What Women 60-Plus Would Tell Their Younger Selves

Travel more

“Marry later in life. Use your single life traveling,” says my old grade-school friend Nadine Wiedenhofer, 65, of Florida. “My husband at the time hated leaving town, so it grounded me when we got married. I don’t regret getting married — it just should have been later. I eventually took my kids with me and left my husband at home while we traveled. I’m pretty independent, so it was hard to have my wings clipped, but after my marriage ended I traveled as often as I could, and I still do!”

My high school classmate Kathy Olejniczak, 65, from Florida, also believes travel should be a priority. She would tell her younger self: “Don’t let money or time stop you from seeing the world. Get there any way you can; there will always be another job or boyfriend/girlfriend, so don’t let that hold you back. There may not be another opportunity to travel.”

Spend more time with your parents

I spoke with Yvonne Ransel, 76, of Indiana, in my online writers’ group, and she said she would advise her younger self to spend extra time with her parents and to appreciate them more. “My father was a diamond setter and hand engraver. I wish I’d hovered over his bench much longer to watch him do his magic. I would have learned patience, style and beauty. I realize how selfish I was to put my friends’ happiness above my parents. My father worked so hard to support us with an art form I did not appreciate until much later,” she says. “My mother left her small town and her Italian relatives to move to the big city for my Dad’s job. She never really recovered from that loneliness and never learned to drive. I should have spent more time with her, but high school came first, and then I went to college. I regret not spending more time with both parents.”

My friend Liz Barnes, 77, from Louisiana, also wishes she’d had more time with her father, who passed away from cancer when Liz was only a senior in high school. “I was truly blessed with a wonderful family. My father was a busy man — our time together wasn’t always frequent, but it was always quality. We traveled a lot because Dad planned various trips for us to be together. It was two years of him feeling great while traveling or nearing his deathbed,” Liz says. “I thought that’s the way the rest of my life would be, since he always bounced back from his illness. But when he didn’t, it was a rude reality. Traveling without him never felt the same, like something was missing.”

Be proactive about your health 

My high school pal Phyllis Stolwijk, 65, from Georgia, had a grandmother who died of breast cancer, but Phyllis wasn’t overly concerned, believing cancer couldn’t happen to her. She missed her annual mammograms and years later was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. 

Now, she wishes she had been more proactive about her health. “Pay attention to your family’s health history. If I had gotten more details about my grandmother’s cancer, I could have followed the progression and been more aware,” she says.

My friend Vanessa L., 61, from Kansas, would do the same, saying, “Don’t wait until you have health issues to see a doctor. My husband hadn’t been to a cardiologist, and he died of a massive heart attack that possibly could have been prevented.”

Now Vanessa is more proactive with her own health, and watches out for her mother and her college-age daughter as well. “If only I had known my husband was at risk earlier, we would have made an appointment with a cardiologist,” she says.

Be careful who you trust. Many women said they’d warn their younger selves to pay attention to the red flags in a romantic relationship.

Monica Garwood

Be careful who you trust

I met Elaine Ambrose, 73, from Idaho, at a humor writers’ conference, and she learned some hard truths about trust after losing a large sum of money in an investment opportunity.

“My friend convinced me and several others to invest $30,000 in a financial opportunity that promised an 18 percent return on investment. The company went bankrupt, and we lost all the money. Always read the tiny print in a contract,” warns Elaine. “I would tell my younger self it’s OK to be nice and giving, but beware of people who will take advantage of your generosity. They’ll bleed you dry and be irritated when everything is gone. This applies to businesses, bankers, former friends and even family members.”

My high school classmate, Theresa Marie, 69, of Florida, would warn her younger self to pay attention to the red flags in a romantic relationship.

“You aren’t his mother, and you can’t fix him. They’re called warning signs for a reason,” says Theresa, who dated a cop who seemed nice and was well-liked by friends. “He had charisma, was very personable and really funny. We were together for a while, and I trusted him implicitly. But after he got fired for police brutality, he had his revolver with one bullet in it, spun the cylinder, put it to my head, and pulled the trigger. When it didn’t fire, he said, ‘Well, I guess you get to live another day.’ I broke up with him after that, but he stalked me and even broke into my apartment.”

