Feeling Lonely? 7 Ways to Connect Without Technology

Those who are homebound can whet their appetites by sharing recipes on the phone and “talking about different variations they've tried or think would be good to try,” says Sandy Markwood, CEO of the national nonprofit organization USAging.

Have meaningful conversations

Open up lines of communication by asking others about an important childhood experience, favorite travel destination, or memorable book or movie.

"Most people can be approachable and get a conversation going, but they get stuck on how to turn it into something meaningful,” says offline dating expert Camille Virginia.

Virginia recommends these five steps. 

1. Use open-ended questions. “What’s the best part of your day so far?” is an easy one.

2. Give space for silence. “It might be awkward at first, but if you’ve asked a great question, someone is probably just thinking of a response,” Virginia says. “If you jump in and cut them off, they're not going to feel comfortable opening up.”

3. Really listen. “This is probably the most important aspect — listen like your life depends on it,” emphasizes Virginia. Picture yourself in the shoes of your conversation partner and ask clarifying questions along the way. “It keeps you engaged and makes the other person feel that what they're saying matters.”

4. Release judgment. As soon as you notice judgment, try to channel it into a compliment, compassion or curiosity, Virginia says. If a coworker wins an award and sparks jealousy, for example, offer sincere congratulations or think about what that person might have had to sacrifice to earn that accomplishment.

5. Share insights and stories. Contribute to the conversation as well. That might include observations from an earlier visit to the dog park, wondering about the breed of a particular dog, then mentioning that you miss having a dog. Let thoughts meander back and forth.

Keep it short if you need to 

Picking up the phone just to say hello — even for a minute — can make someone's day. Say up front that you have only a minute to spare but that you felt the urge to reach out.

Similarly, if you're running errands and pass the house of someone you know, stop by for a quick front-door greeting. No need to go inside — you weren't expected, after all, so you don't want to cause anxiety over housekeeping standards.

Volunteer

Contact an area agency on aging or visit AARP’s volunteer site for opportunities or to volunteer as a driver and companion — otherwise known as a wellness ambassador — so seniors are less alone.

Markwood points to the Friendly Volunteer program, part of the Aroostook Agency on Aging in Maine, as a model. Trained volunteers are matched with those who need assistance getting to important appointments and the grocery store, or who would just like company for lunch or games. 

Smile more

We all have mirror neurons, which are brain cells that react when we observe the actions of others. They’re why we feel tears well up when we see someone we care about cry, or why we wince when we see someone get hurt. 

Because those neurons fire when we see someone smile, we should make that happen for other people more often, says McLellan, host of the kindness podcast.

“We’ve been talking about contagion for the last two years with COVID," says McLellan. "Think about the contagion of a smile. There are so many opportunities to do that with people behind a desk, at a register, on the road. Make it genuine.”

Be vulnerable

If you’re lonely — which is different than simply being alone — it's likely someone living close to you is also lonely, says Manly.

Try reaching out and being honest about how you're feeling in the hope of creating a connection.

Says Manly: “We often are afraid of being vulnerable, but one of the greatest acts of kindness you could ever do for yourself, and for somebody else, is to say, ‘I’m feeling lonely. I would like to connect.’”

Robin L. Flanigan is a contributing writer who covers mental health, education and human-interest stories for several national publications. A former reporter for daily newspapers, her work has also appeared in People, USA Today and Education Week. She is the author of the children's book M Is for Mindful.