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Movies to Get You in the Mood
A reader asks for expert advice on sexy mainstream movies
5-minute read
Jon Krause
In the last week, as part of my reporting, I’ve rewatched Basic Instinct, Unfaithful and Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.
Those films threw off a lot of heat, and watching them, I got fired up, too. Not the worst assignment I’ve ever had.
I’m no movie critic, but Basic Instinct, the 1992 erotic thriller, still delivers. I love the line (killer) Sharon Stone tosses off to (cop) Michael Douglas: “I’m not gonna confess all my secrets, Nick, just because I have an orgasm.”
This week, our sex and relationship experts take a look at sexy films and why they turn us on. We’ve also got a top 10 list that you won’t want to miss. Get ready to hit Play!
I need a list of the sexiest, get-in-the-mood movies (not porn). I am a very visual person and would love some recommendations for my longtime partner and me to watch. — Submitted by H.W.
First, what makes a movie sexy? That’s subjective, of course, but one thing to know that our experts point out: Eroticism in a movie doesn’t necessarily mean it’s rated R and up. Some of the sexy films our experts recommend are rated PG-13. Dirty Dancing, anyone?
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Why sexy movies turn us on. Certified sex therapist Sari Cooper says content with some eroticism can invite us to fantasize.
“[It] helps the mind to shift gears into play mode and the body to become relaxed and more easily open to physiological arousal,” she says.
What to consider before you press “Play.” Certified sex therapist Sandi Kaufman says to approach movie night with intention — but not presumption.
“It’s important not to go into it with the expectation that it will result in intimacy. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t,” she says. “But anything that couples do with intentionality, like watching sexy movies together, is a step forward.”
Talk about what you’re looking for. When you invite a partner to watch a sexy film together, Cooper suggests starting with an “I statement” such as: “I would really like to share a sexy film I like with you. Would you like to watch it with me?”
Be prepared for your partner to say no or follow up with more questions, Cooper adds, and be sure to explain what you hope to get from watching the film together.
For example, you might say, “I am hoping this film relaxes me or gets me more in the mood to get frisky with you” or “I was hoping we [could] act out this certain part in the film in real life, if you’re open to that.”
Create boundaries. Cooper also suggests setting some ground rules for watching provocative films together.
Before watching, Cooper says to tell your partner: “Please don’t make any negative or judgmental comments about the film, the actors, the storyline, even the editing. This is a vulnerable thing that I enjoy.”
And if anything in the film is triggering to you or your partner, Cooper says to make clear in advance that you both have the right to stop watching without the other person taking offense.
Set the stage. Make your date night special. Among Kaufman’s suggestions: Beforehand, take a shower, together or alone; apply an aromatic body moisturizer; wear something that makes you feel attractive or sexy.
She also recommends making popcorn and lighting candles. “Create an environment that’s different than what you experience every night,” she says. “It can enhance intimacy.”
And the movies are … Kaufman often shares a list of sexy movies with patients who have intimacy issues. Their homework assignment is to watch them together.
“It’s one tool that can potentially bring people some sense of sexuality and eros — a gateway to getting turned on and opening a conversation,” she says.
Here are some of her top picks, and why she likes them.
Good Luck to You, Leo Grande (2022) R
Emma Thompson, Daryl McCormack
Sexual discovery later in life
“Emma Thompson gives a wonderful performance as a widow exploring her sexuality. It’s a refreshing reminder that sexual pleasure, curiosity and self-discovery don’t end at a certain age.”
9½ Weeks (1986) R
Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger
Erotic tension and anticipation
“Few films capture the intoxicating power of anticipation quite like this one. Its sensuality, teasing and exploration of power dynamics remind us that desire often begins long before anyone gets into bed.”
Hope Springs (2012) PG-13
Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones
Reigniting desire in long-term relationships
“Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones portray a couple struggling to rediscover their sexual connection after decades of marriage. It’s funny, touching and a reminder that intimacy doesn’t necessarily disappear with age — it often needs attention, vulnerability and a willingness to try something new.”
The Handmaiden (2016) Not rated
Kim Tae-ri, Kim Min-hee
Seduction, intrigue and female desire
“This film explores the complexities of desire, power and sexual freedom between women. It’s a provocative choice for couples who enjoy intrigue, suspense and a little adventure in their erotic imagination.”
A Walk on the Moon (1999) R
Diane Lane, Liev Schreiber, Viggo Mortensen
Rediscovering passion and vitality
“Diane Lane plays a married woman who experiences an unexpected sexual awakening. The film captures something powerful about midlife: the longing to feel desirable, alive and connected to parts of ourselves that may have been neglected.”
Chocolat (2000) PG-13
Juliette Binoche, Johnny Depp
Sensuality through the senses
“A delicious reminder that sensuality isn’t limited to sex. Food, pleasure, playfulness and the willingness to indulge our senses can awaken desire.”
Carol (2015) R
Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara
The erotic power of longing
“This love story illustrates how profoundly erotic anticipation can be. A lingering glance, a subtle touch or the excitement of being seen and desired can be every bit as powerful as an explicit sexual encounter.”
Dirty Dancing (1987) PG-13
Jennifer Grey, Patrick Swayze
Flirtation, movement and chemistry
“Dancing, playful flirtation, physical closeness and sexual chemistry create an irresistible combination. It’s a wonderful reminder that playfulness can be one of the best aphrodisiacs.”
The Taste of Things (2023) PG-13
Juliette Binoche, Benoit Magimel
Sensuality, intimacy and mature love
“A beautifully sensual film about two people whose love of food and one another is deeply intertwined. It celebrates the erotic possibilities of everyday pleasures and the kind of intimacy that develops over time.”
Unfaithful (2002) R
Diane Lane, Richard Gere, Olivier Martinez
The thrill of forbidden desire
“Diane Lane’s performance captures the almost visceral intensity of sexual attraction. While infidelity has painful consequences, the film offers a provocative exploration of novelty, fantasy and the excitement of feeling intensely desired.”
Parting thought. Watching a sexy movie together and talking about it can trigger desire and conversation.
“We are visual creatures. We can get excited looking at a beautiful piece of art. The same goes for film,” Kaufman adds. “Keep it fun. Keep it playful.”
Do you have questions about sex or relationships as a 50-plus adult? Send them to sexafter50@aarp.org.
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