AARP Hearing Center
Robert Samuel Hanson
For all of the unpaid work that family caregivers do for loved ones — valued at a whopping $600 billion in the U.S. — it may seem as if they would have a lot to complain about.
And they do.
But those complaints are rarely voiced and because of that, solutions are not readily shared. To remedy this, AARP reached out to three experts — each of whom has authored books on family caregiving — to learn what they believe are the 10 most common complaints from caregivers, and what can be done about them.
1. Complaint: Dealing with uncertainty. As a family caregiver, you never know what problem is going to transpire with your loved one during the next year, month, week, day, hour, or minute, says Allison Applebaum, a clinical psychologist and author of Stand by Me: A Guide to Navigating Modern, Meaningful Caregiving, whose primary focus is addressing the unmet needs of family caregivers.That uncertainty often results in a shared uncertainty for the caregiver who typically has problems deciding when to take time off — or even when to take a needed vacation.
Resolution: Think strategically. Determine what you have control over — and what you don’t, says Applebaum. “Ask: what can you do today to give yourself a break?” she suggests. By capitalizing on the present moment — instead of trying to control the future — you’ll enjoy much more success as a caregiver, she says.
2. Complaint: Balancing multiple responsibilities. There are so many things in life to delicately balance along with the parent or spouse whom you are caring for. Like your kids. Or your job. And your own private time, too. “This is a very real challenge because there are only 24 hours in a day,” says Applebaum.
Resolution: Delegate whenever possible. Applebaum suggests that all caregivers create two lists for themselves. One list is things only they can do; the other is things that can be delegated — such as food shopping or lawn care. Then, she says, go out and delegate things from the second list. Be very specific about the chores you want handled. The more detailed you are about what you need (like: mow front and back yards weekly) the more likely you are to find someone to do it, she says.
3. Complaint: Paying unexpected expenses. Not only are most family caregivers unpaid, but many feel as if they are always reaching into their own pockets to cover items their loved one’s need. “There are so many expenses that come up, and they come as a surprise,” says Applebaum.
Resolution: Speak to a social worker. If the patient doesn’t have a social worker associated with their medical care team, you can request one, says Applebaum. This social worker should be knowledgable enough about family caregiving to help get them connected to possible financial resources and programs that can help offset the cost of caregiving expenses. If struggling to find a social worker, AARP caregiving experts suggest contacting the local Area Agency on Aging which should have a social worker or case worker familiar with services in their specific county. Some services in AAAs can even help with financial assistance and often have higher income thresholds for qualifying than the state’s Medicaid program.
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