Mel Robbins, 56, Explains the Life-Changing Power of Two Words: ‘Let Them’

The self-help guru talks to AARP about her bestselling book and why you’re never too old to reinvent yourself

Christina Ianzito,

AARP

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Published February 28, 2025

mel robbins next to her book the let them theory

AARP (Penguin Random House, Tony Luong/The New York Times/Redux)

A year or so ago, Mel Robbins, 56, was undoubtedly well-known: She helmed the wildly popular Mel Robbins Podcast and had written two popular self-help books, The 5 Second Rule: The Fastest Way to Change Your Life (2017) and The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life With One Simple Habit (2021). But now? Her fame is next-level. Her new book, The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About, has been perched at or near the top of the bestseller lists since its late-December release. Meanwhile, the podcast she launched in 2022 is among the top five podcasts in the country. She has 8.2 million Instagram followers, and fans are tattooing “Let them” on their bodies. She’s preparing a high-energy tour launching in May with shows in Boston, Chicago, London, Toronto and New York City. “It will feel like the best motivational experience and laugh-out-loud stand-up routine you’ve ever seen,” she tells AARP, with the frank self-confidence essential to her brand.

Part of Robbins’s appeal, though, is her down-to-earth, I’m-just-like-you vibe: She often emphasizes her flaws and mistakes, repeating her story about a particularly low point in her life, around 2008, when she and her husband, Chris, were at the brink of bankruptcy and divorce after a failed business venture, and she was struggling with anxiety and alcoholism. But — thanks to the tools she discovered and subsequently shared in her books and podcast — she took control of her self-destructive behavior, saved her marriage and discovered her gift for motivational speaking. That became clear when her 2011 TEDx talk, “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over,” went viral (it’s received more than 33 million views). It featured her “five-second rule,” which essentially advises counting backward from five to one, rocketship-launch-style, and taking action before you can talk yourself out of doing so.

The idea outlined in The Let Them Theory, which Oprah (yes, Oprah!) described as “one of the best self-help books I’ve ever read,” famously took root when Robbins was helping her son Oakley get ready for his prom. She found herself growing agitated because he didn’t want to take a corsage she’d ordered for his date, then more so when she realized he and his friends didn’t have dinner reservations. Her daughter, observing the scene, grew frustrated and said, “Mom, if Oakley and his friends want to go to a taco bar for pre-prom, LET THEM… It’s their prom. Not yours. Just drop it.”

That led Robbins to a revelation: It’s counterproductive to focus on managing other people’s lives, moods, opinions and actions. So, letting go — letting them — will make you a happier, more productive person. A key next step, though, is to then say, “Let me,” and take action to pursue what really matters. “The problem isn’t you,” Robbins writes. “The problem is the power you unknowingly give other people.”

Her ideas might sound simple, even simplistic, but that’s what people seem to love about them.

Robbins, who was raised in western Michigan, lives in Vermont with her husband, Chris (the last of their three children left for college last fall). She talked to AARP recently about her popularity, why she thinks her theory works, what she does for kicks and more.

Here are some highlights from the interview, which has been edited for space and clarity:

Why do you think so many people have embraced this “let them” concept?

I think there are three reasons. Number one is the fact that it’s simple and works immediately and universally. You read a headline, and it stresses you out, and you say, “Let them,” and you immediately feel different. That’s one reason. The second reason is that you immediately know it’s true. Whether you’re a fan of stoicism or Buddhism, or you love the Serenity Prayer, or you understand radical acceptance or detachment theory — the Let Them Theory is part of this eternal legacy of wisdom and of philosophy and of spiritual teachings, only it’s now a modern, simple tool that is relevant to life right now.

And the third reason is that, ultimately, this book is about freedom and power and control, and this very, very simple message is hitting at a moment in modern history where the average person feels more stressed out, more overwhelmed, more uncertain about the future. And this is a tool — it’s not something intellectual or complicated — it’s a tool that helps you understand in an instant what is in your control and what is not in your control.

mel robbins puts her arms up to wave as she walks through a crowd

Mel Robbins at an event in Boston earlier this year.

Erin Clark/The Boston Globe/Getty Images

How does it help you, personally?

I’m just like everybody else. I read the headlines, I feel overwhelmed, stressed out, and discouraged. I’ve got parents who are aging and I’m worried about. I’ve got adult kids, and I’m worried about them too. What has been very helpful to me is understanding that there are always going to be things in life that are out of your control, and that’s not where your power is. So when you’re saying, “Let them,” you’re saying to yourself, “I recognize that my parents getting older is out of my control. And I also recognize that anytime I try to control something that I can’t control, namely other people, I’m just going to cause stress for myself. So I’m going to say, ‘Let them.’”

Can you explain the second part of your theory?

After I say, “Let them,” I say, "Let me." Let me remind myself that there are always three things I can control. I can control what I think about this. I can control what I do or don’t do, and I can control how I react to my emotions. If I focus on these three things, I know, through my attitude and my actions, I can make things a little better.

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You’re a big believer in reinvention. What would you say to older people who might feel it’s too late for second acts?

I would tell them, “If you’re breathing and you’re reading this, then it’s not too late.” If I’m breathing, I get to choose how I think about however much time I have left. I get to choose what I do or don’t do. I get to choose how I’m going to react to my feelings about things. Your brain is designed to learn until you die. You can learn a new skill. There’s a whole world that’s available to you.

You and Chris are now empty nesters. How’s that going?

