How to Help Your Partner Open Up About Their Feelings

Key takeaways

• Gentle, present-moment questions can reduce pressure during emotional conversations.
• Light physical reassurance may help a partner feel safer sharing feelings.
• Side-by-side activities can create a more comfortable space for connection.

Summary

Sex therapist Tameca Harris-Jackson explains how partners can encourage more open emotional communication in relationships. She suggests avoiding accusatory questions and instead using gentle invitations that acknowledge what a partner may be experiencing in the moment.

The discussion highlights practical ways to foster connection, including light physical reassurance and choosing low-pressure settings such as walking, cooking or driving together. Harris-Jackson also notes that differences in emotional expression may be influenced by socialization, and that difficulty opening up does not necessarily reflect a lack of care or desire for connection.

The key takeaways and summary were created with the assistance of generative AI. An AARP editor reviewed and refined the content for accuracy and clarity.

Full transcript

[0:00:00] Have you ever noticed how hard it can be for some people

[0:00:02] to put their feelings into words?

[0:00:04] Over time, differences between partners in expressing emotions can create

[0:00:09] tension in relationships, especially when one partner experiences silence

[0:00:14] as emotional distance or withholding.

[0:00:16] My recommendation when you are finding that your partner is having a difficult

[0:00:20] time expressing their emotions to you is first, avoid accusatory questions

[0:00:25] like, “Why don’t you talk to me?”

[0:00:27] Instead, ask gentler present moment questions like, “Where are you right now?

[0:00:33] I sense something’s on your mind.

[0:00:36] I’m here if you wanna share.” This kind of invitation says to them, “I see

[0:00:40] you’re processing something, and I’m open to listening.” Sometimes people

[0:00:45] don’t even realize they’ve withdrawn.

[0:00:47] Another helpful approach is to use a grounding technique through gentle

[0:00:51] physical reassurance, like a light touch on the arm, on the shoulder,

[0:00:56] or even on the back of the head.

[0:00:58] This is especially helpful when you notice your partner starting

[0:01:01] to shut down or retreat inward.

[0:01:04] That simple connection can help someone feel safe.

[0:01:08] Sometimes that’s enough to create space for your partner to share.

[0:01:12] Also, look for low-pressure moments.

[0:01:15] Take a walk together.

[0:01:16] Cook a meal.

[0:01:18] Drive somewhere.

[0:01:19] Many people find it easier to express their feelings when there’s other things

[0:01:23] going on besides just talking, and being side by side rather than face-to-face

[0:01:29] can make conversation more comfortable and feel less like a cross-examination.

[0:01:34] There can be gender differences in how we share.

[0:01:37] So sometimes as women, we may have been socialized that it’s really important

[0:01:42] to talk about our emotions in depth, to talk about how we feel, sit face–to-

[0:01:47]face and eye to eye and really pour out.

[0:01:51] And sometimes for men, that wasn’t always the same experience.

[0:01:55] Your partner’s difficulty opening up doesn’t mean they don’t

[0:01:59] care or don’t want connection.

[0:02:01] It may simply mean they need a roadmap for turning their inner experience into words.

[0:02:07] For more content like this, visit aarp.org/InTheMood