The Right Way to Reach Out After a Layoff

Our etiquette expert weighs in on when and how to get in touch or give space, and what not to say

Lizzie Post,

AARP

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Published March 13, 2026

an older person looks at a smartphone while rolling a box filled with belongings atop an office chair, indicating they have lost a job

When you contact someone who has been laid off, focus on them, not your own shock and sadness.

Jon Krause

In 2025, U.S.-based employers cut some 1.2 million jobs, the highest level since 2020. I’ve been getting questions like the anonymous one below about how best to offer sympathy and support to someone who has recently been laid off.

When someone I know is laid off, what’s the most respectful way to reach out? Should I wait for them to announce it, message them when I hear, connect on social media?

This is such a tough and delicate scenario that it’s important to be sensitive in your approach.

First, think about your relationship with this person and how you learned about the news. If you’ve heard directly from them, you can reply in the manner in which they reached out to you, or you can step it up a notch by replying to an email or text with a phone call, or replying to a social media post with a text, an email or a phone call.

If you’ve learned through the grapevine that a colleague has been laid off, it’s OK to reach out to them via email, text or phone to let them know you heard the news and are so sorry this has happened to them. We’ll explore some more details about what not to focus on below.

People I know who were laid off said it was nice to hear from others, especially now-former colleagues, even though it’s such a difficult thing to process. They all said it was helpful and comforting to know they would be missed and that their work was really appreciated. So take heart that in general reaching out is a good idea.

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However, many suggested that timing made a difference. Hearing from someone the day of the layoff often felt comforting, but having a full-blown conversation about it felt overwhelming. This could be a time when a text, an email or a voice memo conveying your sympathy but offering to connect in a week or two might be more appropriate than offering immediate help or a longer conversation.

There are many things a person who has been laid off will have to navigate right after they hear the news, and sometimes what’s most helpful in the moment is to be able to focus on themself and the immediate tasks they need to deal with: health insurance, updating a résumé, looking for a new job or even starting to work with a job application coach. Their entire world can be thrown into upheaval, and their focus isn’t always on the warm, comforting sympathy others can and want to provide.

One thing that is really important to keep in mind for when you do reach out with your sympathy: Focus the conversation on the person who was laid off and their experience. Those I spoke with said the hardest, or maybe the most obnoxious, thing was when a now-former colleague kept talking about how sad and shocked they were or how hard it would be for them without those who had been laid off. Even if the intention is to sympathize and express how much the person will be missed, people who had been laid off said this was just too much to shoulder, given all they had to deal with. Instead, ask about how the person is doing, how they’re feeling, and if there’s anything you can do to help.

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If you’ve done the initial outreach as a gentle check-in, go ahead and check in again in two to six weeks. With a bit of time and space, the person you’re reaching out to will likely have more updates to share and a bit more bandwidth to discuss the topic more deeply (if they wish to). Continue with the tact of asking how they are doing, and if you can offer them help, do. Remember, it’s always best to offer something specific so they can respond directly to it.

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Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She’s the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.

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