How I’m Learning to Live Alone After Losing My Husband

• Build daily routines like Joy Frank-Collins to foster emotional stability and renewed independence after loss.
• Strengthen your community ties by seeking support groups and engaging in social activities, as Joy did.
• Prioritize practical steps—manage finances, review insurance, and home safety—to regain confidence and control.

Summary

Learning to live alone after losing a spouse can feel overwhelming, but it’s a journey marked by finding strength in the face of grief. For Joy Frank-Collins, navigating life after her husband’s passing meant not only adjusting emotionally but also taking practical steps to regain her footing—from managing finances and securing her home to seeking community and connection. While the sense of loneliness can be persistent, Joy’s story highlights the importance of creating routines, staying social and prioritizing safety to build a new sense of independence. For anyone facing life after loss, these steps can help reclaim stability and purpose. Finding support, leaning on established systems like life insurance, and rediscovering meaningful activities are key to moving forward. As Joy demonstrates, living alone after loss is not just about surviving, but about learning to thrive despite adversity.

The key takeaways and summary were created with the assistance of generative AI. An AARP editor reviewed and refined the content for accuracy and clarity.

Full Transcript:

[0:00:00] Ethan and I had a plan.

[0:00:02] We were going to spend

[0:00:02] this next phase of our lives

[0:00:08] focusing on our careers,

[0:00:10] focusing on our marriage

[0:00:10] as a couple again.

[0:00:15] I didn't think I would be

[0:00:15] launching my second act on my own.

[0:00:29] Ethan was my best friend.

[0:00:31] I know it sounds so cliché,

[0:00:31] like I married my best friend,

[0:00:35] but he truly was.

[0:00:38] In September of 2020,

[0:00:38] I started a new job.

[0:00:42] Our children were spreading

[0:00:42] their wings

[0:00:44] and going off to college.

[0:00:46] We were starting this second act

[0:00:49] and then everything changed.

[0:00:52] On November 18th, 2022,

[0:00:55] Ethan was diagnosed with

[0:00:55] acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

[0:01:10] I felt like every day

[0:01:10] I woke up and I thought,

[0:01:13] ‘’Oh my God, this is my life.’’

[0:01:15] I can't be a widow.

[0:01:16] I don't -- I don't know

[0:01:16] what that means.

[0:01:20] I don't know--

[0:01:21] I don't know what--

[0:01:23] what that life is like.

[0:01:26] Aside from grieving my husband,

[0:01:29] I also had a lot of fear

[0:01:32] about how I was going

[0:01:32] to pay our bills.

[0:01:36] Ethan was the primary breadwinner

[0:01:36] in our family,

[0:01:39] and I knew that my salary alone

[0:01:39] won't pay all the bills.

[0:01:43] My husband did have life insurance,

[0:01:45] and so there was something there

[0:01:48] to accommodate

[0:01:48] for that loss of income.

[0:01:52] I'm working really hard

[0:01:52] to live well,

[0:01:55] but to live within my means.

[0:01:59] The realization of being alone

[0:01:59] kind of makes you think

[0:02:05] about these things that you

[0:02:05] might not have focused on before.

[0:02:10] I'm just here by myself

[0:02:10] and sometimes

[0:02:13] that can get kind of scary.

[0:02:17] I have a security system

[0:02:17] for my house.

[0:02:19] I use it all the time

[0:02:19] because it does give me

[0:02:22] a sense of safety and security.

[0:02:24] I always keep my phone charged,

[0:02:26] always keep it on me so that

[0:02:26] if I need, if I fall down the stairs,

[0:02:29] you know, I can get help.

[0:02:31] I don't want this burden

[0:02:31] to fall on my children,

[0:02:34] but sometimes it has to.

[0:02:39] Our first Christmas tree.

[0:02:41] Being a widow is--

[0:02:44] it's lonely.

[0:02:49] That's the Ethan I knew.

[0:02:52] That picture is--

[0:02:53] It looks so much like him.

[0:02:58] Like his personality.

[0:03:01] So I'm working towards

[0:03:01] trying to be more social.

[0:03:07] And so I have worked really hard

[0:03:07] to do some of the things

[0:03:11] that Ethan and I

[0:03:11] used to do socially.

[0:03:14] Hey, Blake.

[0:03:17] And one of those things

[0:03:17] is visiting our favorite bar here

[0:03:22] and just hang out,

[0:03:23] enjoy some craft beer,

[0:03:25] chat with our neighbors

[0:03:25] and folks in the community.

[0:03:29] And, you know,

[0:03:29] just be out of the house.

[0:03:40] My situation has shown me

[0:03:46] that I can do hard things.

[0:03:49] I'm proud that I got the taxes

[0:03:49] gathered and paid on time this year.

[0:03:55] I still have my house and my car.

[0:03:56] I'm proud that my kids

[0:03:56] are thriving as best they can.

[0:04:01] The last thing that I want

[0:04:01] to do is be a burden on anyone,

[0:04:04] but especially my children.

[0:04:05] I also need to show them

[0:04:05] that there are going to be

[0:04:10] really terrible things

[0:04:10] that happen to you in your life,

[0:04:14] but you can get through them.