Staying Fit

Mark and Val Haller, 64, of Winnetka, Illinois, had planned to celebrate Christmas with their four grown sons and spouses, three grandchildren and their parents. As positive COVID tests began to ground family in various cities, they struggled with the dashed hopes and disappointment felt by so many this past holiday season.

The last year had been hard for other reasons. Within a few months of one another, both Val and Mark lost their fathers, Edward (Ed) J. Haller, Jr. and Walter (Bud) H. Gruger, Jr. Their parents had each been married for 67 years, and both men had served their country and were beloved patriarchs and devoted spouses. While the two sets of in-laws were fond of one another, they’d never spent enough time together to cement a deep friendship. Enter holiday season 2021.

Join AARP for $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP The Magazine.
What was supposed to be a fun and lively gathering had suddenly shrunk down to Mark and Val with their grieving mothers. Val’s mom, Dalis Gruger, 91, and Mark’s mother, Joan Haller, 88, had never been alone together. Mark and Val were slightly worried about how the vacation would flow, especially without the distraction of the grandchildren and multiple activities. But in the end, their mothers’ feelings of loss ended up connecting the women as friends and deepening the relationship among all four of them.
Music as soother

One big healer for all of them was the power of music in helping to remember the men during happier times and in finding relief from the sad moments. Music, as it so often can be, became a balm and connective tissue. And luckily, Dalis and Joan were in the right house.
Val Haller knows a thing or two about music. It’s not just her passion, but it has been her livelihood for the past 15 years. She’s the founder of ValsList, a music discovery platform that helps busy adults keep up with new music by bridging the music gap between generations. Her “Music Match” column in the New York Times paired vintage artists with new and emerging artists with a similar vibe. And her curated playlists on Spotify help busy adults find songs by mixing old and new artists.
As a lifetime music fan, Val began making playlists as a hobby for other people. Constantly on the hunt for new artists, she would share her discoveries with her parents and children as a way to spark conversation and connection. She routinely received feedback about how her playlists had been a gift, and people always commented on the new artists she would sprinkle in. “Listening to each other’s music across generations can not only promote fun conversations and memories,” says Val, “it can connect new pathways in the brain to learn something new.”
More on caregiving
How to Have More Fun — and Why It Matters
Advice on on living a more joyful life3 Tales of Caring for an Aging Loved One at Home
Families describe their journey of joy, sacrifice, honor and commitment
How to Plan a Meaningful Memorial Service
A 'celebration of life' honors the passing of loved one in a personalized way