How to Act Like a Seasoned Sommelier

Few things strike more panic than being at a restaurant with friends when somebody nominates you to choose a wine for the table. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve got any vino knowledge — I’ve been a wine judge at international competitions and have a 400-bottle cellar, but lengthy wine lists still make my eyes bleed and my brain numb.

Here are the fundamentals to help you emerge from this scenario with your dignity intact:

• There are four to six glasses per bottle (depending on the size of the pour).
• Most wines from Europe are named after the region they’re from (i.e. Burgundy, Bordeaux), whereas wines from most of the rest of the world are named after their varietal (chardonnay, merlot).
• Restaurant wines are marked up an average of 300 percent — and they intentionally choose wines most people are unfamiliar with so you won’t be aware of the markup.
• The average drinker can’t tell a cheap wine from an expensive one. A U.K. study determined that the tasters had a 50/50 success rate of identifying a wine as expensive or cheap based on taste alone — the same odds as flipping a coin. Moral of the study: Always err on the low end of the price list.

Read the room. Are your friends looking for a wine experience or simply a pleasant wine to accompany dinner? How deep are their pockets (assuming you are splitting the tab evenly)? How many bottles do you think the table will drink?

Divide and conquer. The first bottle usually gets hoovered back pretty quickly with the initial chitchat and appetizers. Buy yourself some time by making a quick decision about a crowd-pleasing, food-friendly wine to start the night. Your get-out-of-jail-free cards are a rosé or a sparkling wine (prosecco, cava, lambrusco).

Be a matchmaker. Certain varietals really are better suited to particular foods. Focus your efforts on choosing the right ones that will pair harmoniously with the food your friends have ordered. Successful pairings are based on levels of acidity, tannins and boldness. No time to study up? Use the cheat list below.

Wines that pair well with fish, chicken and vegetarian dishes

No-fail choices: Italian pinot grigio, New Zealand sauvignon blanc

Upgrade: Chablis (a dry French chardonnay)

Wines that pair well with meat dishes

No-fail choices: Argentinian Malbec, Côtes du Rhône (a grenache, syrah, mourvèdre blend)

Upgrade: Napa cab