The Daters' Dictionary

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Blind date: An appointment that can kick off a grand adventure.

Want to know the true meaning of commonly used words in the dating arena? Read on. Dating expert/writer Nancy Davidoff Kelton reveals what's behind the standard definitions.

Get more dating tips in the AARP Leisure Newsletter.

Date: an appointment to go out with another person.

Per Nancy: an appointment between two people that often leads to one or more of the following

• a second appointment
• a kiss
• more than one kiss
• more than mere kissing
• ecstasy
• misery
• medication
• phone calls to friends for sympathy
• wedded bliss
• a date with someone else

Blind date: an appointment between two people who have never met, arranged by a mutual acquaintance or through an online ad.

Per Nancy:
1. an appointment between two people during which it becomes clear that one or both were described with a pack of lies

2. an appointment dreaded more deeply than public speaking or a root canal

3. an appointment that can kick off a grand adventure

Perfect date: an appointment where everything clicks and not a single gaffe occurs

Per Nancy:
1. an oxymoron

2. an appointment that is customarily a figment of one's imagination (until the right person comes along)

3. an appointment where it turns out that the right person thinks you're not

Dateless: a condition that grants you time to sort out what you want in life

Per Nancy:
1. a condition that grants you time to give yourself a henna rinse, convert your photos to digital format and giggle with your friends about the jerks you've dated

2. a condition in which you ask yourself why no jerk is calling now that you've rinsed, converted and giggled

3. a condition to avoid in the last 10 minutes of Dec. 31 — or on the ramp of Noah's Ark

Foreplay: intimate acts between two people, designed to kindle sexual desire, arousal and activity

Per Nancy:
1. to men, any of the following:

• turning off the television first
• lowering the volume
• a mysterious practice that may require gentle instruction

2. to women (and some men), a long, sweet process that includes:

• kissing
• petting
• shedding clothes (yours and his)
• flinging said garments about the room
• touching
• exploring
• heavy breathing
• more kissing
• more touching
• to some women, all of the above — plus dinner!

"I'll call you, OK?" phrase uttered by a man to a woman on parting, whether they had sparks or a snooze

Per Nancy:
1. To women, "I'll call you" means just that

2. To men, "I'll call you" can mean:

•  "Maybe you'll hear from me, maybe you won't"
• "Expect to hear from me sometime between tomorrow night and next summer"
•  "I'll call you after the playoffs"
• "I'll be in touch — unless I lose your number or my nerve"

Party: a social gathering that includes refreshments and conversation

Per Nancy:
1. a social gathering that includes the above, plus gathering intelligence on which single guests are available — and which married ones are about to become so

2. a social gathering that makes people without partners:

• wish they were somewhere else — anywhere else
• truly sorry they dumped their spouses

Rejection: a refusal to accept something offered

Per Nancy:
1. an invitation to take a flying leap (can be issued anywhere from at first sight to years down the pike)

2. any form of public humiliation, put-down or abuse (all are bright-red flags)

The two main types of rejection are:

Nonverbal

• disappearing without a word
• disappearing during dinner, a conversation or in bed
• a look that lacks warmth
• a lack of interest in closeness
• a lock that's been changed
• rushing around collecting all the CDs, underwear or whatever else you left at his or her place

Verbal

• "It's not you, it's me"
• "I need space"
• "I need time"
• "I need a spreadsheet to figure this out"
• "I hope we can still be friends" (Ouch.)

Retread: to make over or try again

Per Nancy: trying once more because:

•  the other person is available again
•  the other person is still available
• after other dates and relationships, you've realized that, in the grand scheme of things, the other person isn't such a creep
• you've grown weary of the grand scheme of things

Space: an interval of time

Per Nancy:
1. an interval of time, preferably forever;

2. a living area for an ex, preferably in another state or on a different planet

Keeper: any person with whom you click, fit, wish to build a relationship and possibly even marry

Per Nancy: my second husband, Jonathan, whom I met online at 60 after decades of dating

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