Navy Prepared Me for Biggest Challenge: When Crisis Hit My Mother

During my long career as a naval aviator — I logged more than 2,500 hours flying the SH-60B and MH-60R Seahawk helicopters — I was involved in planning from the tactical to strategic level of command. 

Whether it was as a pilot on a cross-country navigation training flight or working as a NATO staff officer, each tour of duty involved planning. Since retiring, I’ve taught Navy planning to international maritime officers at the U.S. Naval War College.

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During a crisis, things happen very quickly. But just because we are in a crisis doesn’t mean we cut corners to save time. I never thought I would find myself agonizing over the planning process in my personal life. When it touches you personally, the stakes can be very high.

In April 2022, I received an afternoon call at work in Rhode Island from one of Mom’s friends, who told me that my mother had woken up in the middle of the day and found herself lying on the living room floor of her apartment in Maryland with no recollection of how she got there. 

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Mom had no food in the house and had not eaten in a few days. I was shocked. She was 76 and a career psychiatric nurse who had retired from teaching part-time two months earlier. I was 400 miles away and felt completely helpless. I found myself confronted with a huge crisis. 

Everything I had learned in the Navy kicked in. I developed a prioritized list of steps and actions to take. First, I needed her to be safe and free from harm. I started with the basics, getting her food and water in the immediate and short term. Once assured she was well-fed and hydrated, I started to analyze what was going on with her physically and mentally. 

Though she had enough food for that first week, I needed to put a plan in place to ensure she could get groceries. I also had to consider her monthly bills such as rent, car insurance, health insurance and utilities. Sadly, Mom had gone to great lengths to avoid revealing the truth about her situation. 

I learned that since retiring from work, she had isolated herself, retreating from the world and dropping into a deep depression. She had gradually stopped taking care of herself and no longer felt safe leaving her apartment. She had stopped paying bills and even forgotten how to access her bank account. She was in terrible distress but hid her problems over the phone very well. I persisted with regular communication and was eventually able to piece together the true nature of her struggles.