How to Find Joy While Caregiving Through the Holidays

Learn how to steer through the season and reach calmer waters where joyful moments can surface

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Published December 17, 2025

two people rowing down a river with holiday ornaments floating around

Jon Krause

While it may be the “most wonderful time of the year” for some, caregivers often enter the holiday season stretched thin, trying to keep traditions alive while juggling a loved one’s changing abilities and needs. The holiday rituals that once brought comfort and joy can feel overwhelming now, widening the gap between how holidays used to be and what they’ve become. Experts say there are ways to ease that strain: recalibrate traditions, build in self-care breaks and set clear expectations around what’s possible this year.

For Tom LeSaint, 75, the holidays look nothing like they used to. Since his wife, Ann, 76, was diagnosed with ALS two years ago, the retired engineer has quietly dismantled the traditions they once treasured. The changes began gradually by letting go of the holiday rituals Ann enjoyed, like baking cookies, shopping and creating the many gift bags for family and friends. Now, simplicity is the only way he can keep up.

Holiday duties that once took an afternoon — decorating the tree, putting up the mantle display, outside lights — stretch across days. His son had to haul the Christmas tree up from the basement because Tom couldn’t lift it due to elbow issues developed from his constant transferring of Ann, and the undecorated tree sat for four days until he could summon enough mental energy and time to finish the job.

“Even though I have cut back on the holiday traditions, the sparkle in Ann’s eye when she enjoys seeing the decorated tree or driving past holiday lights makes the effort all worth it,” says Tom.

As ALS reshapes their lives, Tom and Ann LeSaint let go of some past holiday traditions.

Courtesy Tom LeSaint

Barry Appelbaum, of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, has spent 14 years since his wife Susanne’s stroke steadily scaling back their Hanukkah traditions. Once, he would help her dress for temple and guide her from the car into services, an increasingly exhausting process as her right leg weakened and mobility declined. Now, to keep her safe and avoid the physical strain, Barry joins his daughter’s family for services — something he genuinely enjoys — while Susanne remains at home with a health aide. “I’ve learned that keeping our traditions alive sometimes means changing how we celebrate them,” says Appelbaum, board member of the Well Spouse Association.

Holiday stress touches many Americans, but it weighs even more heavily on caregivers. An AARP survey found that nearly 7 in 10 caregivers feel emotionally strained during the season. Many are clear about what would help: Almost 80 percent say having someone to talk to who understands would make a difference, 73 percent would welcome help with holiday tasks and 72 percent say assistance with holiday meals would ease the load.

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“The holidays can be especially overwhelming for caregivers because of intensified stress,” says Theresa Wilbanks, author of Navigating the Caregiver River: A Journey to Sustainable Caregiving. “To lighten the load, focus on building support. Talk to others who can relate to your experience, delegate holiday tasks to family or friends, and accept help with meals or other logistics. Create small, intentional moments of connection to make the holidays meaningful to create space for joy, connection and self-care during the season.”

Biology of holiday stress

Caregivers enter the holidays with stress hormones already running high. Because caregivers live in a near-constant state of vigilance — often waking throughout the night to help a spouse or parent — two key stress chemicals, cortisol and norepinephrine, stay elevated, says Dr. Robert Neel, professor of neurology and director of the ALS Clinic at the University of Cincinnati. “Norepinephrine heightens alertness and raises blood pressure and heart rate, while cortisol keeps the body pushing through fatigue. When these hormones remain chronically high, they take a physical toll: disrupted sleep, poor appetite, higher blood pressure and weight gain, especially around the abdomen.”

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The holidays amplify this baseline stress. At the same time, the season triggers an uptick in “feel-good” chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, which are associated with reward, comfort and connection, adds Neel. When these positive emotions land on top of chronic stress, they can create unusually intense reactions. “The key is to find ways to boost the ‘feel-good’ chemicals and trigger those moments of joy.” Neel says the simplest way to feel better is with a hug or comforting touch. “A hug from your spouse, children, and especially a young one, can instantly lift your spirits. Even spending time with a pet helps.”

