When and How to Make a Graceful Exit From Any Event

Parting is such sweet sorrow. In etiquette discussions, we often focus on proper greetings, but parting well is just as important, if not more so, as it’s your final chance to make or leave a good impression before you go. The anonymous question below is a reminder that an elegant exit is a great skill to cultivate at any age.

I’ve attended a few events recently where either I or someone else has had to leave early. What’s the best way to do this for both a big event and a more intimate gathering?

For larger events, how you execute your goodbyes really depends on the type of gathering, and your role in it. If you aren’t an honoree, honored guest or important figure at a big corporate or organizational event, you just need to say proper goodbyes to those you’ve been heavily engaged with.

For example, at a charity dinner or gala, you’d say goodbye to those at your table and then try to find anyone you’ve socialized with or who is close to you to say your goodbyes. You don’t have to track people down, but if you see someone you’ve spent time with during the event on your way out, take a moment to say goodbye, or give a wave if they’re across the room.

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If you haven’t really been interacting with any others and it’s a big event where you don’t know the hosts — a reception for the speaker, for example — then you can just slip out when you’re ready to leave. You might hear this disappearing act described as the Irish goodbye, which negatively stereotypes Irish people, so I prefer “Houdini-ing”. 

If you know the hosts or organizers well, it’s important to seek them out, wait for an opportune moment to get their attention, and say your goodbyes. Honorees or honored guests will want to stay through the main event (unless it’s already been arranged with the hosts and organizers that they’ll depart at a specific time). It would be rude to exit without connecting with those folks.

For more intimate events, such as family reunions, weddings, anniversaries or retirement parties, it’s imperative to seek out and say goodbye to the hosts and honorees before you exit.

This is also true for smaller gatherings. At something like a dinner party, obviously you’re going to be saying goodbye to your host, and likely all the other guests as well. A group goodbye to the other guests is fine: “It’s been lovely to see you all, I hope you have a good rest of the evening.” But make a point to say thank you and goodbye directly to the host: “Thank you so much for inviting me. Congratulations on such a great event!” For something like an open-house party (where the invitation specifies the start and end time), say goodbye to the people you’ve spent the most time with, then seek out the host: “Allison, thank you so much for a wonderful time.”

While Houdini-ing out of an event may be tempting, making the effort to say a proper goodbye is truly the polite thing to do.