How to Solve Your Home and Family Money Messes

Before any work starts, have a signed contract in place that states the scope of the work, payment schedule, project timeline, warranty length, insurance coverage, dispute-resolution process and terms for subcontracting. Beware of “no money down” payment terms, says Brown; they’re often used by unscrupulous companies that charge high interest or other financing costs. And don’t pay the full cost up front; interim payments should match the percentage of the project completed. If the contract contains anything iffy, negotiate a change or drop the contractor.

“My spouse is overspending wildly, and I can’t stop it.”

Start here: Find a quiet time alone with your spouse. Open the conversation by sharing what you’ve noticed or how you’re feeling, recommends financial therapist Rick Kahler, coauthor of Coupleship Inc.: From Financial Conflict to Financial Intimacy. Keep statements focused on yourself — for example, “The credit card bill is higher than usual this month, and I’m worried we may need to start taking money from our savings.” Ask your partner to tell you about some of their expenditures and listen closely, says Kahler: “Fully understanding why they spent what they did could shift your perspective.” Showing your partner credit card statements or other receipts and how that’s impacting the budget may also help them see that a change is needed, he adds.

What comes next: To help rein in the buying long-term, Kahler recommends jointly establishing new parameters around spending. It could be agreeing to discuss purchases larger than $100 before buying, or allotting each partner a monthly amount to spend, no questions asked. You could also set a monthly dollar limit on problem areas like dining out or assistance to other family members. Apps like Honeydue, Monarch and Quicken Simplifi can help you keep track.

Whatever rules you decide on, check in each month to see if the agreement is still working for both of you. If your spouse ignores the new limits repeatedly, you both may need help from a professional — a financial adviser, financial therapist or marriage counselor.

“The rising cost of food is busting my grocery budget.”

Start here: Make a shopping list ahead of time and stick to it, advises Lisa Lee Freeman, the AARP Bulletin’s Live Well for Less columnist: “The impulse purchases are really what kill people.” Limiting yourself to items you’ve already selected can help you stay on budget, she says, adding that it’s OK to add items on sale that you know you’ll use and will finish before their expiration dates.

What comes next: At the market, says Freeman, buy generic brands, which come with more savings. Stores like Aldi and Lidl also sell private-label products at lower prices. Websites like Misfits Market and Imperfect Foods and apps such as Too Good to Go and Flashfood sell low-priced food that would otherwise get tossed for a number of different reasons, such as being cosmetically flawed.

You can also apply for SNAP benefits online or at your local state office; visit aarp.org/snapbenefits for more information. If you qualify, you will receive an EBT card that is loaded monthly and accepted at most grocery stores. To learn more about resources at your local food bank, call 211 or visit feedingamerica.org to find the one closest to you.

“I’m supporting my adult child, but I really can’t afford it.”

Start here: Explain that you need your money for your own retirement and work with your child to develop a plan to pull back on your financial help over time, says Deana Healy, vice president of financial planning and advice at Ameriprise Financial. You might set a schedule for gradually shifting expenses — maybe their phone bill first and their health insurance later.

What comes next: After some months have passed, revisit the goals you’ve set. If your child hasn’t made any progress, consider how that will affect your own financial situation, says Healy. You may have to trim your financial support before your adult child feels ready. “This may also be a good time to involve a trusted resource, like a financial adviser, who can help facilitate potentially difficult and emotionally charged conversations,” says Healy. An adviser can talk to adult children about what’s holding them back, she says, while separately talking with parents about whether they should adjust their approach.

“My spouse, who handled our finances, has died, and I don’t know where our money is or what bills I need to pay.”

Start here: Ask your funeral home for at least 10 certified copies of your spouse’s death certificate, which you’ll need to handle the estate. “You’ll want enough so you don’t have to keep ordering new copies,” says Alvina Lo, head of advice, planning and fiduciary services at BNY Wealth. Tell Social Security your spouse has died, if the funeral home hasn’t already. This will stop payments to your spouse that you’d have to return, starting with the one for the month of your spouse’s death, which might other­wise arrive the next month. You can also apply for a one-time death benefit of $255.

What comes next: Compile two lists: one of utilities and debts that require a monthly payment, the second of bank and investment accounts. “Finding all this can be like a scavenger hunt,” Lo says. Look through paper and emailed statements, past tax returns and your spouse’s credit report. Call your spouse’s current or former employers to ask if there are any life insurance benefits, pensions or old retirement accounts.

With this information, you are in a good position to stay current on bills and, when you’re ready, deal with financial account paperwork: collecting any life insurance, asking employers to transfer retirement benefits, and having financial institutions retitle and transfer accounts to you. As you go through this process, you may have ideas for changes such as downsizing or taking a lump sum from an inherited retirement account. “But just focus on front-burner things,” says Andrew Connors, chief growth officer at Fairport Wealth in Cleveland; he advises waiting six to 12 months before taking irreversible actions like buying or selling real estate or making large gifts or investments. “Don’t make any big decisions until you’re in a less emotionally fraught stage,” he says.