Navigating Grief During the Holiday Season

10 ways to cope and find comfort while honoring your loved ones

Amy Goyer,

Updated November 26, 2025

AARP

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En español

Published December 11, 2020

/ Updated November 26, 2025

Close-up of a red rose covered in frost in winter. The background is slightly blue.

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Grieving the loss of a loved one is a deep and difficult challenge at any time. The holiday season can magnify our sense of loss and sorrow. Seasonal events can be painful reminders of the absence of loved ones. At the same time, they can also be comforting rituals that allow us to connect with family and friends, focusing on good memories and trying to recapture our sense of joy.

If you are mourning the loss of loved ones this season, consider the following.

1. Only do what feels right

It’s up to you to decide which activities, traditions or events you can handle. You are not obligated to participate in anything that doesn’t feel doable. Create realistic expectations for yourself and others, but above all, be gentle with yourself.

On the other hand, if holiday activities are good distractions that bring joyful feelings and good memories, enjoy a few comforting holiday traditions. Or go all out! Get out every decoration and bask in happy memories. Immerse yourself in holiday movies that always have happy endings. Allow yourself a break and socialize at holiday parties.

It’s all OK — there is no one right way to do this. All you need to do is get through the day, week or season in a healthy way that is comfortable for you. Try not to focus much further ahead than that.

2. Accept your feelings

Everyone takes their own path in grief and mourning. Some may try to avoid the pain and sad feelings; others will be bathed in tears. Some feel bad that they aren’t up to enjoying a holiday; others feel guilty because they are feeling joy. You may cycle through these feelings throughout each day.

Accept whatever you are feeling, as well as the inevitable ups and downs that come with it. You may feel peaceful one moment and gut-wrenchingly sad the next.

It’s all OK; all emotions are normal when grieving. If you stay in tune with your own needs, you’ll know how to get through the holidays without judging yourself or others.

3. Get support for your emotions and grief

Talk with family and friends about your emotions and mental health needs. Be honest about how you’d like to do things this year — if you want to talk about those who have died, then do so, and let others know it’s OK. If you participate in a holiday activity, let people know you may bow out quickly if it’s too much for you, and, if possible, have a friend on standby for support.

Be aware if you are sinking into depression, anxiety or complicated grief (a psychological condition that involves prolonged, very intense grief that interferes with daily functioning). Seek professional help from a physician, therapist or counselor via telehealth. Call the 988 Lifeline to speak with a trained live agent (or text-message).

Connect with others who understand what you are going through in grief support groups. (Read our article “Finding the Right Grief Support Group for Healing” to learn how to find one.)

If attending an in-person support group isn’t possible, consider connecting with others who are grieving via online communities such as AARP’s Grief & Loss community .

If you have been a caregiver for the person who has died, join the AARP Family Caregivers Discussion Group on Facebook, where thousands of former and current caregivers will understand how difficult grief can be after caregiving.

4. Focus on the kids

Many holiday activities place special attention on children, and it may be helpful to focus on them at this time. Realize that your choices regarding how to get through the holidays may affect the children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews in your family. If you withdraw, they may not understand why you don’t want to join family festivities. Perhaps you can allow yourself to feel their joy by participating in activities that are important to them and excuse yourself when you reach your limit.

5. Plan activities

Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual holiday. Plan comforting activities ahead of time so you have something to look forward to, rather than building up dread of the pain that the holiday could bring.

Be sure your plans include breaks for quiet grounding time and rest. Grief can sap our energy, so you may feel worn out more easily than usual. Incorporate rest, music, meditation, prayer, journaling, a walk, a comforting movie and other downtime amidst your holiday activities.

6. Give back

In times of grief and loss, when we may feel paralyzed by intense emotions like sadness, anger or resentment, sometimes relief can be found by giving to others. Focusing on others and taking action that makes a difference can help broaden our perspectives.

You can honor a loved one you’ve lost by making a donation in her name to a charity or a cause she cherished. Alternatively, you can purchase something that symbolizes the person, or what you shared together, to donate to a needy family. For example, my mom always donated toys for the holiday Toys for Tots drives, so now I do that in her memory. I also started a scholarship fund for a children’s theater where my parents were founders, and on holidays I donate in their name.

Also, try channeling negative energies in positive ways that create good in the world. Give of your time and talents. Volunteer to help people in a way that relates to what caused your anguish. Some examples:

If you’ve lost someone to suicide, volunteer for a depression or suicidehotline.
If a hospital or nursing home took good care of your loved one, bring holiday goodies and cards for the staff.
If you were a caregiver for your loved one who died, you know how hard it is to do caregiving during the holidays. Consider supporting a caregiver you know with a gift, a meal or some practical help.

7. Acknowledge and honor those who have died

It can be helpful to participate in holiday rituals in memory of someone you’ve lost, especially if it relates directly to their interests. Here are some ideas.

Light candles.
Talk, write about or post on social media about the person.
Donate children’s toys or books.
Dedicate a prayer or religious service to the loved one’s memory, such as a Catholic Mass or Jewish kaddish.
Plant a tree in memory of the deceased, in your own yard or in a forest (through a group like the Arbor Day Foundation).
Make a card or write a holiday letter with the person’s picture.

Place the deceased’s photo or a significant item of his or hers on your Christmas tree or among holiday decorations. (I have placed my sister’s reindeer antlers, ornaments with my parents’ names, and an angel ornament for my niece on our Christmas tree every year since they died.)

8. Accept help

Accept help when it’s offered, and don’t hesitate to ask for it. Let others cook, host or handle logistics so you don’t have to shoulder everything yourself. When someone offers support and says, “Tell me what you need,” try to provide them with something specific — people genuinely want to help but often need direction.

Others could help with decorating, shopping, shipping packages or cards, wrapping gifts, driving you to family gatherings and parties, or getting your home ready for visitors.

9. Do something different

Losing loved ones with whom you’ve long celebrated can make it feel as if these annual celebrations will never be the same again. In a way, they won’t, and accepting this will help you manage expectations. But remember that different doesn’t have to mean bad.

If possible, embrace the difference and acknowledge that there can still be joy in your life.

For some, new activities — without specific memories tied to lost loved ones — might be easier. For example, after my niece died, my family decided to have a delicious, fancy Christmas dinner at a nearby hotel. The following year, we resumed our at-home holiday meals and traditions, but varying our routine really helped us get through that first year.

Other activities that may create new memories could include:

Hold a virtual family gathering.
Plan a family movie night.
Try a new recipe for the holiday menu.
Have a meal delivered from a grocery store or restaurant.
Volunteer to serve meals at a shelter for people without homes.

You never know — you may really enjoy fresh experiences, and they may become a permanent part of your holiday routines.

10. Skip it

If you feel that participating in a holiday will be too much for you and you’d like to opt out, consider what you will be missing and let family and friends know. But plan comforting alternative activities for yourself and let someone know what you will be doing. It’s a good idea to make sure someone checks in with you regularly, especially on the actual holiday.

The bottom line: Grieving is a very individual and personal journey. No one can tell you how to grieve or how long it will take. I’ve lived through the loss of Mom and Dad, my niece Shaelee and my sister Karen, all around the holidays. I’ve survived by taking my time; doing what feels right to me; seeking support; living in the moment; creating a mix of treasured, familiar, comforting rituals with new experiences; and honoring my loved ones.

Life may never be the same, but you will get through this, and if you allow it, joy will surprise you when it bubbles up again — I promise. Someday, you’ll think of holiday memories with your loved ones, and your first instinct will be to smile.

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