6 Things You Should Know About Compulsive Spenders

The World Psychiatry review also indicates that the problem can be found across the globe and affects nearly 6 percent of Americans. It’s especially prevalent during the holidays, which many people find emotionally difficult and when there’s a tremendous push to buy online and in stores.

While most of the research has been centered on women, men are at risk, too. Often referred to as “collectors,” they can get hooked on auctions for tools, gadgets, tech equipment and cameras. Women tend to go for clothes, jewelry, makeup, and home and craft goods.

4. Look for these telltale signs​

Is your spouse a serious shopaholic? The following may indicate a major issue that requires attention.

• Whenever your partner feels down, they browse e-commerce sites for hours, even in the middle of the night.
• They go to the grocery store “for a few things” but come home with bags of stuff you don’t need.
• There’s a closet full of unworn clothes with the tags still on them. Or, you find that your partner has lied to you and hidden stashes of clothes or cameras.
• The bills come due, and they can’t pay the minimums on their maxed-out credit cards.

Zigo had a client who found out that his wife was addicted to buying supplies for arts and crafts projects. “She racked up about 40K in credit card debt. They underwent debt consolidation, cut up the credit cards and spent only their cash allowances,” she says.

5. Your responsibility—and where it ends

As a spouse, are you on the hook for those bills? The answer depends on whether you live in a community property or equitable distribution state.

In the District of Columbia and the 41 states that adhere to common law property rules, debts are owed by both spouses — but only if the money was spent for joint purchases, or for food, clothing, shelter or other necessities that benefited the marriage. Still, you and your spouse may be liable if both of you signed a contract requiring you to make the payments. In these states, your spouse’s creditors could go after your income, property or joint property, if the debt was incurred for joint purchases or necessities.

What’s more, in some common law states, a creditor could also go after your joint property to pay the debts incurred separately by your spouse, even if the funds were not spent for necessities. In most states, however, the creditor could take just half of the money in your joint account.

Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin are community property states. Debts undertaken while you’re married — no matter who incurs them — are considered community property. If you’re concerned, consult a lawyer about the specific laws in your state.

6. Remedies to explore

Where can you find help? Debtors Anonymous, a 12-step program, offers in-person meetings around the country, though you’ll want to inquire how COVID-19 is affecting them. In addition, people share their experiences via social media. Private Facebook groups include Shopping Addiction Recovery & Support, Shopping Addiction Support, and Shopaholics Anonymous.

With your partner’s consent, invite an objective third party to hear both sides and get to the root of the problem, perhaps a marital therapist, a financial planner or a financial therapist. A financial planner or adviser can help you set realistic financial goals. A financial therapist will combine these skills with therapeutic expertise. The Financial Planning Association and the Financial Therapy Association offer tools for finding qualified practitioners in your area.

When Ron Tallou, a financial advisor at Tallou Financial Services in Troy, Michigan, sees compulsive spending among his clients, he suggests these steps: Make a list before shopping and stick to it; get rid of credit cards and their high spending limits; delete online shopping and social media accounts that trigger spending; and get rid of enablers.

What’s an enabler? A friend who encourages your partner to spend at an expensive restaurant, store or online. “When certain people or things cause problems, they need to be eliminated. It’s in your best interest,” he says.

Patricia Amend has been a lifestyle writer and editor for 30 years. She was a staff writer at Inc. magazine; a reporter at the Fidelity Publishing Group; and a senior editor at Published Image, a financial education company that was acquired by Standard & Poor’s.