12 Habits of Highly Sex-cessful People

3. Sex-cessful couples soak up the sun

You’ve no doubt heard about the importance of vitamin D, and perhaps you’ve asked your doctor to check your blood levels. If not, and if you live in the northern half of the nation, a lack of vitamin D might be interfering with your love life. Low D has been linked to decreased erectile and orgasmic function, as well as diminished sexual desire. But supplements in winter can help: Additional research has found that supplementing with vitamin D can improve sexual function and mood in women with low vitamin D levels. To get more D from your diet, prioritize vitamin D–fortified foods, such as milk or yogurt. If you prefer to get your vitamin D from being outdoors, remember that you also need to protect yourself: The average age of people receiving a melanoma diagnosis is 66.

4. Sex-cessful couples work their muscles

Working out increases sexual arousal in women and helps combat erectile dysfunction in men. But more important, exercise — especially vigorous exercise that stimulates our muscles — is critical to our libidos.

When we exercise, the stress on our muscles stimulates the hypothalamus to produce sex hormones, says King: “It stimulates an effect that goes through our pituitary to our adrenal glands to start building those precursors to testosterone, estrogen and progesterone.” Without that stimulation, our brains never get the signal that it’s time for lovin’.

The American Heart Association recommends at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week, 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity exercise or a combination of both, adding in resistance or weight training several days a week. But don’t overdo it; one study found that men who engage in intense endurance training for long periods of time had reduced libidos.

5. Sex-cessful couples avoid late-night sweets

Many of us enjoy a good after-dinner treat. Dessert is one thing — a midnight snack is something else.

“Eating sugar before bed causes insulin release and can temporarily suppress testosterone levels,” says Dr. Raevti Bole, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic. Anyone who has felt a crash after a sugar high will understand this effect. “This can make you feel sluggish and sleepy, which can tamper with your arousal,” Bole adds. If you’re hungry before bed, opt for something less sugary, like a piece of fruit, crackers and cheese. Avoid processed treats, desserts and sugar-sweetened beverages in the hours leading up to bed.

6. Sex-cessful couples drink a lot

Not booze — water. Water makes up 75 percent of a newborn’s total body weight, but as we age, that percentage drops; in older adults, it can be 50 percent or lower. And that can impact our health and our sex lives.

Proper hydration is critical to the cardiovascular system, which is responsible for keeping nutrients and oxygen flowing throughout the body. Even mild dehydration can impact a man’s ability to achieve an erection, and for women, it can cause issues with vaginal lubrication and genital arousal, says Sheryl Kingsberg, division chief, ob/gyn behavioral medicine at the University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and professor of reproductive biology, psychiatry and urology at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine.

Keep a water bottle nearby to sip on throughout the day; reduce your alcohol intake, as that can further dehydrate you; and incorporate water-rich fruits and vegetables into your meals and snacks.

7. Sex-cessful couples make their bed daily

Clutter and messiness can sneak up on you, causing stress you might not even be aware of. One study found that cortisol levels in women with cluttered homes rose during the day and stayed high when the clutter remained; the effect was more powerful on women than on their partners.

“It is likely that this is related to the expectations that women will still be responsible for keeping the home presentable and the social approval inherent in having a lovely home,” says Bole. Chaos around us, she adds, “impacts our ability to concentrate and focus.” Another study that looked at the relationship between clutter and procrastination found that older adults with clutter problems tended to report a significant decrease in life satisfaction. Making your bed first thing in the morning gives you a sense of control that can help reduce the feeling of being a victim of chaos. Better yet, make it together.

8. Sex-cessful couples talk about their sex life

Studies show that talking about sex with your partner leads to a much more fulfilling sex life. Partners with fulfilling sex lives know this and make a habit of it. “Long-term couples who continue to have great sexual chemistry don’t rely on the passion that comes from a new, exciting partner,” says Kingsberg. Instead, she says, they focus on keeping their relationship fresh and exciting outside the bedroom by sharing ideas, activities, hopes and dreams and intimate thoughts. And they don’t stop talking when they aren’t in person, sending each other a loving or even sexy text as a surprise while out on the go. “In contrast, when couples are distant and uncommunicative outside the bedroom, this lack of interaction drifts quickly into the bedroom,” she adds.

