Is It Wrong That I’m Not Sad in My Empty Nest?

Still, the undertaking earned him a feature in The Washington Post and was the gateway to pursuing a college education in graphic design. Moreover, it brought my son joy and a feeling of success when so many other things in his life did not. Recently he decided to transfer from a state university to the Savannah College of Art and Design to level up his craft.

Meanwhile, my daughter’s passion for skateboarding and other sports led to so many broken bones (nine) and surgeries (three) that they became the topic of her college essay. One of her injuries dislocated her foot and prevented her from walking for three months while a pin fused her joints back together.

And then there was the time my new boyfriend and I were away for our first night, and a stranger called to inform me my daughter was discovered in a pool of blood in the street, having just broken both arms and her nose, and dislocating her elbow. Her physical injuries and hospital stays were nothing compared to the misery of missing seasons of sports and her active lifestyle.

No wonder my first thought of newfound freedom was wondering if I might do a happy dance. Yet milestones have an unhealthy way of making you compare what you had with what you wanted. I definitely didn’t get the intact, cozy family experience that Amy was mourning.

But you know what? I had a job to do, and in a very significant way — making them feel loved and supported — I aced it. My girlfriends give me props for always accepting my kids for who they are and meeting them where they were, which, believe me, was not always where I wanted them to be. It makes me proud to know them now as young adults, let alone to think about the fact that I raised them.

Maybe the best is yet to come. For the first time since they were born, I will be able to put myself first without worrying about their schedules and needs, or whether we’ve run out of spaghetti sauce. As they go forward to pursue their respective educations, I’m free to pursue myself.

As for the nest, I decided to ditch it altogether. A smaller, more manageable home will afford me more choices as I support two college tuitions as a self-employed writer.  It will have more than enough room for the kids to return, with their laundry and their friends, as we swap tales from the days we spent apart. And when I imagine that, I do indeed expect a happy dance.

I don’t know exactly how I’m going to answer Mary Oliver’s oft-quoted question, “Tell me, what is it you’re going to do with your one wild and precious life?”  But recently I had an epiphany: Maybe I’d like to go back to school myself. And just like that, I applied, got accepted and will start earning credits toward a degree in life coaching this fall.

AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.