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5 Ways to Spice Up Sex in Your 60s

When you’ve been together a while, things can get a little ... routine

4-minute read

Ellen Uzelac,

AARP

Published October 22, 2026

A woman shaped like the number 5 wraps her partner in a passionate embrace in front of a moon-lit window

Jon Krause

It wasn’t until I was in my 60s, the same age as our questioner, that I started having sex just the way I wanted. Better late than never, right? Talk about freeing.

Our query this week is from a woman who wants to fire up her sex life. Our experts deliver the goods on how 60-somethings can fan that flame to create the kaboom! they’re looking for.

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I am a regular reader of your columns and thank you for all the advice. But I’m a bit overwhelmed. Could you please give my husband and me a list of the top five things an otherwise perfectly happy 60-plus couple should do to get their sex life back on track?

This question reflects a common experience, say our experts: For a lot of 60-plus couples in long-term relationships, sex often becomes same-old and stale. Here’s what you can do:

1. Revisit the sexual experiences that lit you up. Most longtime partners can describe a time that stands out in their sexual experiences with one another. Ask yourself: “What’s mine?”

Was it decades ago, when you first started dating or went on vacation without your kids? Or when you shared a quickie when you both took off from work?

Certified sex therapist Sari Cooper suggests that you both write down the “peak erotic experiences” in your relationship. And spare no detail, she says, including:

What time of day was it?
How were you feeling in your mind, body and heart?
What actions were most compelling or satisfying?
Were you more turned on at the beginning, middle or end?
How did you end your sex session: joking around or talking about what you liked the most?

Next, share your lists and identify what your sexual encounters have in common with each other. Lastly, Cooper says, talk about how you might want to incorporate those turn-ons into your sex life now.

2. Give yourself the gift of time. Katharine White, chair of the department of OB-GYN at Boston Medical Center, says she often hears from older patients that they are so busy they don’t have time for sex.

White gets it, having been in that situation herself: “My husband and I realized we were a great CEO and president of the small business of our family. Sometimes we just forgot to be a married couple.”

She recommends scheduling time for sex and giving intimacy plenty of time to unfold, especially when it comes to foreplay.

That doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in quickies, but for women, she reminds us, it can take 20 to 30 minutes of serious foreplay to make the body ready for intercourse.

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3. Get a room! Oftentimes, Cooper says, couples report they have better sex when they’re away from home and removed from unfinished tasks and daily responsibilities.

When you go to a hotel or a cabin out of town, says Cooper, you’ve given yourself and your partner permission to relax and take in pleasure. I can attest to this. In my 60s, my ex-partner and I had many hot meetups in motels when we couldn’t work out any other way to see each other.

“There’s something about sleeping in a bed that you are not responsible for cleaning that unlocks a libidinal part of oneself,” Cooper adds. “It becomes an actual adventure where both people are new to a place and ready to explore the space and one another.”

4. Have the sex you want to have. It’s quite common for spouses to make it to their 60s having never talked to each other about their desires and fantasies. That’s too bad, says certified sex therapist Rosara Torrisi, because it could really juice up their sex life.

“Many couples have sex the same way for decades,” she says. “We never really learn how to have sex. We all have to invent it for ourselves.”

Torrisi says to become self-aware: Pay attention, listen to your body and tell your partner, “Yes, I want that” or “No, I don’t want it like that.”

“It’s freeing, and it encourages you to be having the type of sex you actually want to be having,” Torrisi says.

5. Bring out the toys. This is Cooper’s number one tip for couples who want to heat up their sex life.

Toys, she says, can shake up your sexual routine and bring more sensation and fun into the bedroom (or wherever).

There are many sex toys that can be worn and experienced by two partners at the same time. They are sold at all price points. There are some that connect via an app, where one partner can control the device from their phone.

Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.

“Given that sensations can diminish with menopause for women, and men can have ejaculatory or erectile challenges, introducing new toys into a couple’s sex life can indeed spice things up,” says Cooper.

Ellen Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun. She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.

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