How Do I Avoid Scams When I Use Dating Apps?

Picking an app. Certified sex therapist Nan Wise says to only use well-established dating apps that you can download through Google’s and Apple’s respective app stores. Why? They have been road-tested and are regularly updated for privacy and safety. AARP has a list you can reference here.

If you have friends who are dating online, ask them which platforms they’ve used and what they think of them in terms of safety, says certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis.

One other suggestion: Francis says to start by trying the free version of the app, which doesn’t require your credit card or banking info.

When setting up your profile on an app, Casci-Palangio recommends using the highest level of privacy settings, and enabling two-factor authentication to keep it secure.

Don’t offer personal info. Be mindful of what personal data you share on an app. For example, Francis says to avoid posting images of yourself in front of your home, your business or places that you frequent. “Keep the background neutral, not identifiable,” she cautions.

Along similar lines, relationship coach Stella Harris says to keep your information general, not specific. If you live in a small town, she suggests identifying the county. If you’re a teacher, say so — but don’t identify which school. “Don’t make yourself easy to find. Don’t make it easy for anyone to be creepy,” she advises.

And, if you have kids or grandkids, Baig says to refrain from sharing photos of them to protect their privacy along with yours. He also warns against linking your dating profile to your social media accounts. “Facebook, Instagram, even LinkedIn — there’s so much information about you there,” he says. “It’s not a great idea to share.”

How to communicate. Until you’ve had an in-person date,  Harris recommends communicating only on the app or getting a free phone number from Google. In other words, do not disclose your phone number.

If the person is eager to get off the app right away and communicate via, say, WhatsApp, Casci-Palangio says that’s a red flag. Why? The dating apps use algorithms to identify scammers, so fraudsters want to spend as little time as possible on them.  

Behaviors to watch out for. Licensed marriage and family therapist Tameca N. Harris-Jackson says many scammers will make you feel exceedingly special from the get-go, with comments like “I feel so connected to you,” “I’ve never felt this connected before with others on the apps” or “I want to talk to you often.”

Over a period of days or months, she says, they’ll learn about your family, if you have children, who’s in your support system. “This gives them a sense of how easy it will be to scam you,” she notes.

If the questions are making you uncomfortable, or if the person is saying something sexual or asking for photos, Harris says to block them. If someone has a sob story about needing money or says something that feels manipulative, block them, too.

Appeals for money will start small, as a way to test the waters, according to Casci-Palangio. One example: “I had to go away for work, and my wallet was stolen. Can you help me?” Then, she says, the asks get bigger and involve everything from cash apps to wire transfers.

And as AARP.org recently reported, beware of “love bombing,” a relentless campaign by scammers to shower you with attention and gifts to heighten your interest — and essentially seal the deal.

Most apps have buttons to flag inappropriate behavior. Certified sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco says to use them, adding, “Trust me, the apps put these metrics on because they want you to report.”   

A huge red flag: refusal to do a video call. Scammers will do anything not to get on a video call, says Pasciucco. Why? They don’t want to be seen, because in all likelihood they do not match their profile photo.

The takeaway: If anything doesn’t add up, don’t meet up. 

Before you meet in person… Before going out on your first date, certified sex therapist Sari Cooper says to have a video chat so that you know what your date looks like.  

Plus, check out their social media. “There could be red flags about relationships: how they refer to an ex, for example, or whether they seem overly flirtatious, or whether they’ve posted an abundance of bare-chested photos,” says Baig. “You just have to apply common sense. If something seems off, maybe it’s off.”

When you do meet up... Wise says to only meet in a public place, provide your own transportation and turn on location-sharing with a trusted friend.

Wise also says to make sure you don’t drink a lot of alcohol so you can remain attentive and clearheaded. And to prevent the possibility of someone slipping a drug into your drink, don’t ever leave your glass unattended.

Cooper suggests asking a friend to text you a coded phrase during the date just in case you need an out. “It’s simple. Ask your friend to type ‘Have you done the grocery shopping yet?’ If you answer ‘yes,’ then you’re fine and having a good time; and if you type ‘no,’ then she’ll call you immediately and give you an out so that you can excuse yourself and leave.”

Harris says it’s a good idea to also send your friend a screenshot of your date’s profile so that they not only know where you are but who you are with.

And if anything feels the least bit off during the date, Wise says to abort.

“You don’t even have to say you’re leaving,” she notes. “You go into the restroom and then disappear.”

The bottom line. Harris says a lot of safety concerns are feelings-based. As she puts it: “If someone is giving you the ick, walk away.”