How to Overcome Beginner's Frustration With Meditation

You think you don't have time

New meditators often set overly ambitious initial goals, such as meditating for 20 minutes twice a day, Harris says. He recommends “setting a lower bar.” You might start with just one minute “daily-ish,” he says, to build confidence and motivation to do more.

Meditation teacher and psychotherapist Tara Brach, founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C., says that “research shows that even a short amount of meditation, a few minutes a day, can make a real difference.”

The goal is to make meditation a habit, as regular as brushing your teeth, the experts say. “The best thing to do is to have a plan” and to follow through, no matter what, De La Rosa says.

Some people like to meditate first thing in the morning, but others prefer tacking meditation onto their lunch break or some other daily habit, and any time is fine, says Rae Houseman, head of coaching at Ten Percent Happier.

You think you're doing it wrong

"No one wants to do something they think they are failing at,” says Brach, author of an upcoming book called Trusting the Gold: Uncovering Your Natural Goodness.

New meditators often lament that they are failing to clear their minds or quiet their thoughts. But that reveals a common misconception, Harris says: “The whole goal of the practice is to notice when you become distracted, and start again and again. Every time you start again, it's like a bicep curl for your brain.” During a meditation session, Brach says, “your only job is to come into stillness and pay attention as well as you can."

You get distracted by aches and pains

If even the thought of sitting cross-legged on a cushion makes your back hurt, Houseman has good news: “There's no need to sit in any particular position.” You can sit in a chair, stand, lie down or even walk while meditating, she says.

Still, many people will notice physical discomfort as they meditate. One strategy is to notice the discomfort and “allow it,” Brach says. “I encourage people to think of difficulties as weather systems or waves in the sea that come and go. Meditation helps you to ride the wave.” Another approach, she says, is to adjust your position, with feelings of kindness toward yourself. Different approaches are right for different people at different times, she says.

You fall asleep

If you start to doze off, “there's nothing wrong with you,” Houseman says. “It doesn't mean you can't meditate.” Instead, you can note the sleepiness with some “curiosity,” she says. “Notice the sensations, the overwhelming pleasantness.” The act of noticing, she explains, may make you more alert. It's also OK, she adds, to open your eyes or stand up as you continue meditating.

You get bored and your mind wanders

The prescription, again, is to “bring more interest to what you are actually experiencing,” to note it and let it be, Houseman says.

Brach adds that it's always good to try new styles or modes of meditating — with support from the many books, online videos and apps (popular ones, in addition to Ten Percent Happier and Headspace, include Calm, Insight Timer and Waking Up) that offer thousands of unique meditations. Brach's website offers a free 40-day meditation course. You're likely to find one guide (or many) that speaks to you.

As COVID-19 restrictions ease, consider in-person classes and retreats. “We have to keep it fresh,” Brach says. Practicing with other people lets you see that others are facing the same challenges you face, she notes. “It helps us lighten up on ourselves.”