I Hate Choosing a Tip in Front of a Waiter. Help!

No topic gets Money Manners readers more incensed than tipping. And rightfully so: Americans are being asked to tip by more businesses than ever. Tipping your server at a restaurant is nothing new. But a growing number of dining establishments are putting customers in an awkward position: asking them to select a tip on a tablet in front of their waiter or waitress.

But don’t fear — our etiquette expert has come to the rescue. Here’s her advice for one reader, offering guidance we can all take away. 

One thing has been happening to me more and more when dining at restaurants, and it’s irking me. At the end of the meal, the server hands me a tablet, and I’m expected to pay the bill with him standing right there. I feel so much pressure to leave a big tip! I typically tip 20 percent, depending on the quality of the service, but sometimes the default option is 25 percent or even higher. What should I do the next time I’m in this situation?

You are far from alone, I can assure you. Lots of people feel the pressure of the tip screen. Thirty years ago it was the tip jar, and 100 years ago it was just as you describe, with the waiter standing by while you paid the bill and left your tip, minus the tablet. We can’t help it — we’re accustomed to some level of discretion around a money etiquette moment, and we feel exposed. Our sweat starts dripping. 

Money Manners

Lizzie Post is AARP's financial etiquette columnist. She is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She’s also the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.

Have a question? Email us at moneymanners@aarp.org. 

It happens to me, too, from time to time. Yesterday I found myself at a coffee shop waiting just a moment to see if the barista making my coffee would turn around to see me put a dollar into the tip jar. Then I realized what I was waiting for, rolled my eyes at myself and put the dollar in before he turned around.

It’s normal to feel a little anxious when you’re leaving a tip, whether an employee is hovering over you or not. But remember: The point of a tip is to express your gratitude for the service that you received. Seeing options for a 25 or 30 percent tip on a tablet can make you question if your standard 20 percent is somehow behind the times, but the technology is designed to do that — to encourage you to tip more.