That traumatizing event ruined Theresa’s trust, and she was too afraid to live alone and moved back home. She wishes she hadn’t been so trusting and would encourage her younger self not to ignore the red flags.

Face your fears

When my friend Donna Beckman Tagliaferri, 70, of Nevada, and her husband faced financial ruin, Donna’s overwhelming fear prevented her from finding a solution, nearly causing a breakdown. It was the worst time in her life, but she realizes now that she was being reactive rather than proactive, allowing fear to immobilize her.

Donna and her husband eventually resolved the problem. She would tell her younger self, “Don’t be afraid. When you feel fear, stop. Be still, be calm ... don’t make a decision until you’re at peace. It’s challenging, but this is when you learn. And I promise everything is going to be OK.”

My writer friend Linda Roy, 60, of New Jersey, says her entire youth was shrouded by social anxiety. However, entering adulthood with a music career and having children made her more extroverted. “At 60, the realization that stepping out of my comfort zone, pushing myself harder than I did toward realizing goals, isn’t as difficult as I thought,” says Linda. “I’d tell my younger self not to be afraid to engage with others more. We all fear the unknown, and we’re so concerned with our insecurities to focus on others. So just go for it unabashedly!”

Appreciate your friends

Patti Fay Slattery, 67, from Tennessee, is a friend I grew up with in my neighborhood. Patti was only 20 when she married, and had a baby nine months later. Her husband refused to let her hang out with her friends, so she lost touch with many of them. Twelve years later she married again, and the same pattern emerged with her second husband. He didn’t want her socializing with her girlfriends outside of work, but Patti finally put her foot down.

“When we moved to Tennessee, I told my husband I would have friends no matter what, and I did. It took him a while, but he got used to it,” she says.

Although she regrets the time she lost with past friends, Patti appreciates the second chance she has been given to rekindle old friendships, and would share this advice with her younger self: “Never let a man come between you and your relationships with your girlfriends.”

Astrid Wistedt echoed the importance of friends. “After my heart attack in 2019, I was in a coma, but so many old high school friends showed up to assist my daughter as she tried to navigate the nightmare. They provided financial assistance, gave her a place to stay, checked on me constantly and ensured my girl was safe. These were people I hadn’t seen in almost 45 years,” says Astrid. “The passage of time vanished; for two months, these lifelong friends stepped up in our time of need. True friendship is an immeasurable blessing!”

Love yourself and be confident  

This was the most difficult advice many of us grappled with as teens. It took my close friend Parri Sontag, 62, of Michigan, a long time to discover her self-worth after letting toxic people ruin her dreams of becoming a Broadway actress and sitcom writer. She has plenty of advice for younger Parri: “Don’t allow negative voices to cast a shadow on your light. They peddle a narrow vision of success, and if you allow their seeds of doubt to root, you will spend your lifetime living your backup plan instead of giving your dreams a real shot.”

A dear writer friend, Janie Emaus, 77, of California, would tell her younger self to be more confident and less shy.

“You’ll find your voice with time, becoming a successful author and the life of the party! Your humor will also blossom with age, and all those thoughts hiding in the crevices of your mind will bubble forth with gusto. Those quiet observations of life will benefit you in the long run,” Janie says.

She would also tell her younger self, “There will be some aches and pains with aging, but nothing major to worry about. And that nonstop-talking mother of yours (born in 1925) will still be talking to you in 2025!”

Another fellow writer and friend, Anne Bardsley, 72, of Florida, also claims she’d have been a different teenager if she’d listened to the people who believed in her — and believed what they’d said instead of doubting herself.

Anne was a “good Catholic girl” who made one bad mistake by becoming pregnant and having to marry at a young age. She says she lived in shame for five years afterward. “It was hard to believe in myself while carrying around a backpack of shame. Had I not wanted a boyfriend so badly, and just said No, my life would have been very different.”

She wishes to tell her teenage self to “Be more confident and not settle or give in to a boyfriend’s desires. Find your inner light and make sure it shines bright. And the world needs more light makers to help others find their light.”

What advice would YOU share with your younger self?

AARP essays share a point of view in the author’s voice, drawn from expertise or experience, and do not necessarily reflect the views of AARP.