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How to Host a Pressure-Free Holiday Gathering

An empty nester wants to plan a more polished holiday party without the stress of years past. Our etiquette expert walks her through it

3-minute read

Lizzie Post,

AARP

Published October 23, 2026

a person rolls a red carpet across a table, revealing a holiday feast

Rolling out the red carpet for your guests should be as stress-free as possible in order to focus on spending meaningful time with them.

Jon Krause

It’s common for many families to keep holiday entertaining simple during the “kid years,” but once the children are grown, you may want to make your festivities more sophisticated, too. Which is why I’m giving this anonymous empty nester, who asks the question below, a standing ovation for wanting to take on holiday hosting with gusto.

When my kids were still at home, my holiday hosting style was basic, last-minute and frankly stressful. As a new empty nester, I’d like to flex my entertaining muscles. What’s the best way to plan a more structured but still friendly and relaxed gathering?

Vision is your first task. What kind of festive occasion are you intending? Who are the guests you’d like to host? What kind of menu and decor are you dreaming of? Other questions to consider and start making decisions about: Do you want to handle the whole menu, or would you prefer contributions from your guests? How formal do you want the gathering to be?

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Once you’ve answered those questions, send out invitations as soon as possible, as holiday plans fill the calendar quickly. You’ll want to use the method most likely to get a reply, whether that’s text, an e-vite link or email. Remember to include a reply-by date (RSVP). Not only does it let guests know when they need to give you an answer, it also gives you a reasonable date for following up if you don’t hear from them.

Modern Manners

Navigate today’s often complex social situations with Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette icon Emily Post. Lizzie will help you find the suitable words to say and the proper things to do when dealing with family, friends and community.

Email your etiquette questions to modernmanners@aarp.org

As guests RSVP, they’ll likely ask whether they can bring something. It isn’t mandatory, of course, but if you would like to take some of the meal prep off your plate, indicate that when you issue the invitation: “We’re doing a potluck. Would you be able to bring a side dish or dessert?” The RSVP moment is the perfect time to ask about allergies, dietary restrictions or accessibility accommodations.

Once you’ve invited your guests and have a rough estimate of who can make it, you’re ready to create a party plan. I like to do mine in two parts. First, make a schedule well ahead of time for cleaning your home (one to two days before the party), grocery shopping (the week of the party), and completing tasks like rearranging furniture and setting up buffets or bars (the day before).

Next, work backward from the time you’d like your main meal served. Consider elements such as the hors d’oeuvres hour and what you’d like to serve during it. Don’t forget to give your guests about a half-hour arrival window. Brainstorm activities you might all do together, such as taking a walk after the meal or watching the big game. Add in time for getting dressed and being ready to receive your guests, and for any cleaning, cooking or setup that can only be done on the day of the party.

You’ll also need to decide how you’d like your table set (if you’re using one) and your style of service: plated, buffet or family style. Consider decorations for other areas where guests will be; flowers in the entryway, living room and restrooms make a lovely addition and spruce up each space nicely.

Whatever level of holiday entertaining you choose, remember that the goal is to make guests feel welcome and cared for, so that everyone comes away with warm memories of meaningful time spent together.

Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She’s the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and Emily Post's Business Etiquette. She is co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.