Marlee Matlin: ‘Don’t Think of Me as Different From You’

Who gave you the best advice in your life? What did they tell you?

Different people certainly offered advice on different aspects of my life. But I can say safely that Henry Winkler [79] was the one who really put it on the line. He got through to me with his words. He says the same thing: “Never give up. Don’t ever give up.” I guess that’s on a work level, but my dad, too, would always say “try.” He would finger-spell very specifically: “T-R-Y. Try.” And I have that tattooed on myself in American Sign Language. He wasn’t one to expand and give you in-depth advice or go into very deep explanations. He was very simple, to the point — just T-R-Y.

Matlin says her good friend Henry Winkler, left, gave her the best advice of her life — “Never give up. Don’t ever give up.”

Jon Shenk/Courtesy Actual Films

When the documentary was being made, you had recently become a grandmother, from your oldest daughter. [Matlin has four children with husband Kevin Grandalski: Sarah, 29; Brandon, 24; Tyler, 22; and Isabelle, 21.]

Her name is Brooklyn. She’s 14 months old [Matlin presses her iPhone to the camera to show a picture]. And every time I see her on a Zoom, I see that her face lights up when she’s looking at Nana. Or she cries because she wants to have Nana hold her. So I reach out with my hands, but she can’t touch Nana because we’re on a Zoom call. She’s wonderful. She’s learning to sign.

What do you want to instill in Brooklyn and any future grandchildren? What’s the most important thing you want them to know about you?

The most important thing that I would like them to know about me is, even though I’m deaf, don’t think of me as different from you. I am Nana. I am who I am, and I want to make sure that you know that. I will be watching you for a long time, I will say to them, and I’m there for you to become your own person. I’m not gonna let anyone dictate what you should do in your life. I want you to have the opportunity to make your own decisions to the best of your ability, and I would hope that you have the right to be whomever you want to be, whatever it is you want to be.” 

Is that wisdom, the grandkids, the best part about getting older? If not, what is?

I never forgot someone saying to me when I was 21, “Just wait. When you get older, you’ll be much wiser.” And I never understood that. But now I am here and I realize I am. Wiser? Not so much so. More experienced. I can speak about things from experience, from what I’ve seen, what I’ve had a chance to taste, who it is that I’ve had conversations with, all of that. So I would say to my 21-year-old self now: “Just embrace everything, and try to keep whatever you cherish close to yourself. And don’t worry about the small stuff!”

How are you approaching your 60th birthday? Are you planning a party? 

Who says I’m 60? I love celebrating other people’s birthdays. Pretty simple. But yeah, people have said to me, “What are you going to do for your 60th birthday?” And I said, “Nothing, so far.” I don’t like to give myself parties. I don’t like surprises, because I am a person who likes to be in control. And I have to learn to let go. But I would hope that Brooklyn will be with me — and all my kids, all four of them, on my birthday, and my husband, naturally. My family. That’s the most important thing to be with on my 60th birthday.

What’s your secret to a long marriage? [Matlin has been married to Grandalski for 31 years.] Not everybody is that lucky.

The secret to our marriage is the mutual respect — and having a good sense of humor. That’s what we both have.

Do you have a bucket list of things you still want to do? What’s on it?

I would love to be able to sign a Billy Joel [76] concert in person with Billy Joel. In his concert. Gosh, there are so many things I can think of. I would love to work with Meryl Streep [75]. For comedy, and a brilliant comedian actually, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant comedian, I would love to work with Will Ferrell [57].

Matlin and William Hurt were both nominated for Academy Awards for their work in 1986's "Children of a Lesser God." Matlin won the best-actress trophy, the first deaf performer to do so.

Ronald Grant Archive/Courtesy Everett Collection

Do you have any regrets?

We all have regrets of some sort, but I don’t dwell on them. You can’t change history, really. You can’t change what’s happened. I know that regrets are all about learning from what you experienced and then just move on. I can’t think of, or dwell — well, maybe one: I wished that I was a better student at school. I wished I’d listened to my history teacher. I wish I learned to appreciate art, too. I never developed an appreciation for it, and I think I should.

If acting didn’t work out, what would you be doing instead?

I probably would own an amazing, amazing candy store. I probably would have a milkshake bar, too. So there’d be the candy bar and then a milkshake bar and a sundae bar, then something for hot chocolate of all flavors, and then candy everywhere. Don’t tell anybody, because I’m gonna do that. Don’t tell anybody! I don’t want them to steal my idea.

Ah, you have a sweet tooth! What’s your favorite candy?

They vary day-to-day. Right now I am eating sour gummies. Which are probably not great for you. I’m not talking about CBD gummies or anything like that. I also am eating chocolate-covered cherries — I have that little burst of flavor, that little tartness, and then oh gosh, they’re so good, they’re so good. Where’s my purse?