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Is Your Heart Ever Too Old for Sex?
A reader wonders what the age cutoff is for amping up your heart rate in the bedroom
3-minute read
Kiersten Essenpreis
There’s a myth that your sex drive goes away when you’re an older adult. Trust me, it doesn’t.
Oh, there are issues, for sure — like our questioner’s concern over whether his heart can handle all that loving.
Our experts weigh in, starting with why your health matters more than the number of candles on your birthday cake.
Is there an age when sex becomes dangerous? I’m male, in my 80s, and wondering if it’s too much for my (very healthy but old) heart. — Submitted by J.H.
Whoop, whoop! I have good news for you. When you have a healthy heart, there’s no age cutoff for “sexual safety,” says Vanderbilt Health geriatric cardiologist Temitope Akinjogbin.
In fact, Akinjogbin says she advises all her older patients to engage in regular moderate-intensity exercise as tolerated — and yep, that includes sex.
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Here’s what our experts recommend.
First off, if you haven’t yet, see a doctor. If you have concerns about sex and your heart health, Akinjogbin encourages you to mention them to your primary care doctor or cardiologist, especially if you haven’t had a recent cardiovascular checkup.
She says your doctor will evaluate your blood pressure, medications, heart rhythm, valve function and overall cardiovascular health and alert you to any issues. Additionally, your physician will evaluate your medical, social and family history.
If you are embarrassed… If talking to your physician about sex is the last thing you want to do, certified sex therapist Rosara Torrisi, who heads the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy, recommends that you “ask around it.”
She says to start with asking your doctor if it’s OK to do something that gets your heart rate up, like walking fast, going up and down stairs or lifting heavy items. “Then translate that into the type of sex you have.”
Always be aware of your fitness level. If you can briskly walk a block or do general housework and/or can exercise regularly without symptoms like chest pain, shortness of breath or a racing heart, Akinjogbin says you should be able to have sex.
“Remember that functional capacity is what matters, not age — and that should always be the focus,” she adds. “Regular physical activity is recommended, as this helps with cardiovascular conditioning.”
Why sex is an important part of life as an older adult. Torrisi says a sexual relationship gives you intimacy and helps you identify changes to your body and overall health.
“It also helps you have pleasure when a lot of other pleasures in life might feel cut off,” she says, explaining that as people age, they often face changes such as declining sight or hearing that can affect their quality of life.
“It can give you purpose and meaning, especially if you are with another person or people. In many ways, it keeps us healthy,” says Torrisi, adding that partnered sex often results in better heart health, improved sleep and higher neurocognitive functioning.
As certified sex therapist Nan Wise parses it: “The body changes. Desire, pleasure and connection don’t have to.”
If you do have to lay off the energetic sex. If you have heart issues, says Akinjogbin, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what you should and shouldn’t be doing when it comes to sex.
“It depends on the patient and the type/status of the heart condition. Therecommendation would be to discuss with their cardiologist.”
Evelin Dacker, a primary care physician specializing in sexual health, says that if a doctor gives a person “certain limitations, such as nothing more than slow walking,” then they should practice “slow sex.”
Slow sex focuses more on touch and connected intimacy than on working hard to achieve an orgasm. And if your partner is more physically fit and heart-healthy, Dacker adds, they can do more of the work.
Parting thought. Adjusting your sex script could make sex even more enjoyable, Wise says.
“Sex at 80 isn’t a diminished version of sex at 30. It’s a different instrument, and often a more interesting one to play,” she notes. “Older couples, freed from that narrow script by necessity, sometimes report the most satisfying sex of their lives.”
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