AARP Hearing Center
As an expert and voice in the field of aging for more than 40 years, I have extensive knowledge about dementia. I’ve cared for both my dad and grandmother, who had Alzheimer’s (Dad lived with me for the last six years of his life), as well as many others. Yet watching Familiar Touch deepened my understanding of life with this degenerative disease in ways I hadn’t expected.
The film unfolds through the perspective of Ruth (expertly portrayed by Kathleen Chalfant), an older, active woman who has lived a full life as she transitions from her home to a memory care facility. Initially, Ruth appears to be engaging in her regular routine. Then, she hangs a piece of toast on a drying line with a clothespin. It’s unusual behavior, but is it a lifelong quirk? She continues preparing a delicious lunch, and her actions and affect again seem “normal.” When her guest arrives, Ruth seems to think he’s a date — but we soon learn he is her son. Slowly, we recognize her cognitive abilities are subtly but unmistakably impaired, even as her zest for life and many skills remain intact.
It’s a beautiful film that moves at Ruth’s pace, inviting us into her world from her point of view. We accompany her as she experiences joy, peace and humor alongside grief and confusion, eventually, as she realizes that this stay is a permanent move — and that she will never return home.
Films about dementia often risk portraying stereotypes, yet everyone with the disease experiences it differently. But Familiar Touch is one of the most realistic portrayals of mid-stage dementia I’ve seen.
When I spoke with Sarah Friedland, the film’s writer and director, she shared her inspiration. Her grandmother, who had dementia, had always been very expressive. Over time, many people, including family members, spoke about the older woman as if she weren’t there. But Friedland noticed her grandmother was still there, in profound ways, just different than before. “I wanted to find a way to honor the person who remains,” Friedland explained.
Friedland’s professional experience as a caregiving aide helped deepen this awareness. She saw how frequently older adults are undervalued. “Oftentimes our ageism precludes us from seeing the full person in front of us,” she told me.
The writer-director said that the film offers several takeaways for family caregivers: “There’s actually a lot of hope and joy and humor. I hope this film will help family caregivers connect with the person who remains, not only the person they feel they’ve lost.”
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