8 Ways to Boost Your Grandkid's Confidence

Use the time you spend with your grandkids to sneak in a few of these confidence-building activities

Nicole Pajer,

AARP

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Published February 24, 2025

a person playing a trumpet on stage with someone clapping in the crowd

Robert Samuel Hanson

A grandparent’s mix of life experience and unconditional love can be incredibly valuable in building a grandchild’s confidence.

“There can be something particularly special about the relationship between grandparents and their grandkids,” says Michelle Felder, a psychotherapist, parenting coach, founder and CEO of Parenting Pathfinders. “Kids can never have too many role models; it’s like having a buffet of mentors to choose from, each offering a different flavor of guidance and inspiration,” says Adolph Brown, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert on ABC’s The Parent Test.

Here are eight ways you can help your grandchildren grow into confident individuals.

1. Be a listening ear — but make sure you’re really listening

Sure, they may be speaking in Gen Z slang and you may have no idea what they are talking about (what the heck do cap, sus and bussin’ mean?), but listening to your grandkids has major benefits. A 2023 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that when children — especially those in single-parent households — spend time with grandparents, they see them as a source of comfort and someone to confide in.

It's a great place to use what’s called active listening. That’s when you make eye contact, give your undivided attention, ask questions, and try to refrain from passing judgment, according to UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. “Using the skill of listening to understand means gently repeating back what you hear them say,” says Landrum.

She also says to stifle the urge to always give advice unless they ask for it.

And you don’t have to sit next to each other on a couch to engage. Landrum says take advantage of making cookies together or riding in the car as moments when you can connect.

2. Encourage your grandchild to talk nicely to themselves

“How children talk to themselves plays a significant role in how they feel about themselves,” Felder says. She suggests doing your best to help your grandkids navigate a moment of self-doubt by reframing to be positive and compassionate. For example, if your grandchild says, "I’m the worst at this!" you might respond by saying, ‘You’re still learning, and mistakes are proof that you’re trying.”

You can also model this behavior in how you speak about yourself. "This can be as simple as walking by a mirror, pausing and saying out loud, ‘I love how this color looks on me!’ or ‘This new haircut looks and feels great!’” Felder says. She also suggests allowing your grandchild to witness how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake. “For example, if you accidentally break something, try to respond in a way that’s kind, compassionate, and highlights that you’ve got what it takes to handle whatever happened. This could sound like, ‘Oops! I wasn’t expecting that to happen! But, we all make mistakes sometimes, and I know just what to do to fix it.’”

3. Show interest in their hobbies and passions

“It helps kids to feel good about who they are when the people they love are genuinely interested in knowing more about who they are,” Felder says. She encourages grandparents to be curious and enthusiastic about the things that their grandkids are passionate about. You don’t have to love everything they like — that latest reality show everyone is talking about isn’t for everyone — but home in on the things you can appreciate, like a shared hobby or doing a craft together.

Or you could go to an event together such as a concert, art exhibit or restaurant. You can even introduce your grandkids to your own hobbies, like photography, and see if that’s something that interests them.

4. Show up

There’s nothing that shows support like sitting in the bleachers of a soccer game and cheering loudly among the sea of parents, Felder says. Attend your grandkids’ events and performances. If you can’t make it in person, ask for videos or pictures. Have them tell you about it or — bonus points — show you how to do the things they love to do.

And put things they create on display, which can be as easy as showcasing a drawing they made on your fridge. “Your authentic interest in the things your grandkids are into can be validating, which has the power to encourage them to pursue their dreams with confidence,” Felder says.

5. Don’t comment on their eating habits or appearance

You may have sworn off Twinkies to save yourself the extra pounds, but if you see your grandchild eating something unhealthy, it’s best to leave it alone. That’s true for so much of what your grandchildren choose to do or what they wear.

“While you might have the best intentions, these comments typically have adverse effects on self-esteem and can lead to unhealthy behaviors,” says Leslie Randolph, a self-confidence coach for teenage girls and host of the podcast Why Didn’t They Tell Us?

“When kids are encouraged to express themselves — and unconditionally accepted when they do — it can strengthen their sense of self and confidence in who they are,” Felder says. You may not understand a new piercing or the desire to have purple hair, but try to keep any critical comments about their identity to yourself. “Celebrate their uniqueness and let them know that you love them and value them exactly as they are,” Felder adds.

6. Be strategic with your praise

Everyone likes to feel like they have a cheerleader in their corner. And when it comes to praise, the more specific, the better, says Monika Roots, a child psychiatrist and co-founder at Bend Health, a provider of pediatric mental health care for kids.

You should be specific about praising a child’s efforts and the individual contributions they made toward accomplishing a goal, Roots says. “Instead of saying, ‘Great job on your essay,’ say, ‘I loved the way you described the character in the story.’ Instead of, ‘Great game,’ say, ‘I loved how you showed you were a team player,’” Roots says.

You should also encourage your grandkids to embrace their uniqueness, says Alison McKleroy, a therapist and author at Center for Spark, a personal development and coaching company.

“Instead of focusing on outcomes — like getting good grades or excelling at a sport — you can help them cultivate resilience by reminding them that it’s normal to make mistakes, struggle, and fail,” McKleroy says. For example, skip saying things like, “You’re so smart,” and try something like, “I noticed how you kept going even when things were hard. That shows a lot of commitment and persistence.”

7. Give them some responsibility

Giving your grandchild a task they can pull off can go a long way in helping them to feel self-assured. This helps a child demonstrate that they are valuable and competent, Roots says.

She suggests assigning each grandkid an age-appropriate responsibility. “For example, if your family is having dinner at your home, have your 3-year-old grandchild help set the table, and your 5-year-old grandchild clear it,” she suggests. “Allowing a grandchild to complete a responsibility teaches them to be focused and goal-directed,” Roots says. “It teaches them how to delay gratification (no play until the chore is complete), and it helps them with planning, prioritizing and problem-solving.”

8. Share your own highs and lows

You’ve accumulated some wisdom throughout the years. Open up and share that with your grandkids. “Grandparents who share their own experiences of overcoming adversity provide their grandchildren with real-life models of resilience and coping,” Wright says.

“Remind your grandkids that what feels so right now might not matter in a week, a month, and certainly decades from now,” Randolph adds. It can help to validate what your grandkid is feeling by saying, "I remember how hard it felt when I didn't make the team" or "I can imagine how difficult it is knowing your friends are hanging out without you." Give them a safe space by simply saying, “Tell me more about that,” and offer reassurance that those feelings will not last forever, she says.

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