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‘Familiar Touch’: A Powerful Film About Living With Dementia

An authentic look at the emotional journey of individuals and their families facing the degenerative disease


two people sitting and talking at a table
(From left) Ruth (Kathleen Chalfant) develops a close bond with caretaker Vanessa (Carolyn Michelle) in “Familiar Touch.”
Courtesy of Music Box Films.

As an expert and voice in the field of aging for more than 40 years, I have extensive knowledge about dementia. I’ve cared for both my dad and grandmother, who had Alzheimer’s (Dad lived with me for the last six years of his life), as well as many others. Yet watching Familiar Touch deepened my understanding of life with this degenerative disease in ways I hadn’t expected.

The film unfolds through the perspective of Ruth (expertly portrayed by Kathleen Chalfant), an older, active woman who has lived a full life as she transitions from her home to a memory care facility. Initially, Ruth appears to be engaging in her regular routine. Then, she hangs a piece of toast on a drying line with a clothespin. It’s unusual behavior, but is it a lifelong quirk? She continues preparing a delicious lunch, and her actions and affect again seem “normal.” When her guest arrives, Ruth seems to think he’s a date — but we soon learn he is her son. Slowly, we recognize her cognitive abilities are subtly but unmistakably impaired, even as her zest for life and many skills remain intact.

It’s a beautiful film that moves at Ruth’s pace, inviting us into her world from her point of view. We accompany her as she experiences joy, peace and humor alongside grief and confusion, eventually, as she realizes that this stay is a permanent move — and that she will never return home.

Films about dementia often risk portraying stereotypes, yet everyone with the disease experiences it differently. But Familiar Touch is one of the most realistic portrayals of mid-stage dementia I’ve seen.

H. Jon Benjamin and Kathleen Chalfant
H. Jon Benjamin and Kathleen Chalfant in 'Familiar Touch.'
Courtesy of Music Box Films.

When I spoke with Sarah Friedland, the film’s writer and director, she shared her inspiration. Her grandmother, who had dementia, had always been very expressive. Over time, many people, including family members, spoke about the older woman as if she weren’t there. But Friedland noticed her grandmother was still there, in profound ways, just different than before. “I wanted to find a way to honor the person who remains,” Friedland explained.

Friedland’s professional experience as a caregiving aide helped deepen this awareness. She saw how frequently older adults are undervalued. “Oftentimes our ageism precludes us from seeing the full person in front of us,” she told me.

The writer-director said that the film offers several takeaways for family caregivers: “There’s actually a lot of hope and joy and humor. I hope this film will help family caregivers connect with the person who remains, not only the person they feel they’ve lost.”

Kathleen Chalfant and Andy McQueen
Kathleen Chalfant and Andy McQueen in 'Familiar Touch.'
Courtesy of Music Box Films.

As a dementia caregiver, I know how easy it is to focus on the losses because our pain runs so deep. But Friedland reminds us that “sometimes that grief overwhelms the person who is still there — the person we need to meet in the present moment.” She hopes that families see continuity in their loved ones, even as they change. “I think this is a film that places the Ruth of the present — and the Ruth that persists — before the Ruth who’s been lost.”

The film’s title also carries meaning. Too often, older adults experience a drought of touch as they become socially isolated — and for people with dementia, even more so. When I cared for my dad, his greatest comfort was loving, kind touch: Hugs, massages, dancing, walking arm in arm or, in the later stages of the disease, simply sitting beside him and holding hands brought true contentment. Familiar Touch captures this truth through Ruth’s interactions with staff, fellow residents and her son.

Friedland worked to create a cinematic language that reflected Ruth’s experience beyond cognition: “I wanted to show her perspective through sensation.”

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She also hopes the film encourages families to discuss their care needs openly. “We live in a society where people are often more comfortable discussing funeral plots than how they want to be cared for at the end of their lives,” she said. “It’s a conversation that a lot of people struggle to have, and I hope this film will encourage people to have open, honest conversations with their loved ones about their wishes for what is important to them when they are being cared for.”

I highly recommend that family caregivers watch Familiar Touch. Even if you’re not currently caring for someone with dementia, you likely know someone who is. The film helps us empathize by immersing us in the world of someone with dementia. Its insights can be heartbreaking, but if you watch with openness, you’ll come away better equipped to make a positive difference in the lives of people living with dementia and their caregivers.

Familiar Touch can be streamed on Amazon, Apple TV, Fandango at Home and Google Play.

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