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Our Friends Asked Us to Take a Vacation With Them, But Our Budgets Clash
When traveling together, financial compatibility is key
Jon Krause
Traveling with friends can be a great way to build lifelong memories. But sometimes budgets don’t align.
In a June Experian survey of more than 700 U.S. adults who’ve traveled overnight with friends in the past five years, 18 percent of boomers and 31 percent of Gen Xers said they were concerned their vacation budget was too low compared to their friends’. In addition, nearly 2 in 5 boomers and more than half of Gen Xers reported they were worried about splitting costs fairly when their travel companions had different spending habits.
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If you’re afraid your travel budget won’t mesh with a friend’s, our etiquette expert has a few suggestions.
Our friends are renting a place in Paris next year, and they’ve asked us to join them for a week. My husband and I greatly enjoy spending time with them, but we are hesitant to travel together because their lifestyle is very different from ours. When they go on vacation, they like to dine at Michelin-star restaurants that cost a small fortune, and stay at hotels or rental properties that charge an arm and a leg. We prefer to travel on a tighter budget. How do we discuss our budget concerns with this couple without coming off as cheapskates? Should we even be traveling together, considering our different spending habits?
I love that you asked whether it’s even a good idea to travel together because I have to admit, my mind went there, too. And that’s OK — not everyone is a travel match. But before you abandon the idea, let’s find out what kind of an invitation this is.
Are your friends hosting you on this trip and covering the cost of the apartment, or are they inviting you to join them in Paris and split the price of the rental property while you’re there? Establishing this difference is key to figuring out what kind of conversation you should have about your travel styles and budgets, and whether they’re compatible.
If your friends are hosting you — as in, “We’ve rented an apartment in Paris next spring and we’d love for you to come stay!” — you’re being invited as a guest. That means it’s unlikely you’ll be asked to pay for the accommodations, though you’ll still want to check with them so that you know what’s expected.
One way in: “Jane, I’d love to chat about your kind invitation to join you in Paris and find out some more details. Is this an invitation to come stay as your guests, or are you looking for us to split the rental costs for the time we’re there?”
If it’s the latter, ask what your share of the rental would cost. From there, you can decide if the trip is right for you and your budget. If the cost of the rental property is outside what you feel comfortable spending, there’s nothing wrong with finding your own accommodations.
As for other travel expenses you’ll incur, you don’t have to meet up with your friends for every activity or meal. But be direct: “I think visiting the markets and seeing the museums together sounds great. Jim and I won’t be able to do a five-star restaurant, but we’ll love hearing about it!”
If your friends suggest an expensive outing while you’re on the trip, don’t panic. Politely say, “That sounds lovely. Unfortunately, it’s a little more than we can spend, but you guys go and enjoy, and we’ll meet up with you after.”
If, during all this discovery, it’s clear that your budgets and travel styles are too far apart, it’s time to decline their invitation politely: “Thank you so much for the offer to join you guys, but I think it’s not lining up for us.” No matter the outcome, an expression of gratitude for the invitation is always good etiquette.
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