Understanding that these emotional reactions are biologically driven — not a personal failing — can help family caregivers navigate holiday gatherings with more compassion and realistic expectations.

Paula Forte says she used to long for holidays that looked like a Norman Rockwell painting — the kind her family had celebrated for decades. But as her husband, Jack’s Alzheimer’s progressed, she realized those versions of the holidays no longer existed. “My wisdom to other caregivers: Let go of the past and have the holiday you have this year.”

Forte learned that lesson slowly. In the last years of Jack’s life, they often couldn’t predict whether he could sit at a table, tolerate noise or even use utensils. She stopped putting up the Christmas tree — not out of sadness, but practicality. “I realized I was doing all that labor for someone who could no longer notice it,” says Forte, an integrative health and wellness coach in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. “If I wanted a burst of Christmas, I could go to the mall. I didn’t need to turn my whole house upside down. Aim for having the holiday that’s possible now, not the one from 20 years ago.”

5 ways to boost more seasonal joy

While the holidays have a way of summoning “yuletide ghosts” — the meals we used to cook, the houses we used to gather in, the loved ones who once sat at the center of the noise — caregivers often feel these absences more keenly. The season can magnify both joy and grief, leaving many torn between honoring traditions and managing the practical demands of caregiving.

Wilbanks, a caregiving consultant in Loveland, Colorado, says that finding peace and meaning doesn’t require perfection. “It’s about creating intentional moments that bring connection, even in the midst of change and loss,” she notes.

To help caregivers navigate the holidays with more ease and joy, Wilbanks recommends five practical strategies that focus on purpose, connection and self-care.

1. Set clear holiday intentions

Wilbanks encourages caregivers to begin the holiday season by identifying what truly matters to them and their families. By setting clear, intentional objectives — asking yourself what you want to feel, experience or preserve — you create a roadmap for the season. This approach helps caregivers feel grounded and less reactive amid the holiday chaos, allowing them to make conscious choices about what to include and what to let go, Wilbanks says. “Simplifying plans, downsizing gatherings or using virtual activities to connect with loved ones can all foster meaningful moments without adding unnecessary stress.”

2. Prepare for stressful moments before they happen

Holiday pressures can escalate quickly, so Wilbanks recommends anticipating challenging moments and planning your responses in advance. Identify potential triggers and decide which conversations you’ll sidestep. Difficult conversations often surface at family gatherings, so consider setting thoughtful boundaries. “Steer discussions away from sensitive topics or postpone them until after the holidays,” Wilbanks says. “Responding with calm and intention helps maintain the peaceful environment you want to maintain during the holidays for you and your care recipient.”

3. Build self-care breaks into the day

Instead of pushing through the holidays and getting overwhelmed, Wilbanks urges caregivers to take small, purposeful pauses. “Even a few minutes to step away, breathe or simply sit in a quiet spot can restore perspective and energy,” she says. Create a cozy retreat in your home — a favorite chair by a window or a spot for quick breathing exercises. Even a brief walk outside can serve as a reset. “Small moments matter, even a five-minute guided meditation or simply stepping outside and sitting in your car. These intentional pauses help caregivers maintain balance and preserve the joy of the season.”

4. Practice preemptive forgiveness

Family gatherings can sometimes bring up unintentional or insensitive comments from relatives who don’t fully understand your caregiving role. Caregivers often carry an invisible weight, and Wilbanks emphasizes the importance of preparing a forgiving mindset before the holiday begins. “Expect that feelings of resentment might surface, and remember that insensitive comments usually come from misunderstanding, not malice,” she says. By letting go in the moment and processing your emotions later you can maintain positive interactions and preserve relationships beyond the caregiving years.

5. Schedule a post-holiday vent session

Holidays can stir up a whirlwind of emotions for caregivers, from stress to frustration to sadness. Wilbanks recommends planning a dedicated outlet to process these feelings, whether it’s through a support group, a conversation with a trusted friend or even a few minutes of journaling during a self-care break. Give yourself permission to let it out later, Wilbanks says. “You don’t have to carry it all through the holiday. Knowing you have a scheduled time to vent or reflect helps you remain calm and engaged during gatherings while still honoring your own emotional needs.”

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