Skip to content

Sex & Intimacy


Best Sex Advice!

Pepper fields your questions on dating and romance

My female partner wants sex more often than I do

Fabrice Lerouge/Getty Images

You snooze, you lose! Here's how to match your partner's sexual appetite.

Q: My (female) partner wants sex more often than I do. Most guys would say I have it made — but that's actually not the case. What to do?

A: Statistics say that more men want more sex in their relationship than women do. But the majority is not everyone! There are plenty of relationships where the woman's sex drive is stronger, and the man wants sex less often than his partner does.

Men who are hungry for more sex know it's no fun to beg for more, but they are guilty of overlooking the other side of the equation — namely, the awkwardness and stress of constantly being the person with the "headache." Yet that's precisely the position in which you now find yourself: If you have to say no on a regular basis, you may start to feel guilty about disappointing your partner. You might even conclude that your bedmate is insensitive about your feelings.

To stop this pattern, state your true feelings: What sort of sexual frequency are you comfortable with? You can also talk frankly about what circumstances turn you on, and which times are usually not good for you. If you're simply too busy or tired during the week, for example, let your partner know that — then concentrate on the weekends to catch up and compensate. If there's a huge disparity in your desired sexual frequency, of course — she wants daily sex and you'd be content with once a month — it's going to take more than one conversation to forge a compromise.

Q: I've been dating a kind, funny man for 18 months. His grown daughter appears to be the person in his life he values the most, but he has never introduced us. Should I force the issue?

A: Yes — absolutely.

You have been dating this guy for a year and a half now — can you think of a single logical reason why you haven't met a person so important to him?

To be fair, I can: Out of misplaced loyalty to her mother, perhaps, the daughter may resist seeing another woman enter her father's life. And it's perfectly understandable if he's not sure how to handle this situation—but he needs to let you know that.

If his refusal to let you meet her continues with no adequate explanation, however, there may be something fishy about his relationship with you — in which case, of course, you need to find out what's going on.

It's easy to imagine why a widower or divorcé might not want a very young child to meet someone he's been dating: He might not want the child to conclude the relationship is permanent, or he might simply wish to avoid making his daughter feel territorial about her dad. But his daughter is grown, so none of these hesitations should exist.

Have you asked this "kind, funny man" to explain why you haven't met his daughter? I feel that he owes you that much, at the very least. If he won't commit to correcting the situation, you may need to reevaluate your commitment.

Q: It is so difficult for me to have an orgasm. Frustrated! What can I do?

A: Mechanically speaking, a woman's orgasm is built on two key "ingredients": 1) adequate stimulation of the clitoral area, and 2) enough core and body tension to drive blood to the nerve endings in the genitals, increasing their sensitivity.

For better (and sufficient) clitoral stimulation, there is nothing like a vibrator; I encourage you to get one if you want to speed up orgasms, as well as have them more frequently. If you're not currently using one, visit one of the fancier sex stores in town and ask an expert there about the models on display. (If that's too daunting, shop online.)

If you're already conversant with these devices, start working on Ingredient 2, namely your core strength and muscle tension. If it's not all it could be, visit a gym and ask the instructor how to increase your core and leg strength — without necessarily revealing your ulterior motive, of course! I think you'll be amazed to discover the close links between fitness and sexual responsiveness.

Join the Discussion

0 | Add Yours

Please leave your comment below.

You must be logged in to leave a comment.