How Caregivers Can Take a Guilt-Free Vacation

Involve your loved one in the planning

If they have the capacity to participate, include them in the decision-making process, says Vaillancourt. This approach can foster greater “buy-in on their part,” making them more comfortable and more likely to go along with the plan.

Think ahead and take baby steps

Don’t wait until a few weeks before your vacation to start this process. “The earlier you can do it, the better,” Vaillancourt says. Planning well in advance reduces stress and gives you time to adjust your approach if it doesn’t look as if it will work out.

Mayfield recommends gradually easing into longer breaks by first taking a few shorter periods away. If you’re a full-time caregiver, that could mean taking a couple of hours to enjoy dinner out, then planning a weekend away and eventually working up to extended vacations. This approach, she says, not only gets your loved one accustomed to the idea of you not always being there. Just as important, it will help you get used to stepping away.

Document all pertinent information

Make sure your fill-in person or people are fully prepared. Create a physical or digital folder that includes information such as:

• A list of your loved one’s medications along with the dosing instructions and timing details.
• Copies of insurance cards and relevant documents, such as an advance directive for medical decisions.
• Contact information for medical providers, your loved one’s pharmacy and nearby emergency services.
• A detailed outline of your loved one’s daily routines and, if needed, a list of strategies that can help them calm down if they feel anxious or agitated.

While you’re preparing, make sure that all necessary prescriptions and medical supplies are well stocked. If your loved one lives in a care facility, let them know about your travel dates and share contact information for your backups.

Also, consider leaving behind small mementos, such as prerecorded video messages or handwritten notes for each day you’re gone, Vaillancourt says. These thoughtful touches can help redirect your loved one’s focus from counting the days until you return to daily special moments they can look forward to, she adds.

Set and share expectations

Cognitive abilities vary, but if your loved one will be aware that you are away, let them know when you’ll check in and what form that will take, such as a video call, phone call or text. While you’re setting expectations, also consider creating physical reminders that detail the coverage plan. For instance, you could write the full schedule on a whiteboard so your loved one has a daily reminder of who will check in, what they will do and when they will be there, Vaillancourt says.

Be sure to clearly communicate with your support team as well

Let the team know your preferred communication methods, how often you want to be updated and what types of issues you’d like to be contacted about. You may want a brief daily update or prefer to disconnect and be notified only about emergencies.  

Be prepared for some big emotions

“You could have a whole range of emotions — from relief to sadness to guilt,” Mayfield says.

“All those feelings are expected and normal,” she adds, and shouldn’t hold you back from taking time away.

Helpful ways to cope: Acknowledge your feelings and know they are a natural part of the caregiving experience. Share your thoughts with trusted people around you. “Talk with others who can relate, such as a support group or a friend in the same position,” Mayfield says.  

Honor your check-in plans

Do your best not to have extensive contact beyond the check-in schedule you set before you left. If you’re feeling on edge, it’s OK to check in more frequently on the first day of your vacation, but after that, try to “trust the person that’s with them and trust the process,” Mayfield says.

“No matter how hard it is, if you don’t detach, you’re not really taking a break,” she adds. “You’re physically gone, but you’re not emotionally giving yourself a break.”

Have faith in the system you set up and that if anything unexpected happens with your loved one, someone will contact you.

Vaillancourt recommends using mindfulness to stay present. “Catch it when your mind starts to wander and bring it back to the present moment,” she says.

Take a reminder of peace back with you

Vaillancourt recommends bringing home an object or photo to help “anchor” you back into a relaxing moment. “It could be a shell from the beach, a leaf from a tree or an image of the sunset — whatever it is, it [represents] a happy moment,” she says. Each time you hold that object or look at that photo, you can mentally return to your time away, getting a moment of calm.

Ease back in. Don’t fill your initial time back with appointments for your loved one and a litany of tasks for yourself. “To the extent possible, don’t overschedule yourself for the first few days back so you don’t lose that peaceful, easy feeling immediately upon going home,” Mayfield says. “Be kind to yourself and have a slow ramp-up.”