Aging is an Asset for Paul Reiser, 69: 'I've Come to Trust the Process'

So what changed your mind? 

At the time, there were all these reboots that were being met with success. So we were approached and we said, “Well, it’ll be really fun because we just love working together.” But we really struggled with why. You’re not gonna go back and pretend that you’re newlyweds. That ship has sailed. … And then we thought, Well, wait a second. There’s actually great comedy and drama [here] ... Remember those people that you met as newlyweds? Well, guess what? They’re older now. They’re tired. Their dreams didn’t work out like they thought. Their beautiful little child turned out to be quite a handful. Let’s see what they’re like now. We had a great time, and I’m glad we did it.

You’ve also been married a long time — hitting 37 years in August. What’s the secret?I’m gonna tell you the secret — and I don’t say this lightly — I’m a delight. And I can’t stress how instrumental that has been in keeping this particular charade afloat. First of all, I’m lucky because I married somebody wonderful [Paula Ravets, 61], and we like each other. Mad About You sort of grew out of my stand-up, which grew out of my marriage. Because there’s definitely gonna be times when it’s just going the wrong way and you’re tired of each other, or you just don’t have the energy to put into being better or trying harder. But the number of times that you take a deep breath and get off the canvas? It’s hard work — fruitful and rewarding.

You’ve got two adult sons [Ezra, 29, and Leon, 25]. Are they funny like you? 

They’re both funny, and my younger son, who’s a writer now, he’s funnier than me, which really ticks me off because he doesn’t work at it. But I know that somewhere I must have helped contribute to that, because they were raised on comedy.

Stranger Things is set in the ’80s. Did it bring back any memories for you? 

It’s interesting. People respond to shows emotionally when the period was their sweet spot. So I look at things that were early ’70s and they’ll resonate with me more. So I didn’t particularly feel anything about the ’80s.

Who’s funny to you? Any new comedians?When I got back into stand-up 10 years ago, there were comics that were quite accomplished that I never heard of because I wasn’t watching, and I was like, How is this guy selling out Madison Square Garden? I’m not familiar with him or her. So I’m doing a lot of catch-up, and the people that I see that are funny, they’re not even new. John Mulaney’s great, and Jim Gaffigan [58] and Sebastian [Maniscalco, 51], Nikki Glaser. There are so many. Sarah Silverman [54], who’s a little younger than me, but she’s not new. So they’re all young to me. They’re not Alan King. So I’m now Alan King. 

How are you trying to stay healthy — diet, exercise? 

I’m going to send you a flyer. I have it all written out. If you follow my steps, you too can look like this [laughing]. It is not in my nature to be mobile, let alone athletic, so I have to remember to — you got to stretch, you got to exercise, you got to do some cardio, you got to do things. And everything you hear is basically always the same: Don’t eat a lot of cake and don’t eat a lot of fat and get off your ass once in a while. OK, let me jot that down, because that’s new.

I interviewed Michael McDonald, 73, for his book, and not only did you help him write it, you inspired it.

We are friends and it was a very casual suggestion, a joke, because I had questions. I knew him. Not well. Socially, we’d gotten together a couple times; we played some music together. But I never understood his career as much as I loved his music. I went, “I don’t understand you. How could you be in the Doobie Brothers and Steely Dan at the same time? Where did you come from?” So I would ask him questions, and then I felt self-conscious that I would pepper him with questions. I said, “You should write a book; then I don’t have to bother you.” And to my surprise, he goes, “I thought about it. People have asked me about it, but I don’t know how to write a book.” I said, “Well, I could help you if you want to do it.” And it just grew from there. It was a really natural, organic thing. 

“What a Fool Believes: A Memoir,” by Michael McDonald and Paul Reiser. Helping McDonald write the book “was a really natural, organic thing,” Reiser says.

Courtesy HarperCollins

So what would retirement look like to you?

This is it. I’m not eager to do nothing, but I’m content if that was on the menu. I don’t foresee a day that I have to be done. Sometimes, to my wife’s frustration, I’m ridiculously content doing nothing. She’s more adventurous and more eager to have experiences.

Any advice for your younger self?

I would have encouraged me to worry less and trust that it works out, usually. But I think that’s also just a product of youth versus having some miles under your belt. It’s like, Oh, well, it really doesn’t really matter. I was worried about what those people think, and like, Oh, turns out they don’t matter. 

After more than 50 years, how do you reflect back on it all? 

I never would have dreamed that I’d go as far as I have. My goal was: if I can get on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, that would be it. I don’t even know what comes after that. So I got to do that, but only because I was in the movie Diner. I didn’t anticipate that. Diner led to this, which led to that, which led to all these other great things. I never lose sight of that. There's certainly frustrating days … but it’s a pretty good ride. It’s been a surprisingly fruitful and fun journey.