The thing that I realized is that there was a lot about my husband’s and my life; the rhythm and systems were all about the kids. Like, I’m thinking right now, as we’re talking, it’s almost six o’clock, and I didn’t prepare anything for dinner. Please don’t let this be another night where I walk into the kitchen and make cereal for dinner! We’re not on a dinner schedule yet. Which we need to be because I want to make sure that we create a new routine. But I’m excited because I feel like there’s this opportunity to really focus on myself and to focus on my relationship with my husband, and on my adult friends in a way that I’ve never had that opportunity before. But I don’t feel like I’ve lost something, because my kids haven’t gone anywhere. I’m going to spend less time with them physically, but they’re still in my life.

How do you stay close to them from afar?

If you want a closer relationship, if you want the energy to shift, it’s not going to work if you’re trying to change them. It will work if you look at the situation and say, "What could I change about myself?" I think a lot about the fact that all three of our kids are very, very different, and the parent that I am with each one of them is different because they all like being spoken to and loved in different ways. So being more flexible and really thinking about what makes each one of them open up or feel supported — that’s also helped me, I think, be a little bit different in this chapter of my life.

How do you keep your energy up?

Since I turned 56 and have been fully into menopause with all the hormone changes and my body changing, I have had to accept the fact that the things that used to make me feel healthy and energized when I was younger do not work anymore. So, I follow what the experts say, that it’s critical that you stay active. So I’m a big walker. I have introduced weights, not like going to the gym and lifting barbell stuff, but just small weights, like five-pounders, and it’s making a big difference. And I really prioritize sleep.

You’re planning your first big speaking tour. What can your fans expect?

It’s going to be energizing and fun and laugh-out-loud and super profound, and you’re going to feel so uplifted. And you will feel like you are with all your new best friends, because you’re going to be with a large group of people who all want the same thing you do. You want to feel empowered. You want positivity in your life. You want to feel encouragement and hope, so that’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to bring everything that you love about the podcast to life, and you’re going to leave feeling better, and you’re going to leave with something that you needed that’s really cool.

What do you do for fun?

I have a walking group with a bunch of women on Wednesday mornings that I love. I meet friends for coffee. I love to garden. I play cribbage. I love to cook. I love making my playlists on Spotify, and just having great music in the background really helps lift my mood. I also love surprising people with gifts, arranging flowers, taking a hike in the woods with my dogs. I love listening to fantasy books. I haven’t [listened to] the one that everyone’s talking about now, Onyx Storm. That’s next on my list.

What kind of music do you like to listen to?

Literally everything from Steely Dan to Crosby Stills and Nash to all of the new singer-songwriters like Dua Lipa. It just depends on the mood that I’m in. On a snowy day in Vermont, I’ll put on the George Winston piano compilation that he did of the piano tracks from Snoopy and Charlie Brown.

Is there anything you wish you were better at?

I wish I were better at stopping work at 5:00 or 5:30. This has been a real challenge. Being an empty nester, it’s easy to keep working without the kids being hungry in the kitchen. One thing that helps me be better about boundaries is having a good book I’m reading or listening to, a series on television that I’m watching, or a puzzle. We’re a big puzzle family, and if we have a puzzle out on a table, I will naturally find myself sitting down and puzzling for a little bit. That keeps me from just filling time with work or stupid things.

Which TV shows or books have drawn you in lately?

One series that I loved recently is called Drops of God. I loved how sweeping a story it was; it went from Japan to France to Italy. I loved that it was a family and relationship story and all that I learned about wine. And I thought it was visually beautiful. I just read James [by Percival Everett], which was brilliant. Then there’s A Court of Thorn and Roses [by Sarah J. Maas]. Listen to the dramatic audio. It is literally fairy pornography brought to life with actors. It’s outrageous. Our entire family has listened to it, including my husband and our son. It’s one of those books where you escape to a different world.

Did you say “fairy pornography”?

I did.

OK, one more question: How do you feel about aging?

Here’s how I feel about aging. If you focus on staying active and walking and doing lightweight resistance training, you can have an extraordinarily vibrant, active and amazing life until the day you die. And you know, when I look at my mother-in-law, who’s 86, and she’s got freaking biceps and a six-pack. Seriously, I kid you not; the woman has walked five miles a day every day of her life in the 30 years I’ve known her. She goes to a yoga class, she is so active. When I think about my mom, she is also unbelievably vibrant at 76 years old. She walks every single day of her life. She plays pickleball. And so I do not believe that you have to get weak and frail.

Any other last thoughts?

I believe that the best years of our lives are the later years because all of the bullshit that we were concerned about starts to fade away. We start to recognize, especially because you start to lose people that you care about, that at some point, it’s all going to be over. And I think you can use the reality of your death as a way to truly make you claim responsibility for your life and what you want to do at the time that you have. But I often do just get a little sad because I’m at a point where I’m actually enjoying my life, and so I hope I have a lot more of it to live.

Classic Mel Robbins Quotes

Focus on getting the little things right, and the big things will naturally fall into place.

Stop thinking about it. Stop worrying about it. Start doing something about it.

You can be a kind person with a big heart and still people to F off when needed. It’s called boundaries.

Whatever chapter of your life you’re in, be in it.

The future is not something you wait for. It’s something you create.

Growth is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

The goal isn’t to get rid of all your negative thoughts and feelings. The goal is to change your response to them.

Give someday a deadline.

Stop buying sh*t you don’t need. You don’t need a new sweater. You need a new set of goals.

Reminder: You don’t need anyone’s permission to change your life. Trust yourself, take control and go after what you want. You got this.

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Christina Ianzito covers scams and fraud, and is the books editor for aarp.org and AARP The Magazine. Also a longtime travel writer and editor, she received a 2020 Lowell Thomas Award for travel writing from the Society of American Travel Writers Foundation.