A Touch of Salt in Your Tea Is Officially Not a Thing

Downton Abbey’s Violet Crawley would be mortified! Salt in your tea?! What’s next, dunking your biscuits? Noisy spoon stirring? Slurping?!

It all started when U.S. chemistry professor Michelle Francl from Bryn Mawr College suggested adding a pinch of salt to her cuppa to “make the very best cup of tea” in her new book, Steeped: The Chemistry of Tea, released Jan. 24.

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In an effort to avoid relations between the U.S. and the U.K. becoming … salty, the U.S. Embassy in London did what it does best: released an official statement to smooth things over using large words.

“Tea is the elixir of camaraderie, a sacred bond that unites our nations,” it stated. “We cannot stand idly by as such an outrageous proposal threatens the very foundation of our Special Relationship.”

While coffee drinkers across the U.S. paused to roll their eyes, knowing full well nothing would get done on global relations without a good cup of Joe, the statement continued with an assurance that this salt-in-tea trend is not something actually catching on or supported by the U.S.

“Therefore, we want to ensure the good people of the UK that the unthinkable notion of adding salt to Britain’s national drink is not official United States policy. And never will be,” the embassy said, vowing that the U.S. “will continue to make tea in the proper way — by microwaving it.”

It was the Brits’ turn to roll their eyes, but crisis averted, and everyone’s cooled off. Francl might even be forgiven once one understands she did her undergraduate and graduate studies in California, a state notorious for bizarre food trends. (Anyone remember Cheetos pizza?)

“I certainly did not mean to cause a diplomatic incident,” Francl told the BBC. “My emails have been going crazy today. I did not anticipate waking up this morning to see loads of people talking about salt in their tea.”

The U.K. is expected to continue to make its tea so ridiculously weak you have to consume approximately 15 cups to wake up. Americans will stay the course of two tea bags from well-known coffee shops to make sure their tea is so incredibly bitter and unenjoyable that maybe it could use a radical taste boost.

As for worries about another revolution involving tea, the U.K. is thankfully occupied with Brexit, and Americans are happy to focus all their attention on what Taylor Swift might wear to the Super Bowl.

It is unclear whether the lovely student body of Bryn Mawr College will adopt their chemistry professor’s suggestion. As beer already has a touch of sodium, most of the students are likely satisfied with their salt intake. They may, however, be debating her other suggestions for tea consumption, such as using short mugs to keep your tea hot and, of course, the ever-controversial milk or no milk.