What Do You Do When You Start Feeling Like You’re Parenting Your Partner?

Key takeaways

• Express feelings of overwhelm openly to invite honest and blame-free dialogue.
• Approach conversations with authentic curiosity to understand each other’s perspectives.
• Commit to patience and consistent effort to rebuild balanced, supportive partnerships.

Summary

Feeling like you’re parenting your partner can create tension in a relationship, but addressing this imbalance is key to restoring partnership and mutual respect. Licensed marriage and family therapist Tameca Harris‑Jackson advises that the first step is open communication — expressing feelings of overwhelm and burnout without blame invites honest dialogue. By approaching the conversation with authentic curiosity, partners can better understand each other’s perspectives and uncover why support may be lacking.

This kind of constructive discussion helps break down assumptions and realigns expectations, allowing couples to move away from parent-child dynamics toward a more balanced connection. With patience and consistent effort, couples can rebuild their relationship foundation and share responsibilities in a way that feels equitable and supportive for both.

The key takeaways and summary were created with the assistance of generative AI. An AARP editor reviewed and refined the content for accuracy and clarity.

Full Transcript:

[00:00:00] What do you do when you start feeling like you’re parenting your partner? That is a great question. And the first thing that I would say is that I’d

[00:00:09] actually have a question for you, and that first question would be: Have you had

[00:00:14] an opportunity to talk to your partner? Oftentimes, I find in relationship, partners want to be helpful.

[00:00:23] They just don’t know what to do. Um, and they’re doing what they think is OK or what they think might be needed,

[00:00:31] but they’re not a hundred percent sure. Here’s the other thing that I hear often after that is, “Well, I shouldn’t have

[00:00:37] to tell them what to do. They should just know.” I understand people want their

[00:00:42] partner to just know, but we’re different. Each one of us, we’re different. What I would recommend is going to your partner and saying,

[00:00:52] “Hey, hon, we need to talk. I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed. I’m burnt out. I feel that I’ve been carrying so much with family, and I’ve noticed

[00:01:02] that you haven’t really attempted to help out, or at least I haven’t experienced that, and I’m curious.

[00:01:09] I’m wondering why that might be.” Now, what this does is two things. One, it allows you to name exactly how you’re feeling.

[00:01:17] It also allows you to lean in with authentic curiosity with your partner to figure out what may be happening, and it invites them

[00:01:24] in without accusation or blame. That can start you both in a process of having conversation and realizing,

[00:01:33] which is what I often see, that you may be missing the mark of what the other believes the other is doing or not doing.

[00:01:40] Uh, that ... I think that’s always a great place to start from with conversation. Changing the dynamics of your relationship doesn’t happen overnight.

[00:01:50] With patience and a foundation of mutual respect, you can upend the parent-child role and find your way back to partnership.

[00:01:58] For more content like this, visit aarp.org/InTheMood