How to Date When You Hate Your 50+ Body

As you age, you may not always love how you look. Here’s how to get past that

Ellen Uzelac,

AARP

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Published January 08, 2026

This week’s question, about body image, may resonate with many of you; it did with me.

Our reader, who asked not to be identified, is so embarrassed about her varicose veins that it’s keeping her from dating. Of course, as many of us know, any body part can cause self-esteem problems. (Belly, do you hear me?) Our experts weigh in.

How do you go out into the dating world again when you hate something about your body? In my case, I have terrible varicose veins and don’t want anyone to see me naked. When, and how, do you bring something like this up?

Here’s some expert advice that should make you feel better. While your varicose veins may be an issue for you, certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis says it’s unlikely that anyone you date is going to care at all about the way they look.

“Mostly, other people don’t care about the things we are hung up on. I’ve worked with a lot of men in my practice and never once heard a complaint about a woman’s veins,” says Francis. “I would guess almost everyone you date doesn’t care, or certainly wouldn’t care enough for it to be any kind of barrier to see you romantically, sexually or socially.”

Stop the negative self-talk. Certified sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco says hating your body is learned behavior — so unlearn it.

Before you start dating, she suggests you look at yourself naked in front of a mirror. “Acknowledge your veins,” she says, then “tell yourself: ‘My body is strong and deserves pleasure.’”

Pasciucco says this is an exercise that can be freeing and healing. “Self-affirming mirror work is a very powerful tool,” she adds. “I’ve seen this work.”

Relationship coach Stella Harris says it’s crucial that you “interrupt the negative talk.”

“Maybe you don’t love your varicose veins, but just saying ‘It is what it is’ can be helpful,” she says. “Shift from how it looks to what those veins and legs can do for you: ‘They let me go on walks I enjoy or go swimming. I can do these things that feel good.’”

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Put dating on hold for a while if you are really struggling. Pasciucco suggests you give dating a pause until you are past the self-hatred and are feeling more comfortable in your skin.

Until then, to reconnect with people, she recommends becoming more socially active by joining a book club or cooking class — something that has nothing to do with physicality or an undertone of sex.

Meanwhile, she advises taking a few months to get into a better headspace. Ultimately, she says, you will find that “it’s not that big of a deal.”

Tackling the topic when you do date. Our experts say there are several conversation openers to consider, among them:

Disclose your issue — and ask them to share, too. On the third date or so, Pasciucco says to tell your partner, “Just so you know, I have varicose veins, and I’m a little bit embarrassed about them, but I just wanted to share. It’s one of my tender spots. How about you? Is there anything you are tender about?” People will generally share something, according to Pasciucco.
Open up about your process of dealing with it. Francis suggests talking about your feelings of self-consciousness — not as an apology, but to let them know this is something you’re working on.

As an example, if you plan to go to the beach and it’s taking a long time to figure out which cover-up to wear, she suggests letting your date know in advance: “Hey, sometimes I have a hard time being kind to myself.” In a situation like this, Francis recommends asking for added patience.

When you do get naked, let your partner know what works for you — and what doesn’t. Licensed marriage and family therapist Tameca N. Harris-Jackson suggests saying something like, “I’m not comfortable with all the lights on. I’d like the room to be dim,” or “Don’t rub my legs, that’s not an area of arousal for me, but I do hope you enjoy my belly, arms, boobs.”

What you are doing isn’t shutting things down but communicating, Harris-Jackson says. “One of the most powerful things we can do is speak our truth. It’s not an easy thing to do. [But] it frees us so we don’t have things holding us back. We can just drop into our bodies and experience pleasure instead of staying in our heads and voicing our what-ifs.”

Parting thought: Everyone has something they don’t like. Harris says that whoever you go to bed with is going to be excited to be with you.

As she puts it, “They are not looking for flaws, and that person, I guarantee you, has a thing they, too, worry about. Everyone has a thing, even gym bros. We all have stuff. The more effort you put into hating it, you’re ruining your own good time.”

Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.

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