These couples are also not afraid to talk about new preferences and challenges that may come up between the sheets. “Hormonal shifts, menopause, erectile changes, medications and chronic health conditions are all common parts of aging, and none of them mean intimacy has to disappear,” says Gabby Jimmerson, a certified sex therapist in Nashville, Tennessee, who also sees clients virtually. What worked at 35 may not feel the same at 65, and couples who normalize these changes by talking regularly about them stay connected and avoid unnecessary misunderstandings, she adds.

9. Sex-cessful couples review their medications

Research shows that as many as 9 in 10 older adults take some form of prescription medication. One study found that 4 out of 10 adults age 65 and up were using five or more per day. But many medications come with side effects that can lower libido. These include some antidepressants, antihistamines, prostate drugs and blood pressure medications.“Too often, patients don’t realize their medication is the problem, or they’re too embarrassed to bring it up,” says Dr. Lori Davis, a clinical sexologist in Ithaca, New York. But checking your medication list with your doctor can only benefit your sex life — sometimes a simple dose adjustment or switching to a different medication can make all the difference. “If a medication change isn’t possible, ask your doctor about strategies to work around it, whether that’s timing intimacy for when medication effects are lowest or exploring additional interventions that can help,” adds Davis.

10. Sex-cessful couples think beyond intercourse

Sure, there’s sex, but when was the last time you lit candles and gave your partner a sexy massage?

As we get older, our sex lives can shift. We have new aches and pains, medical conditions, changes in desires. Sex-cessful couples know how to work around this by taking the pressure off. “One of the biggest obstacles to satisfying intimacy later in life is comparison — especially comparing today’s body to the body you had decades ago,” says Tiffany Stanley, a licensed psychotherapist, sex therapist and an

AASECT-certified sex therapist. She notes that when couples shift their focus away from performance and toward pleasure, flexibility and shared enjoyment, intimacy often improves.

And don’t be afraid to let go of the idea of what sex should look like. “Many couples discover that when they stop fixating on penetrative sex as the goal, they open up a whole world of pleasure and intimacy they’d been missing,” says Davis. Sensual massage, mutual masturbation, oral sex and extended foreplay aren’t just preludes anymore and can become valued experiences in their own right. “The couples I work with who report the most satisfying sex lives after 50 are the ones who’ve given themselves permission to explore what actually feels good, rather than following some outdated playbook,” adds Davis. This shift, she says, often leads to more creative, playful and genuinely satisfying sexual experiences. The key is communicating openly about what brings you pleasure and being willing to experiment with approaches that honor both partners’ desires and comfort.

11. Sex-cessful couples prioritize sexual health maintenance

“After 50, both men and women experience physiological changes that directly impact sexual function,” says Davis. But sex-cessful couples know these aren’t just side effects of “normal aging” that you have to accept. “The key is being proactive about sexual health, the same way you are about your heart health or bone density,” explains Davis.

The genitourinary syndrome of menopause — vaginal and urinary symptoms caused by declining estrogen — affect up to 84 percent of postmenopausal women, which can lead to vaginal dryness, pain during sex and urinary issues. “Many women suffer silently because they don’t realize these symptoms are treatable,” says Davis. Vaginal estrogen therapy and lubricant can dramatically improve comfort and pleasure.

Men begin to lose about 1 percent of testosterone per year after age 40, which can lead to desire and performance issues. Lifestyle changes like losing some pounds, lifting weights, eating healthy and getting better sleep may help. Have your doctor check your levels to help you stay on top of them and ask about testosterone replacement therapy if they’re low.

As we get older, our pelvic floor muscles can weaken — and this affects both sexes. “Pelvic floor physical therapy and regular exercises can enhance sexual sensation, support orgasm intensity and improve overall sexual function,” says Davis.

12. Sex-cessful couples aren’t afraid to call in help

Sometimes we need a little help in the sex department, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Our libidos can change with age. Plus life circumstances can also get in the way. “Stress, grief, body image concerns, depression or relationship changes can all affect intimacy,” says Stanley. Talking with a therapist — whether individually or as a couple — can help you navigate these challenges and reconnect with your partner in meaningful ways.

And help doesn’t come just in the form of talking to a professional.

"Couples can use enhancement tools — such as mobility-friendly vibrators with extensions, specialized post-menopausal lubricants, or ergonomic pillow wedges— to better support comfort, pleasure, and connection,” says Kayna Cassard, a sex therapist and author of Arousal, Answered: An Expert’s Guide to Authentic Pleasure and Liberating Sex.