Getting Married Again: What We’re Doing Differently

Dog ring bearers, informal seating and not worrying about what other people think

Melanie Haiken,

AARP

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Published February 13, 2026

an illustration shows two dogs bearing rings for a wedding

Honoring the role their dogs played in bringing them together, writer Melanie Haiken and her fiancé appointed them the ring bearers at their upcoming wedding, the second marriage for both.

Ryan Johnson

“We want this to be about us and our people.” That’s been our mantra for the past nine months as my fiancé, Dan, and I plan our June wedding. Over and over we’ve reminded ourselves of what we care about: being surrounded by our family and friends, the special people who have supported and celebrated our finding our way to each other in this last chapter of our lives. In fact, driving home from the rainy riverbank where Dan proposed, down on his knee in the dusk with the dogs looking on, the very first thing we said to each other was, “Let’s not rush, let’s enjoy being engaged.” The second thing we agreed on: “Let’s not worry about what other people think. Let’s make it the day we want.”

The past is part of the mix; we’ve both been married and divorced before, with all the complicated memories that experience entails. But just as we’ve consciously done things differently in our relationship this time around, we want our wedding day to be different as well.

And let’s be honest — “’til death do us part” has a different ring to it as you head into your 60s. We’re deeply aware that we’re committing to a life together that will carry us through all the years we have left, years we plan to make rich with good times and happy memories.

One thing we’ve been certain of from the get-go: Our dogs, Shyla and Cassidy, will play a central role in the service, deputized to bring us the rings tied to their collars when the moment arrives. That’s proven to be far more of a determining factor than we expected, significantly limiting the venues available, but we’ve stuck to our priorities. After all, the dogs helped bring us together, leaping playfully around us during longer and longer chats on our local dog-walking trail. And one of Dan’s first significant gifts to me was a pair of personalized coffee mugs with the slogan “You, me, and the dogs,” accompanied by detailed drawings of the four of us.

Apparently we’re not alone in staying true to our quirks. “Older couples are incredibly refreshing to work with because they know who they are,” says wedding planner Kelly Jeanmaire, owner of The Main Event in Clifton Park, New York. “They’ve lived life, raised families, built careers, and they’re very clear on what they want, and equally clear on what they don’t want. There is far less pressure to follow tradition for tradition’s sake and much more focus on meaning.”

This time around, we’re sifting through what’s most important in our lives and incorporating it in every way we can. My daughters, ages 33 and 30, will walk me down the aisle and stand with us throughout, and they’ve given us suggestions at every stage. (The dog ring bearers was one such idea.)

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a photo shows Melanie Haiken and her fiancé walking their dogs on Stinson Beach in northern California.

Haiken and her fiancé, Dan, walk their dogs on Stinson Beach in Northern California.

Courtesy Melanie Haiken

We’ll have plenty of music, from instrumental interludes to a rollicking roots-rock dance band, all put together by friends. Dan is even going to jump onstage for a short set with his band — and has threatened to call me and my girls up to join him for a song.

Another change for both of us this time around is that we’re keeping the wedding small, winnowing the guest list down to the friends and family we see regularly, those who have cheered this relationship on as it’s grown and deepened. We do worry about hurt feelings and disappointment, but what’s more important to us is being surrounded by familiar, beloved faces.

“As an older couple, you’re more intentional about who you invite. You have your established friendships, and you know who is actively present in your lives,” says Kastina Morrison, a wedding planner and venue manager and owner of Kastina & Co. in Minneapolis. “Guest lists are bigger when people are younger and they’ve only lived three or four short chapters of their lives, and they feel like they have to include everyone. And if their parents are sponsoring it, then they may add 20 of their friends to the guest list, too.”

Keeping our numbers low will allow us more time to talk to and enjoy the company of those gathering to support us. We’re even swapping the traditional rehearsal dinner for a backyard pizza party so there’s more of a chance to hang out.

Talking to wedding venues and planners, we’ve been amazed to hear about the scale and complexity of many weddings today. “I’ve had weddings where we basically build set pieces,” Morrison says. “I’ve had my carpenter build specially designed bars and DJ booths crafted to the color scheme and theme. I’ve designed a circular stage. We create installations dripping with flowers to hang over the dance floor. It’s like creating a theater-level production in one day.” In one recent wedding, she says, the bride asked to enter through swirling fog.

Frankly, that sounds exhausting to us. It also feels unnecessary and even intrusive — too much showy self-consciousness would detract from the comfortable, relaxed vibe we’re going for. Instead, our decor will be beds of lavender and sage; our food a self-serve taco bar with informal seating so people can mix it up.

“Younger couples are much more interested in how their event is going to look, while second-time couples are much more interested in how their event is going to feel,” says Morrison. “Whereas younger couples prioritize decor, photography and video and put money towards that, older couples are going to prioritize guest experience and put thought into logistics like seating, parking and general comfort.”

Looking back at my first wedding, I recall very little. What I do remember is the work: getting up at 5 a.m. the day before to go to the wholesale flower market, making and tying bouquets with my sisters, then spending the afternoon up to my elbows in vats of pasta and potato salad. What I also remember: driving away that night with a feeling of sadness that I hadn’t really been present, so busy with logistics and serving I was barely able to talk to most of the guests.

Of course, people do DIY weddings for a reason, and budget concerns have certainly kept us up at night. “Wedding, or Egyptian pyramids?” is a question we ask ourselves regularly to keep things in perspective. After all, this isn’t our parents’ money we’re spending, it’s ours, and at this age we have an acute awareness of all the other potential needs we may have for it: from fun things like travel to serious concerns like house repairs, health care costs and eventually retirement.

But when faced with a local community hall’s strict cleaning policy, which would have had our friends and family folding chairs and scrubbing counters, we said a resounding “no.” “We don’t want anyone working, we want them enjoying the weekend with us,” said Dan, to my infinite relief. Instead, we chose a small, family-run ranch where set-up, serving and clean-up are provided.

With many details still to be decided, one thing is certain: Enjoyment is at the top of the priority list. If we have our way, we’ll be sharing our joy with our loved ones from the first moment to the last.

AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.

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San Francisco-based journalist Melanie Haiken writes about travel, science, health and the environment for dozens of publications including National Geographic, BBC, Condé Nast Traveler, CNN, Sierra and AARP. She shares her adventures and travel tips at Health-Conscious.Travel.com.

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