I Have No Interest in Sex. Is It Still OK to Date?

It’s absolutely possible to have a sex-free relationship, say our experts. It’s all about communication

Ellen Uzelac,

AARP

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Published April 02, 2026

a graphic illustration with a three quarter perspective shows an older adult couple peacefully reading by a lamp in their living room

Kiersten Essenpreis

This week’s query is from a woman who wants to start dating again, with one caveat: no sex.

I’m no matchmaker, but based on the reader emails we get for In the Mood, I’m betting there are plenty of folks who will totally get where she’s coming from.

I like how certified sex therapist Nan Wise frames it: “There are many people, if they are honest, who have never been interested in sex, but they do want companionship and connection. You are in good company.”

I’m a 65-year-old female and have no interest in sex — never have. I am contemplating dating and seeking companionship, but I don’t know how a relationship can be successful when I have no interest in sex. Suggestions? —Submitted via email by K.K.

First off, thanks for shining a light on this. What you describe is fairly common but isn’t talked about very often, partly due to a generation that doesn’t find it appropriate to talk about, as well as an tendency to view differences as “problems” rather than normal variations, says licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, codirector of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, a continuing education provider in the field of clinical sexology.

The reality, says Needle, is that some people have little or no interest in sex throughout their lives, while others find that their interest in sex changes over time. Neither experience means that something is “wrong,” she adds.

The bottom line, as Needle sees it: “A relationship can absolutely be successful without sex as long as both people are open, honest and on the same page about expectations.”

Here’s our experts’ best advice.

Step one: Explore where exactly you stand on sex. A therapist can help you open your mind to what you truly want a relationship to look like, Wise says.

A term you might want to explore, in therapy or on your own, to help you understand your lack of interest in sex is “asexuality,” says Rosara Torrisi, founding director and senior therapist at The Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy.

Asexuality is not a diagnosis and doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have sex, says Torrisi. There’s an entire asexuality spectrum.

“There’s a difference between ‘I don’t like sex,’ which is negative, and ‘It does nothing for me,’ which is neutral,” Torrisi explains. Both, and much in between, are considered asexuality.

If you think that you are asexual, there are podcasts, websites and possibly even support groups in your community. Torrisi suggests you start your investigation by checking out Asexuality.org, a website that provides resources on the topic.

Think about sex in a new way. Consider if there is anything about sex and intimacy, like the play beforehand or the afterglow, that you do enjoy, says Torrisi. It could be something you want to be a part of your next relationship.

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While you are reframing what intimacy looks like, Wise encourages you to also explore your body and figure out what feels good to you. “We have these bodies, and they can feel good to be in,” says Wise, author of Why Good Sex Matters. “Explore your body with curiosity.”

Certified sex therapist Marianne Brandon’s overarching message for you: There are many ways to experience sex and intimacy that don’t involve intercourse.

Among Brandon’s suggestions: Cuddle, hold hands, sit on the couch together and rub each other’s arms or back.

“All of that communicates so much tenderness and affection,” she says.

When to bring up your boundaries around sex with a new partner. Brandon says the timing will depend on your comfort level. “There’s no right answer here,” she says. “As she feels her sense of safety and trust building, those are indicators that it may be time for a more intimate conversation.”

As the relationship develops, Needle says it will be helpful to communicate that sex has not been an important part of your life.

“This allows both people to decide whether the relationship feels like a good fit,” Needle adds.

Brandon suggests a conversation starter like: “It feels so good being close to you. Can we talk about what that means for me and what that means for you?”

It might be nice, Brandon says, to hold hands while talking and to maintain eye contact. “Allowing herself to breathe calmly can help a difficult conversation go smoother,” she notes.

One important point: Speak openly and don’t compromise your values, says Rebecca Hartman, a licensed mental health therapist at the Hawai‘i Center for Sexual and Relationship Health.

“Negotiate an agreement for each of you. Maybe you agree to just have sex on holidays and birthdays. And penetrative sex may not be possible or even the goal,” Hartman says. “At 65, this feels more common of an experience than when they were 25. It might not be as big a deal as you think.”

Parting thoughts. The most important thing to remember is that relationships come in many forms.

As Needle says, “There is no single blueprint for what a partnership should look like. What matters most is finding someone whose expectations, values and desires align with your own.”

Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.

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