The Talk: Discussing Future Housing Arrangements With Older Adults

Emphasize the benefits of making small changes, such as improving lighting, to age in place better, Hall advises. Many older people are open to changes, but “the benefits have to outweigh the discomfort of the conversation,” says Lisa Cini, a senior living design expert and founder of Mosaic Design Studio in Columbus, Ohio.​

Safety at home​

What if your loved one falls or leaves the stove on? If physical security is a concern, experts recommend focusing the conversation on your shared values: safety, health, independence, joy and comfort. Consider getting a professional assessment to evaluate the home’s aging-in-place readiness and to identify potential safety hazards.​

“Say, ‘Because X is important to you, what can we do right away so you’re safer in your home? We can try [these options] out and see how they work,’ ” Hall suggests. It helps to provide published materials, like a pamphlet about hip fractures you can review and discuss together, she adds.

​In addition, investigate community-based services and home care help that make aging in place safer and easier. How your family members respond to a variety of options may tell you something important about what they’re thinking. ​

Moving out of the home​

One of the most difficult discussions may be about moving an older person out of a longtime home filled with cherished memories and items. It’s a place where they feel comfortable, but at some point it may become practical or even necessary to move into a different living space.​

Having discussions early is key for smooth transitions—whether that involves at-home care, assisted living or memory care, McEniff says. Research what’s available, the differences in living arrangements and levels of care, and costs. In-home nonmedical care is approaching $40 an hour, with weekly minimums, but an overwhelming number of people need only a bit of care, he says.​

Moving in with others​

The number of Americans living in multigenerational households has quadrupled since 1971, largely due to caregiving and financial needs, according to a report by the Pew Research Center.​

If you’re considering caring for an aging loved one in your home, there are many issues to consider and talk about to avoid confusion and misunderstandings, experts say.​

Start by asking what is important to the person moving and to you, suggests Cini, who wrote about her experience sharing a house with four generations of her family for nearly five years in Hive: The Simple Guide to Multigenerational Living. You may want to set some ground rules and boundaries: Are certain rooms off limits? Who will buy the groceries? How will chores be handled?​

Financial issues​

These difficult conversations can become even harder when money is involved, experts caution.​

“People don’t like to talk about money. Aging adults feel that it’s none of their adult children’s business or they don’t want to burden them,” says Arvette Reid, client services director at Lifecare Affordability Plan, which helps families plan and pay for housing and health care needs. ​

Step one should be to gather your relative’s financial documents, including wills and bank and pension statements, Reid says. Then investigate options for generating income, such as Social Security benefits, pension, investments, reverse mortgage, long-term care insurance and life insurance.​

Reid and her husband wanted his father to move from his house on two acres to an independent living community closer to them once his eyesight began to deteriorate and he became unsteady on his feet. But he was worried about finances. “He didn’t have a mortgage, so we talked about how he could pay the monthly fee by selling his house,” Reid says. “You have to start asking questions and revealing the reality.”​

In the end, it comes down to peace of mind, for both of you. “The only way you’re going to get peace of mind when it comes to health care and housing is to look at health and wealth together,” she says. “You cannot look at them separately.”​