If you want solutions, “don’t go to your big feelings person,” says Jonathan Kolmetz, a financial planner and licensed mental health therapist in Houston. Simply need someone to listen? “Don’t go to your problem solver,” he says.

Set expectations. Give a preview of the topic and how long you think it will take to discuss. For instance, you could say to a spouse: “I’m feeling anxious about college costs. Do you have 30 minutes after dinner to talk about this?”

Maintain perspective. “Good advice is rooted in your goals and circumstances,” says Jordan Gilberti, founder of Sage Wealth Group in Tampa, Florida. “If it sounds too easy, too extreme, or doesn’t consider your full picture, that’s a red flag.”

Online forums

Meister and his coauthors found that online posts were especially effective at easing stress. Writing, he hypothesizes, gives you a greater sense of control than speaking: You can slow down, edit your thoughts and decide what to share.

Do this:

Be choosy with communities. The internet can be filled with unsympathetic commenters, criminals and terrible advice. Look for online groups that screen new members and have active moderators, suggests Andrew W. Lo, a professor of finance at the MIT Sloan School of Management.